28 signs you’ve been catfished, 11 tips to outsmart a catfish and much more

How to know you’re being catfished and how to deal with it once and for all

Discover what catfishing is, all the signs you need to prove that you’re being catfished, how to outsmart a catfish, how to end a catfish relationship and a ton more.

Catfishing is one of the biggest online dating and long-distance problems.

But unless you’re a fan of the MTV show or you’ve watched the movie, you’re unlikely to know its meaning and the devastation it can cause.

So, read on…

What is catfishing?

What is catfishing someone and why does someone catfish?

Being ‘catfished’ means you are the victim of someone with a fake identity on a social media platform, a dating app or Whatsapp. A catfish sets out to trick you into a romantic relationship.

You may have heard of the movie ‘Catfish‘ (opens in a new tab). It’s a documentary film about a guy who developed a relationship with a woman, who subsequently turned out to have told many a lie.

There’s also the MTV reality show – ‘Catfish: The TV Show’ with presenters Nev Schulman and Max Joseph (who co-hosted the show for the last time on 22/8/2018).

The show details the stories of people who have fallen prey to a catfish with a fake profile.

Now you know what catfishing is – read on…

Why do people catfish in a long-distance relationship?

This is what dating a catfish is about

Here are the reasons why catfishing in a long-distance relationship appears attractive:

• for their ‘entertainment’
• lifting their self-esteem when they’re being unsuccessful in relationships in real life
• to experience being in a relationship, without their looks holding them back. Think also about colour, disablement, disfigurement, religious symbols, etc)
• to unseen embody a different gender
• for financial gain.

Since you probably asked: “Why do people catfish?” “What is the point?”, I’m wondering how you’re feeling now you’ve read the above…

Your feelings when you discover you’ve been catfished

Oh, the pain, the pain, when you discover you’re dating a catfish, naturally you’re heartbroken. Of course, you now want to be totally sure of the signs of a catfish!

You are not to blame – there’s no need to feel embarrassed or ashamed! You’ve been taken for a ride by someone you trusted and someone you thought loved you.

Here’s how you might feel:

• shocked
• hurt  – for being betrayed and the loss of your relationship
• maybe depressed (see my depression test)
• embarrassed – you may have been bragging about how wonderful your ‘loved one’ was.
• ashamed
• anxious and irritable
• you can’t sleep, and you can’t eat
• you might even resort to increased substance abuse.

Not sure you’re being catfished? You may even look for proof you’re not being catfished.

Catfish help!

If you’ve been catfished you’ll undoubtedly want to talk it through with someone you can trust.

How to know if you’re in a long-distance relationship with a catfish

I understand if you’re feeling confused by what’s happening to you. So, naturally, you’d want to know how to spot a catfish!

Or, you may be looking for how to prove you are not being catfished.

So, here is how to tell:

10 signs of a catfish

1. You got close very quickly with an early Define The Relationship (DTR) to boot.
2. The catfish has a super-duper profile – you can’t believe your luck.
3. Their mugshot and other photos were stolen.
4. They’re likely to have stolen their identity from men/women in uniform and chosen official or professional-looking photos to portray a sense of trustworthiness.
5. They’re hugely attentive, thoughtful and full of compliments about your looks and achievements.
6. You have met them on a free internet dating site.
7. They proclaim to be rich and beautiful, famous or successful – with photos to boot.
8. They want you to keep your relationship a secret. This is one of the most important signs of a catfish!
9. They want to use an instant messenger, email or any other service that can’t be monitored by the dating site or app.
10. Your friends and family have long sounded the alarm bells – as they suspected you’re being catfished. They will want proof that you are not being catfished.

This is how you know you’re being catfished…

You met someone online – on a social network or dating site. They’re pretending to be lovable, super-kind and responsible.

They soothe and comfort you and are always there for you, making you feel special.

You fall in love, and they proclaim to be deeply in love with you. You’re on top of the world about this long-distance relationship. All of your attention needs are being met.

The two of you talk about being together and spending the rest of your life together.

So, if and when they started to ask for money, of course, you were willing to help them out, maybe even numerous times.

You want to know how to find out if someone is a catfish because you’re now more than suspicious.

The signs of a catfish

Romance fraud and online dating scams

What the online love of your life doesn’t want you to know

Your online knight in shiny armour or beautiful princess might be sitting at home comfortably behind their desk or at the kitchen table while they’re chatting with you.

