The most comprehensive toxic relationship test

Comprehensive abusive relationship test with 10 essential toxic relationship quizzes

You wouldn’t be searching the internet for a toxic relationship quiz if you weren’t going through a really tough time.

For many people, there’s absolutely no doubt about what types of behaviours count as abuse.

For others, it could be unclear if, what feels ‘uncomfortable’ or painful, is abuse because they’re not being bashed with the proverbial cricket bat.

For example, your spouse or partner may seem caring and loving at times, making you feel on top of the world. Yet, at other times they leave you feeling hurt – mentally and/or physically, rejected and confused.

And then your spouse or partner may apologise for their behaviour profusely.

No wonder you’re doubting yourself and think they ‘didn’t mean it’.

I aim to help you clarify what an abusive relationship is through my extensive tests further down.

Be as honest in your answers as possible.

Having your suspicions confirmed can at the very least save your sanity and possibly years of unhappiness in a never-ending downward spiral towards misery, depression, anxiety and low self-esteem.

Increasing your awareness and understanding of what’s happening could also save your life.

New! What kind of abuse are you experiencing?

Let us know! No email address is needed, and it’s completely confidential.

Free toxic relationship quiz

This toxic relationship quiz doesn’t need to be scored – there are no right or wrong answers for something like this.

There’s no way a lower score would mean you’re better off than someone else having a higher ‘score’.

A victim of physical abuse is no less of a victim than a victim of narcissistic abuse – even though the latter is likely to score points under every heading.

The toxic abuse tests are for you to understand how toxic your relationship is.

You may have searched for information to discover because you want to know if you are ‘toxic’…

About my free toxic relationship test

I use ‘they’ and ‘them’ instead of he or she to ensure the tests below are accessible for all, regardless of gender.

Although women are most often the victim of abuse, both victim and perpetrator can be of any gender.

10 essential relationship abuse tests

1. Toxic relationship quiz for emotional, mental and psychological abuse

1. Does your partner constantly criticise and undermine you?
2. Do they want to control every aspect of you and your relationship?
3. Do they call you insulting or degrading names?
4. Do they ridicule you?
5. Do they use hurtful and insulting language towards you?
6. They call you by so-called ‘pet names’ aimed to undermine you.
7. Do they humiliate you in any way, in front of others or when you are alone?
8. Are they extremely demanding of your time and your attention?
9. Do they make you feel guilty?
10. Do they make you feel ‘wrong’ all the time?
11. Do they move items and blame you?
12. Do they move items so that you’re questioning yourself?
13. Do they play mind-games – denying their intentions, making you believe things, then denying them, lifting you up emotionally one moment and dropping you the next in all kinds of ways.
14. Do they use the silent treatment on you and deliberately ignore you?
15. Do they threaten to upset you, your children and/or your family?
16. Do they threaten to hurt you or your kids physically?
17. Do they threaten to kill themselves if you were to leave?
18. Do they threaten to ‘expose’ personal, intimate or embarrassing information about you to your boss, your friends or your family?
19. Do they hurt your pets?
20. Do they spread rumours about you – online or elsewhere?

2. Toxic relationship test for physical abuse quiz

1. Do they ‘punish’ you for anything that was not to their liking?
2. Do they physically hurt you – punching, slapping, pinching, pushing?
3. Do they have so-called play-fights with you in which you get hurt?
4. Do you need to ask your partner’s permission before accessing healthcare?
5. Have they prevented you from accessing health care?
6. Have they forced you to have an abortion?
7. Have they stopped you from using contraceptives?
8. Do they control your medication?
9. Do they force you to take drugs or alcohol?

3. Toxic relationship test for sexual abuse

1. In your sexual relationship, do they lack consideration for your feelings and wishes?
2. In your sexual relationship, do they force you to do things against your wishes?
3. Do they humiliate you sexually?
4. Do they make you ‘flirt’/have sex with other people?
5. Do they threaten to upload sexually explicit videos and photos online?

4. Toxic relationship quiz for financial/economic abuse test

1. Do they keep you short of money if you are financially dependent on them?
2. Do you have to hand over your earnings without having any further say over how it’s spent?
3. Has your partner or spouse applied for loans in your name?
4. Have they applied for credit card accounts in your name?
5. Are they racking up debts in your name?
6. Do they prevent you from getting a job?
7. Do they threaten to stop you from working or even lose your job?
8. Are they generally lying to you about money?
9. If you’re in a long-distance relationship, are you sending money to your partner for all sorts of reasons? If so, you’ve probably been catfished.

5. Toxic relationship quiz for digital abuse

1. Do they have access to and control your phone, laptop or computer?
2. Do they have the passwords to your social media accounts?
3. Do they post on your social media accounts in your name?
4. Do they stalk you and turn up where you don’t expect them? (Spyware)
5. Do they use the smart devices in your home to monitor and control you (think about your smart doorbell, Alexa, etc.)?

6. Cultural abuse questionnaire

1. Does your partner or spouse prevent you from wearing faith-appropriate clothes?
2. Do they prevent you from eating the right foods?
3. Do they use racially abusive language?
4. Do they exclude you and ‘tease’ you if you don’t speak the language?
5. Do they prevent you from taking part in community religious practices?
6. Do they prevent you from praying or observing other religious practices?
7. Do they force you to participate in religious practices that are not your own?
8. Do they ridicule your religion/faith?

