How to increase female libido effectively and heighten sexual pleasure

Category: Better Relationships | Author and Publisher: Elly Prior | First published: 25-09-2010 | Modified: 09-09-2018

 Highlight any text to quote and share on Facebook! 

Libido boosters for men


CLICK HERE for my article on improving MALE libido
 and erectile dysfunction.

I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?'. He said, "I don't want to wake you up."


Joan Rivers, Comedian

If you're in need of a female libido booster because you just have no sexual desire, the good news is that problems with libido are often temporary.

And if you want to know how to increase your desire, I'm so glad you've found this article. Here, I've listed the things that could potentially affect your libido, and what you can do about them.

To get you on the road to increased sexual pleasure, we first need to establish what caused your lack of sexual desire. We'll be linking your low libido to both your mental health and your physical well-being (of course, the two go hand-in-hand!).

When you know what's underlying your low desire, you'll understand what might boost your libido. And you’ll be pleased to know that there are some excellent resources to help you increase your libido as quickly as possible.

It is, however, really important that you see a doctor first. There are a number of medical conditions (e.g. heart disease, anaemia and thyroid problems) that could stand in the way of you being able to enjoy a healthy physical relationship. And, of course, any of those conditions definitely need treatment in their own right.

By the way, your doctor may call your problem female sexual dysfunction or hypoactive sexual desire disorder. Be reassured - neither one is some kind of gruesome disease. The first is simply an umbrella term for all sorts of problems with female sexual health, and the latter just refers to low (female) sex drive.

Don Miguel Ruiz: Create erotic images in your mind's eye to help increase your sex drive

A woman's desire for sex is based on a complex interaction of many components affecting intimacy, including physical well-being, emotional well-being, experiences, beliefs, lifestyle and current relationship. It makes sense, then, that if you're experiencing a problem in any of these areas, it can affect your sexual desire.*

Just in case: if you’re not convinced it’s your libido that’s the problem, and instead it’s a wider issue between you and your partner, hop over to my article on how to deal with sexual relationship problems.

What could possibly underlie your lack of libido?

There are many issues that can cause low libido, so let’s take a look at just some of the possibilities. 

10 Problems that can affect female desire

  1. Difficulty reaching orgasm (if at all)
  2. Tightening of the vagina (and of course a female libido 'booster' won't work for this)
  3. Significant discomfort, such as vulvodynia (pain in the skin surrounding the vagina)
  4. Trauma - in which case, there’s no need to know about how to increase female libido. Dealing with the trauma first would probably solve your problem
  5. Shyness when talking about what works for you and what doesn't, what you like and don't like
  6. Relationship problems
  7. Stress
  8. Tiredness
  9. A crisis in your life
  10. Medication

You might recognise that you’re suffering from one or more of the above issues, but hadn’t previously realised that it/they could affect your libido. So, I hope it helps to know that if you address those underlying difficulties, your libido should start to improve all on its own! We’ll take a look at some of these issues in more detail further down.

Just before that, your recovery from any of these problems can be hugely improved with the help of a professional.

Who might that be?

  • a (specially trained) physician
  • a psychosexual therapist, or the very least...
  • a relationship counsellor

For starters, you could connect - in confidence - with an online expert counsellor, really quickly and easily, right now (see my page: Online Relationship Advice).

I really get that you'd rather take a magic pill to make everything better straight away, but - believe me -  it's best not to take shortcuts when your health and happiness are at stake. (And anyway, there is no magic pill, I’m afraid!).

I want to be upfront with you - I may earn a commission from Better Help. You pay the same fee, regardless. 

How to increase female libido

It’s likely that just one or two of the causes of low libido that we’re about to talk about will apply to you. If you’re not sure where your own problems are coming from, as you’re reading, stay aware of how you react to any of the points I mention. For example, you may feel that my comments on stress, trauma and relationship problems ring a bell for you. So, your reaction could give you an indication that those are the issues that are currently playing a part in your lack of libido.

Want to do something about it right now?

If you’re pushed for time or you’ve simply run out of patience and just want to get your issues sorted right now, my best advice for you is to try self hypnosis.

It’s great way to start tackling your problems immediately. At HypnosisDownloads they know how to sort and soothe your unconscious mind! They have an excellent female libido booster - see my article Hypnosis FAQ and downloads. It'll help you to safely and fairly effortlessly increase your sex drive - all from the comfort of your own home, and in your own time.

A spotlight on some of the issues that might be lowering your libido

Are you feeling stressed?

It's no wonder that you can't be doing with sex when you're stressed. We evolved millions of years ago at a time when stress meant thinking about having lunch - or being in danger of becoming lunch!  It doesn't take much to imagine that it’d be impossible to have sex when there’s an imminent risk of being attacked by a tiger!

Of course, whilst you're unlikely to be on high alert for tiger attacks, you may well be living with high levels of stress - at home, at work, in your personal life etc. So, although there’s no tiger involved, your emotionally stressed state still prevents you from working up any interest in sex.

