The complete relationship compatibility test for couples
Since you’ve searched for a relationship compatibility test, I’m glad you’ve landed here.
My comprehensive compatibility test is entirely free. Do the test to discover if your partner or spouse is (still) ‘the one’ for you.
Or take this couples compatibility quiz together, for fun or, in all seriousness – your choice! Print this page as a PDF and share it with your spouse or partner.
Discontent is the first necessity of progress.”
Albert Einstein
My romantic relationship compatibility test can help you figure out if the two of you are (still) a match
I am a qualified and experienced couples therapist. I have helped well over 2,000 individuals and couples during my 24 years as a professional, registered (licensed) relationship therapist.
I gained my qualification with the largest and most respected UK couple counselling organisation, RELATE.
Before you start, do you take a look at my abusive relationship test, just in case some of the questions there might apply to you.
Let’s get cracking…
Cautionary note
Relationships can be oh-so tricky!
So, I would understand if you were hoping to hand over the responsibility for your relationship to someone else and expect them (perhaps me) to make a judgement over the outcome of this or any other test!
However, if that’s the case, this page is not for you.
I do have an interactive relationship test further down this page (keep scrolling), where you will be given a result – with the same disclaimer…
No couple’s test or compatibility quiz can ever be counted on to give you a definitive answer as to whether or not the two of you are a match made in heaven. Not even if you’re using a so-called scientific relationship compatibility test!
But I’ve got your back!
I intend with this relationship test to make it easier for you to decide if and how you want to spend the rest of your life with this person.
You’ll learn a ton about your partner or spouse and yourself by taking the test.
How cool is that!
So, go ahead – be your own counsellor, mentor and motivator!
Before you take this relationship compatibility test
During the test, keep the following two points in mind…
1. Your relationship priorities, thoughts and feelings are yours only
For more information on what that includes, be sure to also read Part 1 – Stay together or break up?
The value you place on a question in this relationship test depends on your circumstances and the emotions they generate for you.
For example, your squabbles about your in-laws have little meaning to someone having major trust issues due to infidelity.
Naturally, that doesn’t make your issue any less worthy of consideration.
However, I’d like you to remember that what you don’t like in your partner might be someone else’s dream come true. Your ideal partner may well be someone else’s worst nightmare.
2. Know what you want from a relationship
If you don’t know what you want, how will your partner ever be able to figure it out?
They’ll feel like a boat lost at sea, not knowing where the harbour is. That might be manageable for a while when the sea is calm, but it could be disastrous during a storm.
This test will help you review most of the factors likely to contribute to or detract from your chances of being happy and content in your relationship.
Therefore, this relationship test also lets you figure out what you need and want from a relationship.
How to get every ounce of value from this relationship test
The questions in this compatibility test for couples will help you to consider whether a characteristic, trait, behaviour or particular issue is a deal-breaker or not. It can help you decide whether something is a disadvantage or an asset – something lovable to be cherished and nurtured.
With every question, you can go even deeper by asking yourself the following additional questions:
- How and why is that important to me?
- Does it need to be that important?
- Can I let it go?
- How can I turn this complaint (if it is) into a wish in terms of the most wanted outcome?
- What can I do to improve this?
Avoid skipping questions without some real thought, even though they initially seem less relevant to you.
Dare to be as honest with yourself as you can. There’s no one looking over your shoulder except for your subconscious mind – that wiser, more knowledgeable part of you.
You’ll need a pen and paper for scoring and scribbling notes as you go along about your reactions – your thoughts and feelings about the questions.
Value yourself enough not to hand over the judgement to an automatically generated test result after a few questions.
Take your time to do this test. You’ll increase your knowledge, awareness and understanding of how the two of you tick.
A relationship is far too precious to be decided on by someone or something other than you!
Relationship compatibility test for couples
Score the test by answering the questions with either YES for ‘Good enough’ or NO for ‘I’m not happy with this’ and make notes as you go along.
Be sure to follow the advice below the test.
Then see Part 3 – Getting the most from my relationship compatibility test for further information on how to proceed.
Couple compatibility quiz – the fundamentals
- Are the two of you really good friends?
- Have you invested in this relationship as a potentially lifelong commitment?
- Have you been able to accept your partner mostly without wanting to change them?
- Is your partner generating energy in your relationship (i.e. not draining your energy)?
- Is your partner flexible and spontaneous enough for your liking?
