How to increase female libido quickly or even instantly

Can you increase female libido quickly when you’re ‘not in the mood’?

If you need a female libido booster because you have no desire to make love, the good news is that low libido is often a temporary problem.

I can understand, though, that you want to know how to increase female libido quickly or even instantly.

I’m glad you’ve landed here, so I can help you increase your libido. I’ll be straight with you, though. You won’t always like my advice.

I certainly have tips on boosting your libido quickly, but they might not be what you really need. The problem with low libido can’t always be solved instantly.

I’ve listed the things that could affect your desire and what you can do about them. I’ll be focusing not only on quick results but also on those that will increase your pleasure in the longer term.

To get you on the road to increased libido, we first need to establish what caused your lack of it. We’ll link your low libido to your mental and physical well-being – the two go hand-in-hand.

Only by understanding the underlying problem can you find a solution to boost it more reliably over time.

The first step toward increasing your libido

I would really like you to see your doctor first. There are a number of medical conditions (e.g. heart disease, anaemia and thyroid problems) that could stand in the way of you being able to enjoy an active physical relationship.

Your doctor will do a physical exam, including a pelvic examination, and arrange for some blood tests to rule out any disorders that would thwart your attempts to jack up your desire.

A woman’s desire is based on a complex interaction of many components affecting intimacy. It includes physical, mental, and emotional well-being, previous experiences, beliefs, lifestyle, and the state of your current relationship. It makes sense, then, that if you’re experiencing a problem in any of these areas, it can affect your libido.*

Not convinced your libido is the problem? Read on.

Can you increase your libido when you’re having relationship problems?

Increase female libido by dealing with underlying relationship problems first

Let’s get the following out of the way first.

When you’ve fallen out, or even fallen out of love

Your body won’t respond the way you want it to if you’re miffed with your partner or spouse. You’ll unlikely enjoy their presence, let alone being physically intimate.

Firstly

If the two of you can’t seem to resolve your differences, I’ll be straight – there’s no point in figuring out how to increase your libido (that is unless you’re having an affair!).

You’ll find links to whatever is troubling the two of you on my page 25 common relationship problems. The good news is that once you start addressing the issues, you might find your libido gets an immediate boost!

Secondly

If the two of you are bored by your sex life – very common – then the best way to boost it is by introducing something new. Our brain is designed to get bored by ‘the usual’. You’ll want to fire it up again with novel stuff. Get the books and the tools and go for what you’d never thought you’d do.

Thirdly

If you’re not sure you’re in the right relationship, my free Relationship Test can help you find out once and for all.

Next, we’ll deal with the most wanted information – how to increase female libido instantly!

Here goes…

How to increase female libido instantly

There’s only one way to increase female libido instantly. That is by creating your most-wished-for-sex scenario in your imagination.

Here’s how you, as a woman, can increase your libido at the drop of a hat:

Step 1

Dare to dream – if you’re short of ideas, get your inspiration from books or films.

Step 2

Try it out for yourself without having the pressure to ‘perform’. Adjust, change or build on your most-desired scene. Practice it until you’ve got it precisely as you like paying attention to all your senses. Press your thumb and forefinger together to ’embed’ the experience at its height.

Keep practising the embedding. (This is an NLP technique.)

Step 3

Recreate that image in your mind by touching your thumb and forefinger together. Call on the technique while building up to a climax to increase your libido instantly.

Next, we’ll look at what else can decrease libido in women.

Increase women’s libido fast?

Female libido ‘boosters

Are there any quick-acting female libido boosters, such as Viagra?

In short: no! I’m really sorry.

I sooo get that you’d love a magic pill to boost your libido. But I’m afraid there is no such thing as female Viagra – Addyi (opens in a new tab).

I know it seems like it’d be easier to pop some pills like pink Viagra (approved by the Food and Drug Administration but with significant side effects and dubious effectiveness).

Also, think again if you’re tempted to try marijuana products (opens in a new tab). They are likely to cause even more trouble.

And how many oysters can you eat?!

So, no, there are no reliable libido boosters for women.

Let’s now look at what could be troubling you and causing you to have a low libido.

What causes a loss of libido?

Here’s what might cause low libido in women: 

1. Difficulty reaching orgasm (if you climax at all)
2. Tightening of the vagina
3. Significant discomfort, such as vulvodynia (pain in the skin surrounding the vagina) or dryness.
4. Trauma
5. Shyness when talking about what works for you and what doesn’t, what you like and don’t like
6. Relationship problems, such as abuse or an otherwise failing relationship or marriage
7. Stress
8. Tiredness
9. A crisis in your life (though a crisis in your relationship can sometimes increase your libido very quickly!)
10. Medication, particularly antidepressants and Tamoxifen (for breast cancer)
11. Health problems
12. Lifestyle: smoking, alcohol, illegal drugs and lack of exercise (no further explanation needed here!)
13. The contraceptive pill – can cause anxiety, depression and low libido**.
14. Not finding your husband or partner attractive anymore.
15. Your spouse or partner telling you they no longer find you sexually attractive.

You might recognise that you’re suffering from one or more of the above issues but hadn’t previously realised it could affect your libido.

In which case, focusing on how to increase your libido isn’t your starting point.

How to boost female libido

12 specific ways to increase female libido

1. Stressed out?

We evolved millions of years ago at a time when stress meant thinking about having lunch or becoming lunch! It doesn’t take much to imagine that it’d be impossible to make love when there’s an imminent risk of being attacked by a tiger.

