The worst signs of depression in men

The symptoms of male depression

I imagine you’re either a spouse wanting to check out the signs of depression in men. Or, you’re a man feeling out of sorts and want to know whether or not you are suffering from depression.

If you’re the spouse, I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve already tried to get your spouse to see a doctor, to no avail. I’ve got you! For you, I have written an article on how to help your spouse overcome depression.

If you’re a man wondering if you’re suffering from depression, I get it that you may be reluctant to visit a healthcare provider.

You probably already have in your mind what visiting the doc would mean: 

• I wouldn’t know what to say
• I don’t want to talk about it
• they’ll brush you off
• they barely have time for you
• they’ll make me take medication
• they’ll send me for therapy
• etc.

I wouldn’t be surprised if you keep your worries to yourself and your spouse or partner doesn’t know how low you’re really feeling. You might have even switched to private browsing so no one can find out you’ve been looking for information on depression.

Of course, I’m making assumptions here – but I know from my professional experience that many men would much prefer to sort themselves out. Admitting to someone else you’re in trouble might feel like you’ve failed somehow.

Perhaps you have been less than sympathetic in the past towards people with mental health problems: “Burn-out? More likely swinging the lead! Depressed? Oh, for goodness’ sake – they should pull themselves together!”

Therefore, I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re keeping your worries instead to yourself. Your spouse or partner may not know how low you’re really feeling.

It’s also possible that they’d be the very last you’d want to tell because they’ve already enough on their plate. Or, your partner or spouse might be part of the reason you’re depressed!

Of course, I’m making assumptions here – but I know from my professional experience that many men would much prefer to sort themselves out.

Admitting to someone else they’re in trouble might feel like they’ve somehow failed.

Are the signs and symptoms of depression in men different than in women?

I’m hesitant to talk about the signs of depression in men being different from those of women. After all, each of us is as unique as any star in the night sky. And I see gender as being on a continuum.
I rather like Prof Baron Cohen’s assertion that you can have either a female brain or a male brain regardless of your gender (that’s a huge generalisation).
Nevertheless, research shows that women are more at risk of suffering from depression than men.
Yet…

Why men get depressed

You may have got depressed because you…

• have financial difficulties (see: Money issues in a relationship)
• feel unable to support your family – for whatever reason
• think you’re getting ‘past it’ (whatever ‘it’ might be)
• have suffered a breakdown in your marriage
• be having a full-blown affair or an emotional affair
• are addicted to porn or suffer from substance abuse
• suffer from work-related issues and even have a nervous breakdown.

You may no longer see a future for yourself, thinking you’re ‘a waste of rations’ and a burden to your family.

These are the things many men (though women too, of course) worry about.

Specific signs of depression in men

Of course, many of the signs of depression in men are the same as in women, so do read my page: Warning signs of depression.

However, here are the signs more specific to many men who could be diagnosed with depression (see also this depression questionnaire)…

7 signs of depression in men

1. Increased alcohol consumption or other addictions (see my article on the links between alcohol and depression
2. Increased risk-taking, for example, driving faster, taking less care whilst engaging in adrenaline-junkie type activities.
3. Irritability: snapping at the slightest thing (and then possibly feeling rotten about having done so). This is also one of the signs of a nervous breakdown. See FAQ about a nervous breakdown.
4. Aggression – with all the consequences for your relationship or marriage.
5. Withdrawal from normally treasured relationships
6. Impotence and low libido – no point in reaching for the Viagra!
7. A tendency to escape – working long hours, driving fast, having an affair.
   

If this sounds like you, I wouldn’t be surprised if your partner was the first to notice that you haven’t been your usual self lately.

See the results of this study on MedicalExpress.com: Depression affects the brains of males and females differently (opens in a new tab).

Do you recognise these symptoms of depression?

It’s unlikely that you woke up one morning thinking you were depressed. It’s much more likely that you’ve been suffering from some physical and emotional ‘niggles’ which have become more and more bothersome over time:

6 further signs and symptoms of male depression

1. Aches and pains – for which you may have refused to see a doctor.
2. Feeling uptight, wound up and stressed.
3. Disturbed sleep; not being able to fall asleep, frequently waking up in the night, not being able to get back to sleep and feeling dog-tired in the morning (see my article on the best natural sleep remedies).
4. Feeling listless – you can’t be bothered with the things you used to love doing.
5. Feeling unable to really connect with the very people you care about (this could be exacerbated by antidepressants, so do hop over to my article on natural ways to deal with depression.
6. Thoughts about (a violent) death – potentially one of the most worrying symptoms of depression in men.

Men are more likely to think about crashing into the back of a lorry, not opening their parachute, faking an accident of any kind or hanging themselves.

Incredibly sadly, many men go on to act on those thoughts.

Before you get to that stage – get help now! You can connect with a professional, licensed therapist – in confidence. It’s very easy to set up an online session these days. For further information, see my page on online, professional counselling for depression.

A life spent making mistakes is not only honourable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.”

– George Bernard Shaw, Irish Playwright and co-founder of the London School of Economics

Suicide and depression in men

Thinking about death doesn’t necessarily mean you’re suicidal right now.

However, I really would like you to think carefully about the meaning of your thoughts.

You may have thought about suicide, though you know you wouldn’t do it. Perhaps because of your children, your partner or some other reason that is meaningful to you.

However, the following points are particularly telling about your state of mind and of great concern:

6 signs of depression in men that point to their needing urgent medical care

1. You have thought about how you’d kill yourself
2. You have the means to do it
3. You have been planning when to do it
4. You have little support
5. You see no way out
6. You feel hopeless and helpless

Sadly men are three to four times more likely to commit suicide than women. This is because men are more likely to take action when they see no escape.

Therefore you could potentially very quickly shift from:

“I’m not going to kill myself, because…”

to… 

“I’m no good to anyone, they’re much better off without me.”