The complete guide and test to discover whether or not to save your relationship
Author: Elly Prior | First published: 01-05-2011 | Modified: 13-02-2018
Discover if and when it's time to end your relationship
Doubts about your relationship? Not sure if you should stay together - whether you're married or not? Wondering if you're still compatible?
How do you know what the signs are that your relationship is on a sliding slope and that there's no longer any hope of fixing it?
Of course you want to be happy. You want to be able to love and be loved freely, without any qualms. The feeling that all is not well can be really scary and unsettling.
Here's my take on it...
There is no one in the world like you. You too deserve to develop into the best version of you. That includes having a truly rewarding and happy relationship with someone just right for you.
The question is... are you with that person right now?
Already absolutely sure you want to end your relationship?
Then hop over to my article: How to end your relationship.
If not really sure yet - read on...
Discontent is the first necessity of progress."
I can help you find out
I am a qualified and experienced couples therapist. I have helped well over 2,000 individuals and couples during my 24 years as a therapist.
I gained my qualification with the largest and most respected expert UK couple counselling organisation, RELATE. I worked for Relate for 11 years and had a private practice for 22 years.
I have developed a complete guide to help you systematically go through every aspect of your relationship or marriage and come up with an action-packed plan.
This relationship guide and test is for you if one or more of the following apply...
- You're stuck in a rut and keep mulling over the same problems
- You're wondering if you're better off without your partner (or if you're about to get married, you're wondering if you should call the whole thing off)
- You increasingly spending time imagining what life would be like if you left
- You feel you're living a lie
- You've told your partner what's bothering you, but you feel you may as well be talking to the wall
- You now suffer in silence, but find it increasingly difficult to be nice, or...
- You feel permanently irritated and respond in ways you don't even like yourself
- You feel like you can no longer be yourself in this relationship
- You worry that the two of you are no longer - or never were - truly compatible
- You suspect, or know, that your partner is having an affair and wonder if your relationship can survive
- You want help seeing your present problems in the context of the whole of your relationship
Do you recognise yourself or your situation in any of the above?
If so, take action!
Get my relationship guide and test to find out if it's time to break up - or what you need to do to save your relationship.
Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it's a thing to be achieved."
William Jennings Bryan, 41st United States Secretary of State
Decide on your next step
With this guide and test, you can feel secure that you make the best possible the decision at this time.
Removing as many doubts as is realistically possible is very important for your future happiness. It's also important for the well-being of your children - regardless of their age (if indeed you have children). I can assure you that they'll ask questions about your decisions - probably when you least expect it!
Why is it worth taking the time to ensure you're making the right decision?
- A relationship breakup is always heart-wrenching, regardless of which one of you is the instigator. Second and third marriages are even more at risk of ending in a divorce.
- It's even harder if you have children. You only have to imagine how hard it will be to sit them down and tell them what’s going to happen. I suspect it will cut right through your heart and theirs.
- Splitting up is also expensive as you may need to cover the cost of childcare, a house move resulting in two homes and cars, legal bills, maintenance payments and so on, possibly with reduced working hours. Not that you'd want to stay together for that reason, but you'd want to know for sure if a breakup really is the right way forward. And, if not, what your next step should be instead.
- Sadly all too often the break up is irreversible should you change your mind at a later stage (and yes, that does happen!).
- All too often the same sorts of problems you experience in this relationship rear their ugly head in second and third relationships.
"It may show to some that actually, their problems aren't so bad, in the greater context."
Miriam Chachamu, Family Therapist, Trainer, Speaker
Author of "How to Calm a Challenging Child", London
Are the relationship guide and test right for you?
If you can answer any of the following questions with a "YES" then it most probably is!
- Do you often feel hurt, let down, frustrated, angry or simply bored?
- Have you stopped laughing and talking together like you used to?
- Are you feeling guilty for even considering ending your relationship or marriage?
- Do issues from the past keep coming up without ever being resolved?
- Are there warning signs that your partner isn't happy?
- Is he or she having an affair?
- Do you feel taken for granted?
- Is your partner pushing for more commitment than you're ready for?
- Are you worried you’re not compatible - sexually, emotionally, socially or spiritually?
- Do you have 'sexual relations' instead of making love - if indeed you have sex at all?
- Are you living like brother and sister or friends, without passion?
- Does your head tell you to end it while your heart says that you want it to work - or vice versa?
- Are you nevertheless wishing and hoping it could work out?
- Are you reluctant to end it because you still care for him or her?
- Do you feel guilty for considering a separation because your partner is basically a 'good person'?
- Do you think you've married the wrong person?
- Are you married or in a long-term relationship, but you don't want to live the rest of your life like 'this'?
- Are you simply not sure what it is, but deep down you've got doubts about this relationship?
At the same time, you may be worried about starting all over again, perhaps not finding anybody to share your life with or not being able to cope on your own.
Have you answered "YES" to any of the above?
Then take then your best course of action is do tackle the problems now. Find out if your relationship can sucessfully be saved and what you need to do, or if it's time to break up.
2 Reasons why the guide and test might NOT be suitable for you
I don't want you to waste your time and energy. Therefore, I want you to know upfront that this test is probably not right for you if:
- you suspect there's little more you can learn about relationships;
- you don't really want to spend any time on making the best possible decision (remember: relationships always need an investment of time and effort to stand the best possible chance of becoming successful);
What you'll get
- Instructions for downloading and locating the material (in case you're unfamiliar with the tech stuff)
- e-Book: 3 Steps to Making the Best Possible Decision
- e-Guide: with essential information on what might be preventing you from moving forward and what to do about it
- Clear-cut information - in the form of a questionnaire - on what constitutes a 'bad' relationship
- 4 Essential questionnaires (too important to be included in the final scores)
- The comprehensive test examining every aspect of your relationship and potential compatibility. Simple - yet thorough - with YES and NO answers only.
- My advice with tips and strategies - based on your scores
- Worksheet to help you meet your essential emotional needs
- The Secrets of a Happy Relationship
- The Art of Making Your Partner Feel Amazing eGuide
Praise (received by email)
This is the most authentic and honest approach I have seen about relationships.
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