- Do you feel important, wanted, cherished and loved (even if they don’t say it)?
- Does being in this relationship offer you an opportunity for personal growth by stretching you (coming out of your comfort zone)?
- Is your partner happy for you to spend time away, for example, for a business trip, a holiday with friends, a workshop, etc.?
- Are there times that your partner’s thoughts, feelings and behaviours still pleasantly surprise you, helping you to feel that you are two individuals as well as ‘one’?
- Do you still feel alive, joyous and passionate – even if the two of you have been together for a long time?
Compatibility test: How content are you now?
- Reviewing your relationship now, have you – on the whole – felt happy, even if not of late?
- Looking back, were you ever really sure about this relationship?
- Is your partner generally kind and loving towards you, even if they snap, sulk and seeth at times?
- Is your partner generally thoughtful, taking into consideration your wants and needs?
- Do you generally feel good about yourself when you are with them?
- Does your partner sufficiently consider your feelings?
- Do they talk to you about important decisions?
- Are you happy with your partner’s personal hygiene? (Yes, I know – but it has to be included)
Compatibility test for couples: values and beliefs
- Are you happy with your partner’s values and beliefs?
- Do you share the same religious beliefs/beliefs about religion?
- If you don’t, is that going to be manageable for you over time?
- If you don’t share the same religious beliefs, do important people (family, friends, community) respect – or at least accept – your partner’s beliefs?
- If not, is that going to be manageable for you?
Testing commitment, interest and honesty
- Is your partner mainly honest with you, as far as you can tell, or are they lying all the time?
- Is your partner, or would you trust them to be, supportive of you if you are ill or having a hard time?
- Does your partner show an interest in what makes you tick, your hobbies, your friends, your family?
- Is your partner supportive of – or at the very least, interested in – the work you do if it’s important to you?
- If your partner is easily bored/unsettled/unable to entertain themselves, can you be reasonably sure that he/she won’t be bored with you?
Compatibility questions for couples about trustworthiness
Please note that some of these questions may appear very similar, but they do throw a slightly different light on the issues.
- Can you trust your partner to stay faithful to you, including online?
- To further drill down, would you trust your partner to be on their own with a member of the opposite sex (or same or different gender)?
- Would you trust your partner if they called you to say they can’t get home for what appears to be a good reason – stuck at work, at the airport, missed a train, etc.?
- Would your partner be accepting if the same were to happen to you?
- Would you feel comfortable trusting your partner if they wanted to stay out for the night with friends/on a course or a fun weekend away?
- Do you trust your partner to have your best interests at heart?
- If your partner has had an affair, have you been able to forgive and let go of that?
- If you’ve had an affair, has your partner been able to let go of that?
- If you’ve been unfaithful, have you been able to let go of the other person?
- Do you believe your partner is fully present in this relationship and not fantasising about being with someone else?
Sexually compatible test
- Do you (still) feel physically attracted to your partner? (See also: Signs your partner or spouse is no longer attracted to you)
- If not, is that alright with you? (Yes, in some relationships, that is all right!)
- Do you have a generally satisfying sexual relationship?
- Is your partner interested in and happy to explore things you like?
- Do you feel comfortable enough with them to ask for what you want?
- Does your partner ensure that you feel comfortable at all times?
- Would you be happy to support your partner if he/she could not have sex – for reasons outside their control – even for months/years?
See also: How to fix a lack of physical intimacy, How to boost male libido, How to improve female libido.
Couple compatibility test for desire
- Do you feel your partner wants you more than they need you?
- Do you still have a sense of mystery about your partner?
- Does your partner allow you to be playful?
- Does your partner understand and accept that passion comes and goes?
- Are they able to turn you on when you initially don’t feel like making love?
Watch Esther Perel’s TedTalk on desire in long-term relationships.
Conflict management for couples
- Can you have a decent conversation about the things you disagree on?
- When you disagree, are you each able to meet halfway to help the other out and maintain some balance?
- Do you equally give in at times, letting the other have it their way?
- Are you generally good at resolving stand-alone – rather than recurring – issues?
- Are you generally able to come to some form of agreement, resolve the situation and move on – with or without argument?
- Are you able to resolve disagreements without major rows?
- When you argue, can you genuinely make up relatively quickly?
- Are you able to let go of resentment and move on?
- Are you able to accept your different opinions without major rows?
