3-step plan to handle criticism at work confidently

How to deal with constant, unfair and destructive criticism in the workplace

Do you have to deal with constant criticism at work? Do you feel you can’t seem to do anything right?

You might even be at the receiving end of frequent put-downs, verbal attacks, ridiculing, or discriminatory, trivialising and sarcastic comments – underhand or overt.

No wonder then you want to learn how to handle criticism at work.

Here’s what’s happening to you in the context of what ought to be healthy feedback and constructive criticism to improve your performance:

• Criticism should ideally be delivered by someone more knowledgeable and experienced than you are.
• Negative feedback should be factual – not personal.
• It should be specific and actionable.
• Constructive criticism empowers you to increase your knowledge, awareness and understanding and improve your performance.

Feedback delivered genuinely with your best interest at heart can be a huge gift. It should be motivational and include a focus on your strengths – enabling you to grow as a person and in your job or role.

Conversely, constant criticism can be a form of bullying.

Being subjected to never-ending and unfair criticism in the workplace (or anywhere else) is disempowering, undermining and disabling.

The effects of constant fault-finding are stress, sickness, depression, anxiety and demotivation.

Therefore, I’m really glad you found me – I’m going to show you how to handle criticism at work!

Let’s get cracking by looking together at unfair and constant criticism at work and how to deal with it effectively.

What do I know?

I am a qualified therapist (ret.) with 24 years of experience in various professional settings.

I have worked for a large public service where I counselled employees dealing with a wide variety of personal, relational and work-related problems. That included, sadly, helping them deal with critique and bullying.

My aim now is to help you get to grips with your troubles.

I hope that by the end of this article, you can dust yourself off, having discovered how to set healthy boundaries and make some crucial decisions.

We’ll start by taking a look at how you might have coped thus far.

How to deal with criticism

The effects of and normal reactions to unfair criticism in the workplace

Naturally, you might feel hurt, angry, frustrated or just disappointed when you’re being blamed – whether you’re dealing with complaints from a manager, colleagues or your boss.

When someone at work delivers what you feel is an unfair critique, it can feel particularly stinging.

But, when you continue to be criticised for every minor misdemeanour or no reason at all, you may well feel stressed out by it all.

I understand if you’ve either shut down or are ready to ‘give them a piece of your mind’.

However, neither defensiveness, revenge, nor denial is helpful.

And the effects of criticism?

Well, unfair criticism can make you feel angry and resentful, but also doubt yourself.

Constant criticism can lead to low self-esteem, lack of confidence and even (long-term) mental health problems.

You end up worrying about making the wrong impression and the smallest mistakes, not being considered for a promotion, being subjected to yet another onslaught. and even losing your job.

Chances are you can’t think of anything else at the moment. It’s enough for anyone to head for a mental breakdown by it all!

How to deal with the emotional fall-out of constant criticism in the workplace

The psychological effects of constant criticism

The more emotional we are as human beings, the more limited, black and white, all or nothing, our thinking becomes. It’s simply how your brain works.

That’s not great when you’re trying to deal with a challenging modern-day situation instead of escaping from a sabre-tooth tiger!

That very normal reaction may well cause you to react in a way you come to regret once you’ve calmed down.

Let’s now look at what precisely is going on in your situation at work.

Here’s how to handle criticism at work

Fair and unfair, constructive and destructive criticism is part of life whether or not we like it.

Whenever you’re learning or trying anything new, it might take a while for you to get the hang of it. Your brain needs to develop new neural pathways, and in the process, mistakes and mishaps are part of the trajectory.

However, even criticism delivered near the relatively ‘benign’ end of the spectrum of human behaviour doesn’t always sound pretty.

In such a case, getting upset by someone’s feedback will make it much harder for you to absorb new knowledge and implement new skills.

Of course, you’d have preferred that ‘feedback’ constructively, but hey ho… it’s not always so, and that’s life.

Your task is to manage your emotions at that moment to stay calm and collected. (You can wail and holler when you get home, if necessary! ;-))

At the malign end, however, you may, unfortunately, be dealing with someone on the narcissistic, socio- or psychopathic spectrum. People with those tendencies can be capable of making anyone’s life an absolute misery!

And then, there are all kinds of characters in between, of course.

To make the right decision and find the best solution to your situation, you need to know precisely who and what you’re dealing with.

Your action plan: increase your awareness

When you calmly look at the situation, you’ll be able to make the following distinctions:

Who delivers the critique?

