Can you increase female libido quickly when you’re ‘not in the mood’?
If you’re in need of a female libido booster because you just have no desire in love-making, the good news is that problems with libido are often temporary.
And if you want to know how to increase female libido, I’m so glad you’ve found this article. Here, I’ve listed the things that could potentially affect your desire, and what you can do about them. I’ll be focusing not only on quick results but also those that will increase your sensual pleasure in the longer term.
To get you on the road to increased libido, we first need to establish what caused your lack of it. We’ll be linking your low libido to both your mental health and your physical well-being (of course, the two go hand-in-hand!).
When you know what’s underlying your low desire, you’ll understand what might boost your libido. And you’ll be pleased to know that there are some excellent resources to help you increase your libido as quickly as possible.
It is, however, really important that you see a doctor first. There are a number of medical conditions (e.g. heart disease, anaemia and thyroid problems) that could stand in the way of you being able to enjoy a healthy physical relationship. And, of course, any of those conditions definitely need treatment in their own right.
Your doctor will do a physical exam, including a pelvic examination, and arrange for some blood tests to rule out any disorders that may stand in the way of your enjoying a healthy physical relationship.
A woman’s desire is based on a complex interaction of many components affecting intimacy, including physical well-being, emotional well-being, experiences, beliefs, lifestyle and current relationship. It makes sense, then, that if you’re experiencing a problem in any of these areas, it can affect your libido.*
Not convinced it’s your libido that’s the problem?
Do you suspect it’s a wider issue between you and your partner?
In that case, be sure to also read my article on what to do when you’re no longer making love.
How to increase female libido quickly and effectively
What could possibly underlie your lack of libido?
There are many issues that can cause low libido, so let’s take a look at just some of the possibilities.
- Difficulty reaching orgasm (if you climax at all)
- Tightening of the vagina
- Significant discomfort, such as vulvodynia (pain in the skin surrounding the vagina) or dryness.
- Shyness when talking about what works for you and what doesn’t, what you like and don’t like
- Relationship problems, such as abuse or an otherwise failing relationship or marriage
- A crisis in your life (though a crisis in your relationship can sometimes increase your libido very quickly!)
- Medication, particularly antidepressants
- Health problems
- Lifestyle: smoking, alcohol, illegal drugs and lack of exercise (no further explanation needed here!)
- The contraceptive pill, which can cause anxiety, depression and low libido**.
You might recognise that you’re suffering from one or more of the above issues, but hadn’t previously realised that it/they could affect your libido.
In which case, focusing on how to increase your libido isn’t your starting point right now. Instead, you might find that dealing with the underlying problem first may well solve your low libido issues.
We’ll take a look at some of these issues in more detail further down.
Just before that, your recovery from any of these problems can be hugely improved with the help of a professional.
Who might that be?
- a (specially trained) physician
- a specialist therapist, or…
- a relationship counsellor
Increase women’s libido fast?
Are there any quick-acting female libido boosters, such as Viagra?
In short: no! I’m really sorry.
I so get that you’d rather take a magic pill to boost your libido. But I’m afraid there is no such thing as female Viagra(Addyi).
Think again too if you’re tempted to try marijuana productsthese are likely just to cause even more trouble for you right now.
How to boost female libido
It’s likely that just one or two of the causes of low libido that we’re about to talk about will apply to you.
If you’re not sure where your own problems are coming from, as you’re reading, stay aware of how you react to any of the points I mention.
For example, you may feel that my comments on stress, trauma and relationship problems ring a bell for you. So, your reaction could give you an indication that those are the issues that are currently playing a part in your lack of libido.
How to increase a woman’s libido fast
Pushed for time? Run out of patience? Can’t be doing with the underlying stuff?
My best advice for you, then, is to try self hypnosis. It’s a cost-effective, user-friendly way to start tackling your problems immediately.
For further information on libido boosting hypnosis downloads, see my article Hypnosis FAQ and downloads.
Increase female libido – a spotlight on issues that might be lowering your libido
How stress can stop you from raising your libido
It’s no wonder then that you can’t be doing with any love-making.
We evolved millions of years ago at a time when stress meant thinking about having lunch or being in danger of becoming lunch! It doesn’t take much to imagine that it’d be impossible to make love when there’s an imminent risk of being attacked by a tiger.