Dealing with the excess stress in your life will help you to become more relaxed. And as you relax, your libido will increase again. Not only that, but a whole host of other complaints will also reduce or even vanish when you’ve learnt how to manage your stress levels. And then it’s a happy circle: the more relaxed and well you feel, the more your overall emotional health - and libido - will increase.

Are you simply tired or completely worn out?

Do you always have far too much to do? And never have the energy - let alone the time - for sex or intimacy? Well, if your physical relationship is suffering and you're in need of a female libido booster, I have no doubt that other aspects of your life are suffering too.  

In this case, I'm far more concerned about helping you to sort out your general tiredness than your low libido. So, check out my article on adrenal fatigue to start dealing with this issue.

The Energy Boosting Hypnosis Download (Hypnosis FAQ and downloads) is another good place to start. And you may also find it helpful to visit my Problem Solving Strategies article to help you find out what's really causing you to be so permanently exhausted.

And there’s an important (and potentially tricky!) question for you now: do you want to stop feeling worn out, or do you know deep down that your tiredness helps you to avoid having sex - for whatever reason? If the latter, then learning  how to increase female libido is definitely not what you need right now! Instead, there's a link at the bottom of this page to a research paper supporting a great book which can be a real help.

Shyness

This issue can be a more challenging one to solve. It can need a bit more time - as I'm sure you're aware. However, it can absolutely be sorted.

You can make a really good start by reading generally about how to have a healthy sexual relationship. It'll help just to get comfortable with the language. You may also find the Shy Naked hypnosis download helpful.  

And, talk to your partner. It might feel embarrassing, but s/he should care about your feelings enough to have an honest conversation with you about something that’s troubling you. If they don’t, then don’t waste your time learning how to boost your libido for their benefit!

Just overcoming your shyness may improve your libido with no further need for female libido boosters.

By the way, if you have low self-esteem generally, and perhaps a poor body-image, then the hypnosis download for Raising Your Self-Esteem can be really helpful (see my article: Hypnosis Downloads and FAQ!)

Relationship problems

If you're unhappy in your relationship it's very unlikely that you're going to really enjoy having sex. In this case, figuring out how to improve female libido isn’t what you should be concentrating on right now.

Instead, I encourage you to explore my website. I've published many articles about how to deal with relationship problems. And now is the time to start addressing whatever the issues might be.

I wonder how you'd feel about suggesting relationship counselling or marriage guidance to your partner? If he or she isn't keen (or you aren’t), and you have no idea how to improve matters, then you I think you'll find my Loving Communication Kit for Couples really helpful. It's chock-full of tool, tips and advice.

And if by any chance you're in an abusive relationship, I know you're definitely in need of help. Please, do connect with a professional counsellor as soon as possible.

Ultimately, if you're not sure that you're in the right relationship, then my Relationship Test can help you find out, once and for all.

Anxiety or specific fears

If you suffer from anxiety, it may be stopping you from being able to have an enjoyable, healthy physical relationship. Ironically, having sex may help bring anxiety levels down due to the influence of the calming/bonding hormone oxytocin. (One of those annoying catch-22s!)

I strongly believe it'd be far more helpful for you to do all you can to bring down your anxiety levels, rather than look for female libido boosters. I'd give the same advice if you're suffering specific fears around having a physical relationship. You may not need to learn how to increase female libido after all - you may find your libido improves when you feel more relaxed. (There is a great hypnosis download to help you relax and reach orgasm. Yep, there’s a download for everything!)

If you're suffering from general anxiety, excessive worry, panic attacks, fears and/or phobias, then I recommend Chris Bayliss' program, Panic Miracle.

Chris himself suffered dreadfully from anxiety for many years. He didn't find any cure after visiting a whole range of doctors, psychiatrists, hypnotherapists, acupuncturists, etc. He then did masses of research and, over time, cured himself.

He has since cured countless people of their panic attacks and has now developed Panic Miracle. It’s helped many thousands of people get rid of their anxiety - for good.

Depression

If you're really struggling to motivate yourself to get up in the morning, it's not surprising that you just can't be bothered with sex. Depression is often caused by essential emotional needs not being met in balance. And until you feel better in yourself, there’s not much point in learning how to increase female libido. Instead, it's time to contact a good counsellor! Or, if you’re not ready for that just yet, explore all of the depression help that’s freely available right here on my site.

Just a little note of warning before you start searching for depression treatment: antidepressants often cause low libido and general lack of romantic feelings. A rather depressing side effect! So approach with caution, and take a look at natural alternatives first.

You can also learn how to cure yourself from depression with Hypnosis Download’s fabulous complete depression bundle.

Trauma and its effect on libido

Were you abused as a child or an adult? Or have you experienced some other damaging trauma from which you haven't yet recovered? Pop over to my article Coping with trauma to learn more. Female sexual desire is tied up with your ability to relax and let go. If there's a part of you that desperately tries to maintain control because of previous trauma, then very understandably you suffer a loss of desire.