7. Legal abuse test

1. Has your spouse or partner threatened you with legal action to control you?
2. Has your spouse started legal proceedings against you to frighten you?
3. Are they making false accusations against you, including lack of cooperation, dishonesty, poor parenting practices, violence, etc.?
4. Are they using the family court system to get back at you?

8. Toxic relationship test for narcissistic abuse

1. Does your spouse or partner tell you you’re going crazy?
2. Does stuff disappear and (sometimes reappear) for which your partner or spouse blames you?
3. Have you started to believe you’re losing your mind?
4. Do they appear to have no remorse, not feel any guilt?
5. Do they tell you you’re difficult to live with?
6. Do they see themselves as the victim?
7. Do they explode with anger for no real reason?

9. Toxic relationship quiz – general controlling behaviour

1. Does your partner restrict contact with your family and/or friends?
2. Do they expect you to dress only according to their wishes?
3. Are they extremely jealous and possessive?
4. Are they tracking your online activities and controlling your social media accounts?
5. Are they tracking your whereabouts aided by the latest technological devices (including their and your mobile phones)?
6. Are they abusive towards the children? (See NSPCC for description)
7. Have family and friends expressed concerns about your well-being in this relationship?
8. Do they force you to do anything else against your will?
9. Do they make all the important decisions?
10. Do they use you as a ‘slave’?

10. Toxic relationship test for child abuse

1. Do your children witness physical abuse?
2. Do any of your children witness sexual activity?
3. Are your children being emotionally, mentally or verbally abused?
4. Do your children suffer from neglect?
5. Are your children being physically abused?
6. Do any of your kids suffer sexual abuse?
7. Are your kids’ pets being ill-treated?

When did you first notice your partner’s or spouse’s abusive behaviour?

If you now know you’re in a toxic relationship, how and when did it start?

1. Did your partner or spouse seem the best person you could ever wish to meet?
2. Were you on top of the world that they’d even wanted to be with you?
3. Did they contact you often?
4. Did they fulfil your every need?
5. Did they seem to understand, cherish, adore and love as you’d never had before?
6. Were they the best thing that could have happened to your kids?
7. Did they initially shower you with gifts?
8. Did they want you to be super-grateful and turn against you when you weren’t?
9. Did they slowly at first but increasingly slip in hurtful remarks?
10. Did you slowly at first but increasingly question yourself?
11. Did they slowly but increasingly show all the above behaviour?
12. Are you now increasingly – or completely – dependent on them?

How does your spouse’s toxic or abusive behaviour affect you?

Other signs of a toxic relationship

Before you start with this section, know I make absolutely no judgement about your thoughts, feelings and behaviour!

The following questions are to help you understand that you’re not alone and that there are well-recognised signs of a toxic relationship.

This quiz is to help you realise that your adaptations to your partner’s abusive behaviour are typical and completely understandable for someone in your position.

1. Do you make choices based on what your partner or spouse might think rather than what you would want?
2. Are you scared to ever say ‘no’ to any of their requests?
3. Have you become completely dependent on them?
4. Are you increasingly preoccupied with avoiding the next onslaught?
5. Do you feel anxious if you can’t immediately answer their call or message?
6. Do you worry that you are the problem?
7. Do you feel edgy or scared when they call or walk up the path if you even dare to have friends or family around?
8. Have you found yourself defending them despite all of this – even when you were battered and bruised?
9. Have you stopped seeing your family or friends because they are so negative about your partner?
10. Have you stopped contacting them because you suspect they can see all the signs of a toxic relationship, and you don’t want them to question you about it?
11. Have you stopped seeing friends and family, because of your partner’s complaints about them and you’re wanting to avoid the ‘hassle’?
12. Do you suffer from depression and anxiety?
13. Do you feel you’re going ‘crazy’?
14. Do you suspect you’re suffering from PTSD?
15. Are you feeling embarrassed or ashamed for allowing all the above to happen without your attempting to leave?
16. Have you told yourself that it could be worse, that it’s normal, that they might change, that it’s just part of who they are and that you can also be ‘nasty’?

Still not sure?

If, after all the above, you’re still not sure you’re going to feel safe, treasured and loved in your relationship, let’s try it from a different angle.

Here’s an interactive relationship test to help you figure it out.

Keeping evidence of abusive behaviours and keeping yourself safe

You can download the SmartSafe+ mobile app (opens in a new tab) for free. The app helps you to safely and securely collect evidence for when you’re ready to go to the police for help.

Just in case...

• Make sure your partner isn’t spying on you (BBC article, opens in a new tab)!
• To help ensure you keep yourself safe when accessing the internet, read: What is digital abuse (PDF opens in a new tab).
• Clear your browser history (you're viewing my website in what's called a browser).

Ending your toxic marriage or relationship?

Emotional, sexual and/or physical abuse are all absolute deal-breakers.

Visit my article on the signs of an abusive relationship and scroll down to find a list of organisations that offer help. You may need to consider getting help in ending your relationship safely - perhaps with professional support.

Finally

You don't deserve to be the victim of any toxic or abusive behaviour! I hope this toxic relationship test has helped you become clearer about what's really happening to you.

Know that you're precious and that you're far stronger than you think you are. You'll do what you need to do when you feel ready. I'm rooting for you!

Sources:

• http://www.childoneurope.org/issues/childabuse/Qualitative%20questionnaire%20on%20child%20abuse_def.pdf
• abusehttps://www.strongheartshelpline.org/what-does-cultural-abuse-look-like/
• https://fairytaleshadows.com/ (opens in new tab)