Of course, whilst you’re unlikely to be on high alert for tiger attacks, you may well be living with high levels of stress – at home, at work, in your personal life etc. So, although there’s no tiger involved, your emotionally stressed state ensures you won’t be bothered by any desire.
Dealing with the excess stress in your life will help you to become more relaxed. And as you relax, your libido is likely to increase again.
And then it’s a happy circle: the more relaxed and well you feel, the more your overall (mental) health – and libido – will increase.
Self-hypnosis is one of the best ways to learn to switch off those whirring thoughts. You’ll be more able to take whatever is happening in your stride.
See my article: Self-hypnosis FAQ and downloads for further information.
Are you simply tired or completely worn out?
Do you always have far too much to do?
And never have the energy – let alone the time – for any intimacy?
Chances are, then, that other aspects of your life are suffering too.
In this case, I’m far more concerned about helping you to sort out your general tiredness rather than raising your libido.
- Start with my article on adrenal fatigue and be sure to have a medical checkup.
- The Energy Boosting Hypnosis Download (Hypnosis FAQ and downloads) is also really worthwhile trying. And you may also find it helpful to visit my Problem-solving strategies article to help you find out what’s really causing you to be so permanently exhausted.
- And there’s an important (and potentially tricky!) question for you now. Do you want to stop feeling worn out? Or do you know, deep down, that your tiredness helps you to avoid having to perform in the bedroom – for whatever reason?
If the latter, then learning how to increase female libido is definitely not what you need right now.
Instead, there’s a link at the bottom of this page to a research paper supporting a great book which can be a real help.
Increase female libido by dealing with Shyness
Shyness can be a more challenging problem to solve. It can need a bit more time – as I’m sure you’re aware. However, it can absolutely be sorted.
You can make a really good start by reading and informing yourself generally about how to have a healthy physical relationship. It’ll help just to get comfortable with the language. You may also find the Shy Naked hypnosis download helpful.
And, talk to your partner. It might feel embarrassing, but s/he should care about your feelings enough to have an honest conversation with you about something that’s troubling you. If they don’t, then don’t waste your time learning how to boost your libido for their benefit!
Just overcoming your shyness may improve your libido with no further need for female libido boosters.
By the way, if you have low self-esteem generally, and perhaps a poor body-image, then the hypnosis download for Raising Your Self-Esteem can be really helpful (see my article: Hypnosis Downloads and FAQ!)
Increase your libido by dealing with your Relationship problems
If you’re unhappy in your relationship it’s very unlikely that you’re going to really enjoy being physically intimate. In this case, figuring out how to improve female libido isn’t what you should be concentrating on right now.
Instead, I encourage you to explore my website. I’ve published many articles about how to deal with relationship problems. And now is the time to start addressing whatever the issues might be.
I wonder how you’d feel about suggesting relationship counselling or marriage guidance to your partner? If he or she isn’t keen (or you aren’t), and you have no idea how to improve matters, then I think you’ll find my Loving Communication Kit for Couples really helpful. It’s chock-full of tool, tips and advice.
And if by any chance you’re in an abusive relationship, I know you’re definitely in need of help. Please, do connect with a professional counsellor as soon as possible.
Ultimately, if you’re not sure that you’re in the right relationship, then my Relationship Test can help you find out, once and for all.
How to increase libido in women: reducing Anxiety or specific fears
If you suffer from anxiety, it may be stopping you from being able to have an enjoyable, healthy physical relationship. Ironically, making love may help bring anxiety levels down due to the influence of the calming/bonding hormone oxytocin. (One of those annoying catch-22s!)
I strongly believe it’d be far more helpful for you to do all you can to bring down your anxiety levels first, rather than looking for female libido boosters right now. I’d give the same advice if you’re suffering specific fears around having a physical relationship.
You may not need to learn how to increase female libido after all – you may find your libido improves when you feel more relaxed. (There is a great hypnosis download to help you relax and reach orgasm. Yep, there’s a download for everything!)
See also my article: Anxiety for no apparent reason.
Boosting your libido by dealing with Depression
If you’re really struggling to motivate yourself to get up in the morning, it’s not surprising that you just can’t be bothered with making love.
