How to increase female libido quickly and effectively

Category: Better Relationships | Author and Publisher: Elly Prior | First published: 25-09-2010 | Modified: 11-12-2018

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CLICK HERE for my article on improving MALE libido
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?'. He said, "I don't want to wake you up."


Joan Rivers, Comedian

If you're in need of a female libido booster because you just have no sexual desire, the good news is that problems with libido are often temporary.

And if you want to know how to increase female libido, I'm so glad you've found this article. Here, I've listed the things that could potentially affect your desire, and what you can do about them. I'll be focussing not only quick results, but specifically those that will increase your sexual pleasure longer term.

To get you on the road to increased sexual desire, we first need to establish what caused your lack of it. We'll be linking your low libido to both your mental health and your physical well-being (of course, the two go hand-in-hand!).

When you know what's underlying your low desire, you'll understand what might boost your libido. And you’ll be pleased to know that there are some excellent resources to help you increase your libido as quickly as possible.

It is, however, really important that you see a doctor first. There are a number of medical conditions (e.g. heart disease, anaemia and thyroid problems) that could stand in the way of you being able to enjoy a healthy physical relationship. And, of course, any of those conditions definitely need treatment in their own right.

By the way, your doctor may call your problem female sexual dysfunction or Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD).

Let me reassure you - neither one is some kind of gruesome disease.

The first is simply an umbrella term for all sorts of problems with female sexual health, and the latter just refers to low (female) sex drive.

Your doctor will do a physical exam, including a pelvic examination, and arrange for some blood tests.

How to increase female libido quickly and effectively

A woman's desire for sex is based on a complex interaction of many components affecting intimacy, including physical well-being, emotional well-being, experiences, beliefs, lifestyle and current relationship. It makes sense, then, that if you're experiencing a problem in any of these areas, it can affect your sexual desire.*

Not convinced it’s your libido that’s the problem?

Do you suspect it’s a wider issue between you and your partner?

In that case be sure to also read my article on how to deal with sexual relationship problems.

How to increase female libido quickly and effectively

What could possibly underlie your lack of libido?

There are many issues that can cause low libido, so let’s take a look at just some of the possibilities. 

12 problems that can affect female desire

  1. Difficulty reaching orgasm (if you climax at all)
  2. Tightening of the vagina
  3. Significant discomfort, such as vulvodynia (pain in the skin surrounding the vagina) or dryness.
  4. Trauma
  5. Shyness when talking about what works for you and what doesn't, what you like and don't like
  6. Relationship problems, such as abuse or an otherwise failing relationship or marriage
  7. Stress
  8. Tiredness
  9. A crisis in your life (though a crisis in your relationship can sometimes increase your libido very quickly!)
  10. Medication, particularly antidepressants
  11. Health problems
  12. Lifestyle: smoking, alcohol, illegal drugs and lack of exercise (no further explanation here!)

You might recognise that you’re suffering from one or more of the above issues, but hadn’t previously realised that it/they could affect your libido.

Know then that for most you can stop focussing on how to increase your libido. Dealing with the underlying problem may well solve your problem.

We’ll take a look at some of these issues in more detail further down.

Just before that, your recovery from any of these problems can be hugely improved with the help of a professional.

Who might that be?

  • a (specially trained) physician
  • a psychosexual therapist, or...
  • a relationship counsellor

I want to be upfront with you - I may earn a commission from Better Help. You pay the same fee, regardless. 

Are there no quick-acting female libido boosters, such as Viagra?

In short: no! I'm really sorry.

I really get that you'd rather take a magic pill to boost your libido. There is no such thing as female Viagra⧉ (Addyi).

Think again too if you're tempted to try marijuana products

How to boost female libido

It’s likely that just one or two of the causes of low libido that we’re about to talk about will apply to you.

If you’re not sure where your own problems are coming from, as you’re reading, stay aware of how you react to any of the points I mention.

For example, you may feel that my comments on stress, trauma and relationship problems ring a bell for you. So, your reaction could give you an indication that those are the issues that are currently playing a part in your lack of libido.

How to increase a woman's libido fast

Pushed for time? Run out of patience? Can't be doing with the underlying stuff?

My best advice for you, then, is to try self hypnosis. It’s cost-effective, user-friendly way to start tackling your problems immediately.

For further information on libido boosting hypnosis downloads, see my article Hypnosis FAQ and downloads.

Increase female libido - a spotlight on issues that might be lowering your libido

How stress can stop you from raising your libido

Feeling stressed?

It's no wonder then that you can't be doing with sex.

We evolved millions of years ago at a time when stress meant thinking about having lunch - or being in danger of becoming lunch!  It doesn't take much to imagine that it’d be impossible to have sex when there’s an imminent risk of being attacked by a tiger!