They could be bored with their relationship or marriage, have low self-esteem, have been unsuccessful at having a real relationship, or they’re bored with life.

They’re up for a long-distance relationship.

Or, the online love of your life works for a well-oiled romance fraud business running an online dating scam.

In that case, their ‘working-life’ looks like this:

1. They’re operating from internet cafes in a team of ‘colleague scammers’ – men and women.
2. These so-called ‘call centres’ are often in secret locations, mainly in West Africa (Gambia and Nigeria).
3. They may resort to violence to defend their fortresses if necessary.
4. They are often poor and uneducated, unlike their bosses. Their ‘work’ – grooming and ensnaring you in an intimate online relationship may be their only means of providing for their family.
5. Their keyboard is shared with an accomplish.
6. Your catfish, sadly, has a ‘portfolio of clients’.
7. ‘Team members’ will be managing each other’s phones, so your ‘account’ is likely handled by several people.
8. If you don’t pay or stop paying the money they want from you, they’ll threaten you with (s) extortion by placing intimate images online for all to see!

Romance fraud, also called catfishing, is a widespread online dating problem!

How to tell if you’re being catfished

Do you suspect now that you’re dealing with a catfish?

Then here’s how to outsmart a catfish in a long-distance relationship.

How to outsmart the catfish or proof that you are not being catfished

11 vital online dating background checks to help you spot a catfish

If you landed here with the question: “Am I being catfished?”, I wonder how much you truly know about that person?

Could you really be dealing with someone with a fake social media profile stolen from a real person?

But you’re so in love. They’re so kind and appear so genuine. No wonder you want to know how you can prove that you are not being catfished.

Here’s how to prove you are or are not being catfished…

1. History

Do you have a clear history of the person and evidence? What did they do precisely when and where?

2. Profile images

Have you done an image search to check for multiple profiles? (See further down)

3. Their age

Have you seen photos taken at various ages in a variety of situations?

4. Family and friends

Have you seen photos of their family and friends at a variety of functions – birthdays, parties, outings, holidays or at home doing ordinary things?

5. Names and profiles

Do you know their full names, and do you have access to their profiles?

6. Social media connections

Are you ‘friends’ on Facebook, Instagram or other social media sites with ‘friends’ of their family?

7. Qualifications and work history

Have you checked out their qualifications, places of work and addresses?

8. Face-to-face contact

Have you ‘met’ and seen them on a video call? What was their attitude to video chatting?

9. Physical address

Do you have any ‘real-life’ contact details? If so, have you checked them?

10. Doubts

Have you taken note of your own niggling doubts, however small?

Hopefully, you’ll now have proof of whether or not you are indeed being catfished.

Further signs of a catfish

You’re dating a catfish when plans to meet go awry

But you’re so in love. They’re so kind and appear so genuine. No wonder you want to know how you can prove that you are not being catfished.

However, inexplicably, your ‘beau’ isn’t up for that.

You chatted about how, when and where you’d see each other in real life. You’ve barely slept in nervous anticipation of the two of you finally meeting up.

Shortly before the date, however…

• There was an ‘incident’ – such as a terrible accident, an ill parent or a robbery.
• Your ‘partner’, boy- or girlfriend, was full of sorrow, worry and tellingly, short of money with insufficient funds to buy that ticket to come and see you.
• Naturally, you felt sorry for them as it all sounded so distressing, and you had no reason to disbelieve them.
• If you were catfished for your money, you probably have afforded them a ‘loan’.
• And then, the requests for money for ‘legitimate’ reasons – to get them ‘out of a spot of bother’- didn’t stop.

You still haven’t met, you may have spent a fortune, and you’re beginning to see you’ve been catfished.

The signs of a catfish were probably there, but you were so in love you didn’t see them.

How to find a catfish

Finding a catfish in 5 steps

1. Do a reverse image search: https://www.labnol.org/internet/mobile-reverse-image-search/ to find out if they also use a different name. Just upload your image – simple.
2. Google their name and check websites, social media accounts and images for any further information.
3. Fact-check everything you find. For example, check the name of a school, university, or business against where they are supposed to have grown up.
4. Search their friends’ social media profiles for a photo or name of your suspected catfish.
5. Message a friend asking them if you can call them if you discover them under more than one of your potential catfish profiles.

