You and your partner deserve a great sexual relationship.
This can of course be difficult if you are suffering from a low libido as a man and you're just 'not in the mood'. Therefore I so hope the information here will help you to boost your sex drive. And no doubt you'll want it sorted quickly!
And I’m glad you’re here – it means that you want to find a way to resolve the problem. You might have been feeling that you’ve let your partner down lately… but of course you’re probably suffering too.
First of all, I would absolutely want you to talk to your doctor about your lack of libido - there’s no need to be embarrassed about it at all.
I can imagine you're shaking your head right now though. But, your problems might stem from something as simple as unbalanced sex hormones - which is definitely something you’d need a doctor’s help to solve.
By the way - your doctor (as well as sex researchers) might call your your low sex desire "hypoactive sexual desire disorder". Don't be alarmed, it doesn't mean you're suffering from some terrible disease!
There's absolutely no need to feel guilty or ashamed. It happens and it is what it is, now you're just going to have to find the right solution for your particular problem.
Low libido in a male can be caused by a physical condition, emotional problems (or both of course) and / or medication - much the same as in women. (If you’re interested, you could also have a look at How to Increase Libido for Women if you have a female partner who is struggling too.)
Over the years since I qualified as a couple counsellor I’ve seen far more women who worried about their lack of desire. I've not counselled many men who’ve told me freely that they have lost their sex drive – maybe because they are too embarrassed, proud or shy.
In fact, I’m usually told of the problem with sex drive by their partner or wife. Men are much less likely to seek help - even from a doctor, let alone from a counsellor – so the problem isn’t reported nearly as often as it occurs.
Below you can find the most likely causes of lack of sexual desire, but you may also want to read my article with tips and advice on how to fix a sexless marriage.
Understanding what’s causing your problem will help you to take action right away. You may be able to increase your desire yourself (perhaps with the help of self-hypnosis. Or you may need to have a conversation with your doctor.
In the case of the latter, being well-informed will help you to be more assertive about the kind of solution or advice you would like.
No, surprisingly it isn't according to Australian researchers at the University of Adelaide. They discovered that depression and lifestyle factors, not your age, cause a decline in testosterone* (the most important male sex hormone).
Until we learned about the outcome of this study we thought that men over the age of 40 would have to expect a drop in testosterone.
There has to be a significant drop in testosterone for this to lead to a drop in sex drive. Men's testosterone levels are naturally lower when they become a father.
There are many kinds of medication that can have a severe impact on male sex drive.
Stress and depression are the most common causes of low sexual desire in men. I have on this site all the information you need to bring yourself back up again if you feel depressed or stressed.
I know you might be feeling really rubbish if you are stressed or depressed, but I really want you to do something about it now.
You can find links further down the page to other resources on this site that will help you to deal with depression. Please don’t delay any longer – avoiding issues will only mean that they will catch up with you at some point… and there is never a convenient time for that.
If you are suffering from depression or anxiety do let me help you to explore how you can get yourself better, see also my article on treating depression without medication. One of the side effects of antidepressants is a decrease in sex drive.
Stressed at work?
If so, it is very likely that the result of this is noticeable at home, even if you’ve been trying to hide it. You can probably cope with short periods of stress, however prolonged periods of stress will take their toll and may well result in a lack of sex drive.
There are things you have no control over for sure. However, ask yourself honestly if you have given up actively looking for a solution to problems you do have control over?
Why not hop over to my article on problem solving strategies for a step-by-step approach to identifying and 'shifting' outdated patterns and finding new solutions? You’ll feel relieved just by taking some action. Whether it is dealing with a lousy boss or colleague, lack of promotion prospects, or disciplinary issues.
I won't be in the least surprised if you have already tried to give up smoking - maybe several times. So, let your unconscious do the work instead of your will-power. I promise you, it is so much more effective!
Have a look at "Smoking Cessation" on my Hypnosis Online FAQ page.
If you suffer from anxiety it is no wonder that you are not doing too well in bed, or have a very low libido to start with. Interestingly, an orgasm can in itself relieve some anxiety, due to the release of the hormone oxytocin (bonding hormone).
However, you really want to be dealing with your anxiety to cure it completely - not just be content with a moment of relief.
Anxiety can be such a debilitating condition, and medication is definitely not a long-term solution - however tempting a 'magic pill' might be.
I know you can stop the panic attacks and anxiety.
You know it is only going to get worse if you don't do something about it. Counselling (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and hypnotherapy can both be very helpful.
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About half of all people who suffer from depression have relationship problems. If you are having relationship or marital problems, I know you can do something positive about it.
You may find that your decreased libido is a secondary problem. It may well resolve itself when you start focussing and working on positive experiences.