Of course, whilst you're unlikely to be on high alert for tiger attacks, you may well be living with high levels of stress - at home, at work, in your personal life etc. So, although there’s no tiger involved, your emotionally stressed state still prevents you from working up any interest in sex.

Dealing with the excess stress in your life will help you to become more relaxed. And as you relax, your libido is likely to increase again.

And then it’s a happy circle: the more relaxed and well you feel, the more your overall (mental) health - and libido - will increase.

Self-hypnosis is one of the best ways to learn to switch off those whirring thoughts. You'll be more able to take whatever is happening in your stride.

See my article: Self-hypnosis FAQ and downloads for further information.

Are you simply tired or completely worn out?

Do you always have far too much to do?

And never have the energy - let alone the time - for sex or intimacy?

Chances are then that other aspects of your life are suffering too.  

In this case, I'm far more concerned about helping you to sort out your general tiredness than raising your libido.

  • Start with my article on adrenal fatigue and be sure to have a medical checkup of course.
  • The Energy Boosting Hypnosis Download (Hypnosis FAQ and downloads) is also really worthwhile trying. And you may also find it helpful to visit my Problem Solving Strategies article to help you find out what's really causing you to be so permanently exhausted.
  • And there’s an important (and potentially tricky!) question for you now. Do you want to stop feeling worn out, or do you know, deep down, that your tiredness helps you to avoid having sex - for whatever reason?

If the latter, then learning how to increase female libido is definitely not what you need right now!

Instead, there's a link at the bottom of this page to a research paper supporting a great book which can be a real help.

Increase female libido by dealing with Shyness

Shyness can be a more challenging one to solve. It can need a bit more time - as I'm sure you're aware. However, it can absolutely be sorted.

You can make a really good start by reading and informing yourself generally about how to have a healthy sexual relationship. It'll help just to get comfortable with the language. You may also find the Shy Naked hypnosis download helpful.  

And, talk to your partner. It might feel embarrassing, but s/he should care about your feelings enough to have an honest conversation with you about something that’s troubling you. If they don’t, then don’t waste your time learning how to boost your libido for their benefit!

Just overcoming your shyness may improve your libido with no further need for female libido boosters.

By the way, if you have low self-esteem generally, and perhaps a poor body-image, then the hypnosis download for Raising Your Self-Esteem can be really helpful (see my article: Hypnosis Downloads and FAQ!)

You create an entire movie in your mind,
and in that picture you are the director, producer, the main actor or actress. -Don Miguel RuizHow to increase female libido: Create the desired erotic imagery in your mind - your fantasies matter!

Increase your libido by dealing with your Relationship problems

If you're unhappy in your relationship it's very unlikely that you're going to really enjoy having sex. In this case, figuring out how to improve female libido isn’t what you should be concentrating on right now.

Instead, I encourage you to explore my website. I've published many articles about how to deal with relationship problems. And now is the time to start addressing whatever the issues might be.

I wonder how you'd feel about suggesting relationship counselling or marriage guidance to your partner? If he or she isn't keen (or you aren’t), and you have no idea how to improve matters, then you I think you'll find my Loving Communication Kit for Couples really helpful. It's chock-full of tool, tips and advice.

And if by any chance you're in an abusive relationship, I know you're definitely in need of help. Please, do connect with a professional counsellor as soon as possible.

Ultimately, if you're not sure that you're in the right relationship, then my Relationship Test can help you find out, once and for all.

Save $12 and your relationship
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Anxiety or specific fears

If you suffer from anxiety, it may be stopping you from being able to have an enjoyable, healthy physical relationship. Ironically, having sex may help bring anxiety levels down due to the influence of the calming/bonding hormone oxytocin. (One of those annoying catch-22s!)

I strongly believe it'd be far more helpful for you to do all you can to bring down your anxiety levels, rather than look for female libido boosters. I'd give the same advice if you're suffering specific fears around having a physical relationship.

You may not need to learn how to increase female libido after all - you may find your libido improves when you feel more relaxed. (There is a great hypnosis download to help you relax and reach orgasm. Yep, there’s a download for everything!)

See also my article: Anxiety for no apparent reason.

Boosting your libido by dealing with Depression

If you're really struggling to motivate yourself to get up in the morning, it's not surprising that you just can't be bothered with sex.

Depression is often caused by essential emotional needs not being met in balance.

Until you feel better in yourself, there’s not much point in learning how to increase female libido. Instead, it's time to contact a good counsellor! Or, if you’re not ready for that just yet, explore all of the depression help that’s freely available right here on my site.

Just a little note of warning before you start searching for depression treatment: antidepressants often cause low libido and general lack of romantic feelings. A rather depressing side effect! So approach with caution, and take a look at natural alternatives first.

You can also learn how to cure yourself from depression with Hypnosis Download’s effective complete depression bundle.