Problems reaching orgasm?

How comfortable are you with your own body? If you're not at all, you can make a gentle start by very slowly exploring it on your own, step by tiny step. Use a mirror, even if it's a really tiny one to start with.

Whatever the cause of your discomfort, this is a really important first step. Take your time and learn how different parts of your body respond to your touch. I know it's not going to happen overnight, but I also know that you can do it. Be kind, rather than judging yourself. Just take it step by step and treat everything that happens as feedback.

Believe me, there's no point in learning how to increase female libido and/or taking a female libido booster if you can’t become comfortable in your own skin.

Tightening of the vagina?

This is definitely one for a specialist therapist, but you might first want to try the hypnosis download that treats vaginismus.  

If you do go to see a specialist, they'll have a specific way of sorting the problem out for you - by way of talking therapy and things you can do at home. Don't worry - all will be done at your pace, and ever so gently.

Recently given birth?  Breastfeeding?

Giving birth and breastfeeding shift the whole spectrum of hormones. You may also be sore from the birth, particularly after an episiotomy or caesarean.  

Breastfeeding and looking after a new baby take an enormous amount of energy so it’s no wonder you may often feel exhausted!

A change in hormone levels, and a consequent lack of desire, is nature's way of ensuring that you're not likely to fall pregnant again too soon. Wait and see how you recover and how the scars heal. There’s no immediate cure here - just a little patience!

Ovaries removed?

If you've had a hysterectomy and your ovaries were removed at the same time, a sudden drop in testosterone can cause a lowering of your libido.

A good surgeon or family doctor would have discussed hormone replacement therapy with you. It's not too late to start HRT, if that's what you want to do. However, I really want you to be sure that you are very well-informed before you make that decision, so do take the time to do thorough research first.

Post-menopausal?

The menopause brings with it a whole host of hormonal upheaval, so loss of desire isn’t unusual. Seeking the advice of a medical professional can help here. Again, you might want to consider HRT, but inform yourself of all the advantages and disadvantages first. You could perhaps consider alternative treatments instead.

Vitamin deficiencies

A poor nutritional state can lead to sexual dysfunction and in particular a low libido too. To give you a snapshot:

  • Vit B12 is the energy vitamin - not enough vitamin B12 = not enough energy (in general, not just for sex!)
  • Low levels of Vit D3 are known to be linked with a lack of sex drive
  • Birth control pills can be linked with vitamin and mineral deficiencies **

It won't help, though, to just start popping vitamin pills when you have no interest in sex. Many of the vitamin supplements available are synthetic. So, they’re unlikely to be absorbed by your body - and even if they are, they're often not utilised.

First and foremost you'll need to want to take responsibility for looking after yourself, and nurturing yourself with a healthy diet and exercise. Only when you take control of that aspect of your life will your energy and self-esteem, improve and with that - your interest in sex.

Safe and sufficient exposure to sunlight will improve your uptake of Vit D with huge health benefits. So, get yourself outside - start walking!

The secret to desire in a long-term relationship

Esther Perel researched desire in a long-term relationship. This video is so watchable - funny and very interesting!

What about female libido 'boosters' to improve sexual desire and arousal?

I know it seems like it’d be easier to pop some pills like pink Viagra (approved by the Food and Drug Administration, but with significant side effects and dubious effectiveness), eat some libido boosters and be done with it. But, really, how many oysters can you actually eat?! And looking at only some of the potential hindrances to women's sexual desire in this article, you'll understand now that there is no 'quick fix' that'll boost your libido and improve your sex life.

There are indeed foods that are supposed to increase desire. However, a focus on one area of human functioning invariably causes problems in others. 

So, ultimately, a healthy lifestyle - which includes healthy eating and, if necessary, weight loss, stress management, and tackling (mental) health issues - is the road to a healthy desire and improved sexual pleasure.

Please, rate this article ...

I really hope this article is of help to you. :-)

I frequently update my articles based on feedback, therefore I really value your vote.

Thank you so much in anticipation. :-)

Related articles

How to Get Trustworthy Relationship Advice
Surviving Infidelity
Breaking Up Tips and Advice
PTSD Symptoms
How to Stop Arguing
Adrenal Fatigue Symptoms
Problem Solving Strategies
How to Find a Counsellor

References

*MayoClinic.com Low Sex Drive in Women Information
**PubMed.gov - Oral contraceptives and changes to nutritional requirements

Other interesting links

The Journal of Sexual Medicine

Do you need help? 
Talk to an online counsellor...

Your problem is never too small or too big, too silly or too complicated to ask for help from a licensed therapist.

They'll be happy to help...

Affordable, private online counselling. Get help now from a therapist specialised in sexual problems...

I want to upfront with you - I may earn a commission from Better Help. You pay the same fee, regardless.