• Are you being subjected to constant criticism from one person only?
• Are you targeted by several people, including managers and colleagues (called mobbing)?

The former could mean that either more is required of you or you’re dealing with someone with troublesome personality traits.

None of the following points is an excuse for the critics’ behaviour, but they may explain and help put things in context.

Is your critic:

• too full of themselves and their position at work?
• irrational due to physical or emotional strain?
• unskilled in communicating?
• lacking in emotional intelligence?
• acting on behalf of someone else?
• making assumptions based on their perspective of the world?
• feeling insure because they perceive you as a threat?
• subject to a combination of the above?

What are they blaming you for?

• Does the commenting take the form of character assassination (everything about you is somehow ‘wrong’?). Or…
• Are you getting feedback about a particular behaviour, piece of work or method of working?

The former means you’re being bullied!

The latter might mean that you’re being challenged to step up to the plate. You may be asked to adjust to what your manager, boss or colleagues require from you.

However, if you’ve done everything that’s required of you and you’re still subjected to never-ending fault-finding – you’re being bullied!

Whatever the reason was for the ‘appraisals’, just remember that there’s so much more to you than whatever it was that got criticised.

Remember:

• You are not your work
• You are not your performance
• You are not your art
• You are not your scores
• You are not your sport
• You are not your music
• You are not that mistake, however major or minor
• You are not your disability.

To help you bolster yourself, I think the professionally produced hypnosis audio download How to deal with the negative critic will be really effective.

Get all your questions about hypnosis audios answered – see my article Self-hypnosis FAQ and downloads.

Bullying versus criticism

Apart from being made to feel wrong in whatever you do or say, destructive criticism might be happening in the context of:

• Power battles and point-scoring
• Unfair feedback in performance reviews and reports
• Micro-management
• Extra ‘coaching’ sessions
• Overt or covert discrimination
• Emotional abuse, which, for example, includes verbal attacks, put-downs, eye-rolling, sarcasm, ‘teasing’, and making fun of you. Be sure to read my article on the signs of emotional abuse.
• Sexual harassment.

And, in the worst case, physical violence, though I suspect that’s not the case.

If you could tick several of the above points, it means you’re not ‘just’ dealing with constant nit-picking – you’re a ‘victim’ of workplace bullying!

If you’re not convinced – take the bullying test on psycom.net. https://www.psycom.net/bullying-test/

Here’s what to do to help yourself…

Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.”

Frank A. Clark

How to deal with constant criticism at work

In short – there are two ways of dealing with workplace bullying: leave as soon as possible or report.

Whether or not you should report it depends on who does the bullying.

It also depends on how far it’s ingrained in the culture of the organisation or business you work for, and if there’s a roadmap for reporting such behaviour.

Depending on the situation, reporting might need you to be an activist, feeling passionate and rebellious.

You’ll also need excellent legal, professional and social support as well as the constitution of an ox! A bundle of courage, determination and perseverance wouldn’t go amiss either.

Your confidence may well have been chipped away. So, please do not give yourself a hard time should you decide you simply can’t be doing with the additional stress of reporting your findings.

Doubtless, other people will tell you to go for it, though. The best way to deal with that is to prepare a script to shut them up!

Whether or not you’re able to leave and find another job is a whole different matter, of course.

The in-between is learning to put up with the behaviour. That means learning to weather the storm, and accepting that life isn’t always fair.

That would be a challenging personal journey all by itself!

3-step plan for dealing with constant faultfinding at work

Step 1 in handling criticism at work

Trust your instincts! You’ll know when something isn’t right, and you’re at the receiving end of unfair criticism.

Call it out if possible, regardless of where it happens – be that in a meeting, on the shop floor, in the office, or anywhere else.

If you can manage it, look the person directly in the eyes and calmly (fake it, if necessary!) state:

• “I don’t accept that kind of language.”
• “That was a very unprofessional comment.”
• “I noticed your {describe the body language}, please elude.”

The hypnosis download The secret of dealing with an angry bully (https://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/difficult-people/angry-bully?4418!page-critic-bully) will help to prepare you to stay calm and collected.

Step 2 – in how to handle criticism: take notes

Describe who, when, where, what happened and how you felt.

Taking notes will help you feel you’re not just imagining it, overreacting or being in the wrong after all.

Your notes will also prove to be invaluable if the whole situation leads to your having to or wanting to make an official complaint. Or,  you’re being called upon officially to explain yourself.