Of course, whilst you’re unlikely to be on high alert for tiger attacks, you may well be living with constant stress – at home, at work, in your personal life etc. If that’s the case, it’s no wonder you don’t fancy making love.

Self-hypnosis is one of the best ways to switch off those whirring thoughts and uptight feelings. Once you’ve learned to relax, your libido will rise.

Also, read my article Stressed for no reason. link

2. Are you tired or completely worn out?

Do you always have far too much to do? Do you lack the energy even to think about being physically intimate?

Chances are, then, that other aspects of your life also suffer, including your libido.  

In this case, I’m more concerned about helping you sort out your general tiredness than raising your libido.

• I recommend the Energy Boosting Hypnosis Download (Hypnosis FAQ and downloads). 
• Read my article on problem-solving strategies. It will take you step-by-step to find the precise cause of your exhaustion.
• Then there’s a tricky question for you. Could it be that, deep down, your tiredness helps you avoid having to perform in the bedroom – for whatever reason?

If the latter, then finding out how to increase female libido is not what you need right now.

Instead, there’s a link at the bottom of this page to a research paper supporting an excellent book that can help.

3. Shyness interfering with your libido?

1. Read my article on how to build your self-esteem. Or get the self-hypnosis download Raising Your Self-Esteem.
2. Get the self-hypnosis audio download Shy Naked
3. Hop over to my article on lack of intimacy and scroll down to the bit on talking about sex.

4. Is anxiety getting in the way of increasing your libido?

Ironically, making love may help bring anxiety levels down due to the influence of the calming/bonding hormone oxytocin. (One of those annoying catch-22s!)

I recommend you do all you can to reduce your anxiety levels first, rather than looking for female libido boosters.

See my article: Anxiety for no apparent reason.

5. Depression making it difficult to motivate yourself?

If you’re struggling to motivate yourself to get up in the morning, it’s not surprising that you just can’t be bothered with making love.

Until you feel better in yourself, there’s not much point in finding out how to increase female libido. Instead, it’s time to contact a licensed or registered therapist. Or, if you’re not ready for that just yet, explore all the depression help freely available on my site.

Just in case you’re taking antidepressants, know that one of the side effects is low libido!

6. Have you been traumatised?

Were you (sexually) abused as a child or an adult? Or have you experienced some other trauma from which you haven’t yet recovered, such as a traumatic delivery of your baby? Then hop over to my article Coping with trauma to learn more.

Female libido is tied up with an ability to relax and let go. If there’s a part of you desperately trying to maintain control because of previous trauma, then understandably, you could suffer a loss of desire.

7. Problems reaching orgasm?

How comfortable are you with your own body? If you’re not, you can make a gentle start by slowly exploring it on your own, step by step. Use a mirror – a small one will do for starters. Be kind rather than judge yourself.

8. Tightening of the vagina?

You might want to try the hypnosis download that treats vaginismus. However, I suspect you will need to see a specialist therapist for treatment.

Don’t worry – any treatment and ways to increase your libido will be done at your pace, ever so gently.

9. Recently given birth? Breastfeeding?

Giving birth and breastfeeding shift the whole spectrum of hormones. You may also be sore from the delivery, particularly after an episiotomy or caesarean.  

Breastfeeding and looking after a new baby takes enormous energy, so it’s no wonder if you feel exhausted and not bothered about sex!

A change in hormone levels, and a consequent lack of desire, is nature’s way of ensuring that you’re not likely to fall pregnant again too soon. Wait and see how you recover and how the scars heal. There’s no immediate cure here – just a little patience!

10. How to increase female libido when you’ve had your ovaries removed

If you’ve had a hysterectomy and your ovaries were removed at the same time, a sudden drop in testosterone can cause a lowering of your libido.

A good surgeon or family doctor would have discussed hormone replacement therapy with you.

It’s not too late to start HRT if that’s what you want. Ensure you’re well-informed before you make that decision!

11. Post-menopausal?

Perimenopause symptoms and the menopause bring a whole host of hormonal upheaval, so a loss of desire isn’t unusual.

Seeking the advice of a medical professional can help here. Again, you might want to consider HRT, but be sure to research the advantages and disadvantages first.

You might want to consider alternative treatments instead.

See also my article on how your husband or partner can support you through the menopause.

12. Deficient in nutrients?

A poor nutritional state can cause low libido.

To give you a snapshot:

• Vit B12 is the energy vitamin – not enough vitamin B12 means not enough energy.
• Low levels of Vit D3 are linked with a lack of libido.
• Birth control pills can be linked with vitamin and mineral deficiencies***

Just popping vitamin pills won’t help raise your libido, though. Many of the vitamin supplements available are synthetic. So, they’re unlikely to be absorbed by your body – and even if they are, they’re often not utilised. In other words – you may be wasting your money.

The secret to desire in a long-term relationship

Esther Perel researched desire in long-term relationships. This video (opens in a new tab) is so watchable – funny and very interesting!

Finally

I hope I’ve given you sufficient information on how to increase your libido quickly or even instantly and over time by dealing with underlying problems.

References

*MayoClinic.com Low Libido in Women Information
**The Contraceptive Pill: How Safe Is It? BBC Horizon
***PubMed.gov – Oral contraceptives and changes to nutritional requirements