Helping people to deal with relationship problems or marriage trouble is what I do for a living.
I am a fully qualified and experienced couple counsellor and I am registered with - and accredited by - the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.
I have helped thousands of individuals and couples to deal with all kinds relationship issues and my experience has allowed me to develop this website so that I can help as many more people as possible. I sincerely hope that I can help you too.
These pages are for you whether you are married, in a long-term relationship and are or aren't cohabiting, are separated or divorced. On my next page I'm talking about the 24 most common relationship issues, but first read on...
A close couple relationship provides an ideal opportunity for many of the essential emotional needs of both partners to be met.
However, relationship problems can occur when one or both of you feel that your needs aren’t being met.
A relationship can also become troubled if you either misuse or do not maximise your natural resources. Not taking care of your own emotional needs can lead you to become unhappy and suffer with emotional, mental, social and relationship problems.
For example, as people one of our most important emotional needs is attention. If you feel that you are not getting enough attention then problems may start to arise in your relationship.
It is important, however, to try to achieve a healthy balance. Asking for too much attention, or perhaps even becoming demanding or manipulative, obviously isn't going to make for a happy relationship or marriage either.
It is very important that your needs, and the needs of your partner, are met in a helpful way. Just as many problems can be caused by selfish, manipulative or controlling behaviour as by being a victim, a doormat or a pushover.
Don’t worry – I am not criticising at all – we are all within that scale somewhere and learning to balance our own needs with those of our loved ones is a life-long journey!
It is helpful to start by honouring how you have ‘survived’ so far, and trusting that you have within you all of the resources you need to transform your world, including your relationship or marriage. I know you can - I believe in you!
(To learn more about the human givens - see link further down)
Whenever you think people are withholding from you - praise, appreciation, assistance, loving care, and so on - give it to them. You don't have it? Act as if you have it and it will come. Then, soon after you start giving, you will start receiving. You cannot receive what you don't give.
Erhart Tolle, A New Earth
It is unrealistic to expect all of your needs to be met in your relationship or marriage. Being overly dependent on each other often leads to relationship or marriage problems too. Please note: if you feel that your needs are not being met this is a warning sign - not a ‘green light’ for infidelity!
Unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and resentment. However your view of precisely what is classed as ‘realistic’ is likely to be different from mine and from your partner's. Therein then lies the problem as well as the solution.
I know it may sound harsh and you may feel angry with me for saying this, but I do hope that you will try to stick with me because…
…by looking at your perception of the problems and your reactions, rather than blaming your partner, you are more likely to make the right decisions about how to overcome the difficulties.
Read on... 24 common relationship problems