Step 3 – get support

It’s ever-so easy to misinterpret alliances at work.

So, be sure to get support from people outside the workplace to avoid complications and additional stresses.

Here’s a free worksheet to help you on your way…

How to deal with criticism – fair and unfair, destructive and constructive

Here’s how you deal with criticism at the more ‘benign’ end of the scale.

Here are three steps to prepare yourself:

1. I recommend you first get the professionally-produced hypnosis download: Handling criticism – water off a duck’s back and listen to it frequently for a week or so.
2. Remind yourself of an occasion you felt great on account of overcoming some obstacle, no matter how big or small.
3. Close your eyes – see what you saw then, hear what you heard then and feel what you felt then. Ramp it up and practice it a few times.

You’re now ready to face your critic – challenge them as follows…

10 tips for responding to criticism at work with confidence

1. Determine if the critic has all the information – don’t be afraid to assert yourself.
2. Ensure the information is accurate and unbiased (as far as possible).
3. Ask calmly for further explanation.
4. Find out how they had gathered the information.
5. Consider if there could have been a misunderstanding or if the intent was to deliberately hurt you.
6. Ask for a break and to continue the conversation after at least 20 min. The pause will give you some time to think things through and to calm down!
7. Back to the conversation, start by calmly stating that you’ve thought carefully about the comments.
8. Give the critic some credit for starters – if only for offering you an opportunity to reflect on the situation or to discuss it.
9. State your view of the situation calmly but assertively (even if you have to fake it!).
10. State what you intend to do.

How to handle constant negative appraisals at work

Being criticised can have such a detrimental effect on your sense of self, your self-esteem and confidence.

Therefore, I would like you to check to what extent the psychological effects of that criticism have crept up on you. Take a deep breath and answer the following questions to see if the onslaught has indeed started to seep into your core.

Have you started to beat yourself up?

Are you frequently critical of yourself?

Is there a gremlin sitting on your shoulder constantly undermining you?

Do you tell yourself that …

… you look ridiculous?
… you’re ‘no good’?
… you’re showing yourself up?
… you’ll never make it?
… your work is rubbish?
… you’re a failure?
… you’re unlovable?

Constant self-criticism at work or in your personal life makes it more difficult for you to deal effectively with negative comments from other people, including your boss, manager or colleague.

Let’s face it – if you’re already dealing with unfair and destructive criticism at work, you’ve already enough on your plate.

It’s time for a change! It’s time you started being kinder to yourself and value the way you’ve been coping.

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Now, I strongly advise you to do the following two things:

1. Aim to just notice when you’re over-critical of yourself – without condemnation. 
2. Get the Tame Your Inner Critic or Stop Self-Criticism hypnosis download and listen to it frequently.

Accepting constructive versus constant and destructive criticism at work

You’re probably going to get both lousy and constructive at some point! It is what it is.

Here are six steps to help you on your way

(I do know they’re easier said than done, but I’d love you to dig deep and start somewhere.)

How to accept constructive criticism

1. Accept the criticism as a gift – we all make mistakes and making mistakes is the quickest way to learn.
2. Agree briefly with your critic, depending on what happened.
3. Avoid endless explanations and excuses.
4. Thank the critic for their honest feedback.
5. Ask him or her for any advice – if appropriate.
6. Learn from your mistake, make amends and ask for another feedback session.

Having to deal with criticism offers a potential opportunity to learn if indeed you can accept it as a gift. It can stimulate you to do heaps better, change your ways, adjust your communication – or whatever else is required.

Is there a need to apologise for a mistake you’ve made? Then don’t hesitate – but do it genuinely. Discover how best to offer an effective apology – click the link and read my article.

Know that you have an abundance of courage when you get up in the morning, knowing you have to face that negative situation. Yet you do it anyway, and you get on with it.

Use that courage when deciding on your next step: leave, challenge or put up with it and let it glide off a duck’s back.

Finally

We can avoid having to face up to criticism by saying nothing and doing nothing. However, that may well come at a cost to your well-being.

There will always be people who will be critical of you or for whom you’re never going to get it right, whatever you do. But, ideally, you would not want to have to put up with constant criticism and bullying at work!

You can bolster yourself and take control over how you react to the situation, however tricky. You have now discovered how to handle criticism at work.

I know that you can do it, that you’re much stronger than you think. You’ve got this!

I’m rooting for your success and well-being.