See also: How to stop arguing all the time and 42 reasons why couples argue.
Supporting each other when life gets tough
- If your partner was out of work, would you feel happy supporting them financially?
- If your partner was ill, would you be happy to nurse and/or support them?
- If your partner went through a period of depression or another mental health problem, would you be happy to support them?
- If your partner is suffering from a mental health disorder now, are you happy to continue to support them?
- If your partner is chronically ill now, are you happy to continue to support/nurse them?
- Could you cope, without blame, if they became dependent on you for a period of time due to a physical health condition?
- Could you cope, without blame, if they became dependent on you for a period of time due to a mental or psychological condition?
- If your partner needed your support – financially, physically and mentally – because of a demanding career, sporting or self-development goal for an extended period of time (say up to 3 years), would you be happy to provide that, knowing you would come second?
- Would you at the very least be prepared to discuss it and negotiate the kind- and level- of support asked for?
See also:
- How to help your partner or spouse with a nervous breakdown
- How to help your depressed spouse
- How to help your partner with OCD
- How to help your spouse with PTSD
- How to help your wife with the menopause
Are you compatible with regard to finances?
- Are you happy (enough) with how your partner spends his/her money?
- Are you able to discuss your financial affairs open, honestly and constructively together?
- Are you relatively sure that you know all there is to know about their debts or ‘secret’ bank accounts?
- Do you feel comfortable (enough) sharing your assets with your partner?
- Would you be happy sharing your family’s assets with your partner should there be an inheritance?
- Do you broadly agree on your short, medium and long-term plans (if you have made any)?
- Does your partner contribute toward joint bills equally, relative to their earnings/situation?
- If your partner became financially dependent on you through no fault of their own (illness, redundancy) would that be okay?
See also: How to stop arguing about money and Why your spouse is lying about money.
Your interests and hobbies
- Do you have shared interests?
- Do you and your partner engage in exciting activities together every now and then?
- Are you able to pursue your own interests within reason?
- Are you able to let your partner have space and time to pursue their interests without your feeling neglected – within reason?
- Do you agree on what ‘within reason’ means?
- Are you happy with the time your partner spends doing something for themselves?
- Do you think they are considerate of the importance of spending time together – even for mundane things?
- Do you take an interest in your partner’s long-term (spare-time) goals or plans (if they have any)?
Relationship compatibility questions about extended family matters
- Is your partner at the very least accepting of – and ideally able to get on with – members of your family reasonably well?
- Is your partner happy to have your family stay with you occasionally (if that’s possible)?
- Would your partner support you if you had to take care of/spend more time with your family?
- Do you get on reasonably well with their family?
- Do you agree on how to handle any interference (if there is any) from extended family?
Your friends
- Have you felt happy introducing your partner to your friends?
- Are you happy for them to come along to parties/events?
- Does your partner get on with your friends, particularly those that matter a lot to you?
- Do your friends and family approve of- and support your relationship, if that matters to you?
- Would they be fine coming home to a roomful of your friends?
Work
- Are you happy and/or proud of how your partner earns his/her money?
- Would you be happy to introduce your partner to your colleagues/boss/business associates?
- Would your partner understand if you suddenly had to work longer hours/work at the weekend because you felt it would further your career or allow you to change direction?
- Would your spouse support you if you wanted a career change?
- Would you be happy to support your spouse if he/she wanted a career change?
The impact of their past
- Do you have a sense that your partner or spouse has learnt and grown from their experience in previous relationships?
- Are you able to let go of the fact that they’ve been in an intimate couple relationship with someone before you?
- Can you be relatively sure your partner has not been unfaithful in a previous relationship (if the two of you didn’t actually begin your relationship through an affair)?
- If your partner has ever done anything bad in your view or even in the eyes of the law, have you been able to let go of that?
Important next step
How would your partner score this relationship compatibility test?
When you finish the test, I’d like you to review the questions again. This time, imagine how your partner might answer each question.
Take the time to put yourself in their shoes as best you can. Try to get a real sense of what your relationship looks like from their perspective.
Doing so may reveal new insights as it creates a greater awareness of and compassion for their perspective. You may discover that you can significantly influence the course of your relationship by making some changes.
In case you haven’t had enough… ;-) Here are some further couple compatibility questions in the form of an interactive test…
Interactive relationship compatibility test
Hop over to Part 3 of this relationship compatibility test now, before you make any life-changing decisions.
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