There are more victims!

You would have to feel terribly angry in your situation. This ‘stranger’ has let you down badly by pretending to be someone else. They have abused you mentally and emotionally and may have lied to you about money.

And they have more victims:

• The person whose photo – and possibly bio – they used is sure also to feel violated – if they’re even still alive!
• The catfish’s partner – I can assure you that discovering the online (emotional) affair would also be hugely painful for them.
• Family members – yours and theirs.
• They may be part of a network of people with false identities to steal as much money as possible – meaning many more victims.

I completely understand you want to confront the catfish now you know all this!

If you have been targeted on social media by someone with a fake profile, here’s where you can report them (links open in a new tab):

• Tinder
• Facebook
• Instagram
• Grindr
• Snapchat

How to confront the catfish

Confront the catfish in 4 steps

1. Collect the evidence with the help of the above list of background checks.
2. Take screenshots (google how to take screenshots for your device) of the evidence
3. Write them a letter (email) attaching all the evidence you’ve collated. Be sure to write how you’re feeling and how it is affecting you in other ways. Particularly confronting them with the effects can be very powerful – you can get it off your chest, and the catfish has to face the consequences of their behaviour.
4. Allow them to respond, but do not be persuaded by any denial or profuse apologies. It’s time to block them from your contact list and all your social media accounts.

There’s no point in confronting someone working for a criminal organisation by yourself.

So, if you suspect you’re the victim of a scam whereby you’ve lost a lot of money, you should report the catfish to the appropriate authorities in your country.

How to end a catfish relationship

Here’s how to outsmart a catfish

So, here’s my advice on how you can outsmart the catfish and end that relationship:

• Don’t, even for one minute, consider the catfish’s feelings – they’ve used you.
• Block the catfish on your social media accounts (and in the future, only accept ‘friends’ you know).
• Block ‘friends’ you met through them too.
• Block them on your mobile.
• Change your email address, and be very careful about who you share it with.

That’s it!

You’ll be sad for all sorts of reasons. But, believe me – you will survive! I’m going to help you in the next section…

When you need help

7 tips to help you get over being catfished

1. Don’t give yourself a hard time – you were used and abused.
   I highly recommend you get a hypnosis download to help you cope right now. Self-hypnosis, with the help of a professional audio download, is a user-friendly, affordable and – above all – effective way to help you feel better fast. To discover how it can work for you, see my page Hypnosis FAQ and Downloads.
2. Accept that it’s going to take some time.
   Don’t let anyone tell you you should be over it in a couple of weeks or even months. If you’ve lost a lot of money, there’ll also be financial consequences.
3. Look after your own mental state.
   Explore my articles on recovering your self-esteem, getting over a breakdown and depression. Find out what the best course of action is for you personally.
4. Remind yourself often that you will recover.
   Repeat to yourself whenever you need to: “This too will pass.”
5. Take the necessary steps to prevent it from happening again.
   Protect your privacy – see my list further down.
6. Be active in your recovery.
   Take some steps towards your recovery every day. It’s no good feeling sorry for yourself (however understandable) because you’ll take much longer to get over having been catfished.
7. Talk to an online registered or licensed therapist.
   Get some professional help to recover quicker.
8. Confide in trusted and supportive friends and family.
   Do not talk to those who’ll say: “I told you so.”, but talk to someone you trust to have your best interest at heart. Bottling up your feelings will keep you feeling stuck in your grief and misery.

So, what to do now…

Guard your privacy to stop it from happening again

Here’s the minimum you need to do to stop becoming a victim of catfishing again:

• Update and secure your privacy settings on all your accounts.
• Close and delete accounts if you need to.
• ‘Friend’ people on Facebook and other social media sites only if you can verify their profile (see above) (see also my article on social media problems).
• Don’t give away too much, too soon. Be guarded about your personal life, your relationship history and your daily business.
• Be very careful what you post and where.
• Be suspicious if someone else seems to tell all there is early on.

Finally

You’ve now learned what a catfish is, all the signs of a catfish, how to prove you are or are not being catfished and how to outsmart a catfish.

You’ve also discovered that the way you’re feeling right now is normal and that you’ll recover.

I also want you to know that you’re far stronger than you think you are. You’ve got this and I’m rooting for you!