I've got your back here: my Loving Communication Kit for Couples will help you to close the gap between you and your partner or spouse.
Have your troubles made you unsure about whether to stay in this relationship?
In that case, my Relationship Compatibility Test can help you to figure it out and come to a more rounded decision.
Alternatively, I recommend you connect with a professional, licensed therapist. It's easy now to set up an online session - in confidence - regardless of what time it is or what device you're using. For further information, see my page: Online Relationship Advice
Hypnosis is the easiest way to successfully treat male low libido. Why? Because your sex drive is controlled by your unconscious mind (in combination with your hormone levels of course).
The result of successful hypnosis?
You will feel generally much more vibrant and motivated because…
Once you feel your libido is at a level that you can really enjoy sex once again, you will soon forget how troubled you were by it all.
The beauty of this treatment is that you can do it in the comfort of your own environment, when it suits you. It is safe, effective, excellent value for money and - importantly - non-invasive.
You should be able to enjoy a really good sexual relationship. Not dealing with your limited libido right now will only lead to (further) conflict, unhappiness and disappointment. You'll feel frustrated and your wife or partner is very likely to feel rejected.
So, have a look at the HypnosisDownloads Bundle for Male Sexual Problems.
Generally, sex drive exists separately from impotence. Impotence means the inability to develop and maintain an erection of a quality sufficient for sexual performance.
However, your low libido can be the result of impotence.
Not being able to get an erection or maintain it can cause a huge sense of embarrassment, stress and consequential avoidance behaviour. This in turn can result in relationship problems.
You won’t be surprised to know that it’s also linked with depression. For further information, see my article on depression warning signs.
The inability to develop or maintain an erection can happen every now and then, or for a period of time, or every now and then over a period of time.
It is vital that your doctor rules out any health problems, such as diabetes or heart disease, which may be causing erectile dysfunction.
Of course, your problems can also be the result of too much alcohol.
Read my article on the stages of alcoholism to discover if you have indeed a serious problem.
If not, you could be vitamin D deficient.
You need to get yourself out and about, not just to relax and/or get some exercise, but to get some sun on your skin. Vitamin D is manufactured in your skin when it's exposed to sunlight. A deficiency can cause erectile dysfunction.
In addition, sunlight boosts your testosterone levels, completely free of charge!
Being overweight can also lead to impotence and low libido. What a daily fight it can be to lose weight!
Yet, weight management is essential in the treatment of inhibited sexual desire.
Yes, you should - just in case!
When you visit your doctor, you'll feel much more confident if you go armed with detailed information. It will help your doctor to decide on the tests to help diagnose the cause of your low libido or erectile dysfunction, and the best treatment.
Do ask your doctor too if any medication you’re currently taking may be contributing towards your problems.
If you only struggle intermittently with a low sex drive, my page on problem solving strategies can help you to identify exactly how and when it affects you.
And also, you might find it interesting to read this letter to an advice show in the New York Times.
If your doctor has given you the all-clear it is very possible that your libido will improve naturally. Nevertheless - it is a warning sign.
You certainly won't want to become anxious about having little sexual desire, and thereby doubling the problem. I do know, though, that this is easier said than done…
I’d like you to have a look at my page on adrenal fatigue syndrome. You may find that there are things that you can change to improve your overall well-being. You and your partner could work on some lifestyle changes together.
Most of all - you need to keep communicating with your partner. He or she may well know more about you than you think, so do please stop avoiding, or hiding from, the issue.
The next best step would be to contact a psychosexual therapist (sometimes called a sex therapist) for help in improving your physical relationship.
The therapist will talk with you (and your partner or wife) about what is involved in increasing your libido (and what can make sex more pleasurable for your both).
You’ll also be asked to set aside time for sex. You’re given tasks and ideas for you both to explore and try out in the privacy of your own home. A series of sessions will help to ensure that progress is made at a pace that is appropriate for each one of you.
A psychosexual therapist will also be able to identify any underlying issues that need sorting (if there are any). He or she may be able to help you with relationship advice, offer couple counselling or refer you to a couples therapist.
The worst action you could take would be to stick your head in the sand!
I hope this article has given you some indication of what the problem might be. It's up to you to do something about it now so that once again you can enjoy a healthy libido.
Your problem is never too small or too big, too silly, too embarrassing or too complicated to get personal advice (anonymous if you want) from a licensed therapist. They'll be happy to help.
I want to upfront with you - I may earn a commission from Better Help. You pay the same fee, regardless.
*Endocrine Society. Declining testosterone levels in men not part of normal ageing. ScienceDaily, 23 Jun. 2012, via ScienceDaily