Trauma and its effect on libido

Were you abused as a child or an adult? Or have you experienced some other damaging trauma from which you haven't yet recovered? Pop over to my article Coping with trauma to learn more. Female sexual desire is tied up with your ability to relax and let go. If there's a part of you that desperately tries to maintain control because of previous trauma, then very understandably you suffer a loss of desire.

Problems reaching orgasm?

How comfortable are you with your own body? If you're not at all, you can make a gentle start by very slowly exploring it on your own, step by tiny step. Use a mirror, even if it's a really tiny one to start with.

Whatever the cause of your discomfort, this is a really important first step. Take your time and learn how different parts of your body respond to your touch. I know it's not going to happen overnight, but I also know that you can do it. Be kind, rather than judging yourself. Just take it step by step and treat everything that happens as feedback.

Believe me, there's no point in learning how to increase female libido and/or taking a female libido booster if you can’t become comfortable in your own skin.

Tightening of the vagina?

This is definitely one for a specialist therapist, but you might first want to try the hypnosis download that treats vaginismus.  

If you do go to see a specialist, they'll have a specific way of sorting the problem out for you - by way of talking therapy and things you can do at home.

Don't worry - any treatment and ways to increase your libido will be done at your pace, and ever so gently.

Recently given birth?  Breastfeeding?

Giving birth and breastfeeding shift the whole spectrum of hormones. You may also be sore from the birth, particularly after an episiotomy or caesarean.  

Breastfeeding and looking after a new baby take an enormous amount of energy so it’s no wonder you may often feel exhausted!

A change in hormone levels, and a consequent lack of desire, is nature's way of ensuring that you're not likely to fall pregnant again too soon. Wait and see how you recover and how the scars heal. There’s no immediate cure here - just a little patience!

How to increase female libido when you've had your Ovaries removed

If you've had a hysterectomy and your ovaries were removed at the same time, a sudden drop in testosterone can cause a lowering of your libido.

A good surgeon or family doctor would have discussed hormone replacement therapy with you.

It's not too late to start HRT, if that's what you want to do. However, I really want you to be sure that you are very well-informed before you make that decision, so do take the time to do thorough research first.

Raising your libido when you're  Post-menopausal?

The menopause brings with it a whole host of hormonal upheaval, so loss of desire isn’t unusual.

Seeking the advice of a medical professional can help here. Again, you might want to consider HRT, but inform yourself of all the advantages and disadvantages first.

You could perhaps consider alternative treatments instead.

Vitamin deficiencies and low libido

A poor nutritional state can lead to sexual dysfunction and in particular a low libido too.

To give you a snapshot:

  • Vit B12 is the energy vitamin - not enough vitamin B12 = not enough energy (in general, not just for sex!)
  • Low levels of Vit D3 are known to be linked with a lack of sex drive
  • Birth control pills can be linked with vitamin and mineral deficiencies **

It won't help, though, to just start popping vitamin pills when you have no interest in sex. Many of the vitamin supplements available are synthetic. So, they’re unlikely to be absorbed by your body - and even if they are, they're often not utilised.

First and foremost you'll need to want to take responsibility for looking after yourself, and nurturing yourself with a healthy diet and exercise. Only when you take control of that aspect of your life will your energy and self-esteem, improve and with that - your interest in sex.

Safe and sufficient exposure to sunlight will improve your uptake of Vit D with huge health benefits. So, get yourself outside - start walking!

The secret to desire in a long-term relationship

Esther Perel researched desire in a long-term relationship. This video is so watchable - funny and very interesting!

What about female libido 'boosters' to improve sexual desire and arousal?

I know it seems like it’d be easier to pop some pills like pink Viagra (approved by the Food and Drug Administration, but with significant side effects and dubious effectiveness), eat some libido boosters and be done with it. But, really, how many oysters can you actually eat?! And looking at only some of the potential hindrances to women's sexual desire in this article, you'll understand now that there is no 'quick fix' that'll boost your libido and improve your sex life.

There are indeed foods that are supposed to increase desire. However, a focus on one area of human functioning invariably causes problems in others. 

So, ultimately, a healthy lifestyle - which includes healthy eating and, if necessary, weight loss, stress management, and tackling (mental) health issues - is the road to a healthy desire and improved sexual pleasure.

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Related articles

How to Get Trustworthy Relationship Advice
Surviving Infidelity
Breaking Up Tips and Advice
PTSD Symptoms
How to Stop Arguing
Adrenal Fatigue Symptoms
Problem Solving Strategies
How to Find a Counsellor

References

*MayoClinic.com Low Sex Drive in Women Information
**PubMed.gov - Oral contraceptives and changes to nutritional requirements

Other interesting links

The Journal of Sexual Medicine

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