Depression is often caused by essential emotional needs not being met in balance.
Until you feel better in yourself, there’s not much point in learning how to increase female libido. Instead, it’s time to contact a good counsellor. Or, if you’re not ready for that just yet, explore all of the depression help that’s freely available right here on my site.
Just a little note of warning before you start searching for depression treatment: antidepressants often cause low libido and general lack of romantic feelings. A rather depressing side effect! So approach with caution, and take a look at natural alternatives first.
You can also learn how to cure yourself from depression with Hypnosis Download’s effective complete depression bundle.
Trauma and its effect on libido
Were you abused as a child or an adult? Or have you experienced some other damaging trauma from which you haven’t yet recovered? Or did you perhaps have a traumatic delivery of your baby? Then hop over to my article Coping with trauma to learn more.
Female libido is tied up with your ability to relax and let go. If there’s a part of you that desperately tries to maintain control because of previous trauma, then very understandably you suffer a loss of desire.
Problems reaching orgasm?
How comfortable are you with your own body? If you’re not at all, you can make a gentle start by very slowly exploring it on your own, step by tiny step. Use a mirror, even if it’s a really tiny one to start with.
Whatever the cause of your discomfort, this is a really important first step. Take your time and learn how different parts of your body respond to your touch. I know it’s not going to happen overnight, but I also know that you can do it. Be kind, rather than judging yourself. Just take it step by step and treat everything that happens as feedback.
Believe me, there’s no point in learning how to increase female libido and/or taking a female libido booster if you can’t become comfortable in your own skin.
Tightening of the vagina?
This is definitely one for a specialist therapist, but you might first want to try the hypnosis download that treats vaginismus.
If you do go to see a specialist, they’ll have a specific way of sorting the problem out for you – by way of talking therapy and things you can do at home.
Don’t worry – any treatment and ways to increase your libido will be done at your pace, and ever so gently.
Recently given birth? Breastfeeding?
Giving birth and breastfeeding shift the whole spectrum of hormones. You may also be sore from the birth, particularly after an episiotomy or caesarean.
Breastfeeding and looking after a new baby take an enormous amount of energy so it’s no wonder you may often feel exhausted!
A change in hormone levels, and a consequent lack of desire, is nature’s way of ensuring that you’re not likely to fall pregnant again too soon. Wait and see how you recover and how the scars heal. There’s no immediate cure here – just a little patience!
How to increase female libido when you’ve had your Ovaries removed
If you’ve had a hysterectomy and your ovaries were removed at the same time, a sudden drop in testosterone can cause a lowering of your libido.
A good surgeon or family doctor would have discussed hormone replacement therapy with you.
It’s not too late to start HRT, if that’s what you want to do. However, I really want you to be sure that you are very well-informed before you make that decision, so do take the time to do thorough research first.
Raising your libido when you’re Post-menopausal?
Perimenopause symptoms and the menopause bring with them a whole host of hormonal upheaval, so loss of desire isn’t unusual.
Seeking the advice of a medical professional can help here. Again, you might want to consider HRT, but inform yourself of all the advantages and disadvantages first.
You could perhaps consider alternative treatments instead.
Vitamin deficiencies and low libido
A poor nutritional state can lead to problems in the bedroom too – in particular, a low libido.
To give you a snapshot:
- Vit B12 is the energy vitamin – not enough vitamin B12 = not enough energy (in general, not just for a healthy physical relationship!)
- Low levels of Vit D3 are known to be linked with a lack of libido
- Birth control pills can be linked with vitamin and mineral deficiencies***
It won’t help, though, to just start popping vitamin pills when your libido is in your boots. Many of the vitamin supplements available are synthetic. So, they’re unlikely to be absorbed by your body – and even if they are, they’re often not utilised.
First and foremost you’ll need to want to take responsibility for looking after yourself, and nurturing yourself with a healthy diet and exercise. Only when you take control of that aspect of your life will your energy and self-esteem, improve and with that, your libido.
Safe and sufficient exposure to sunlight will improve your uptake of Vit D with huge health benefits. So, get yourself outside – start walking!
The secret to desire in a long-term relationship
Esther Perel researched desire in a long-term relationship. This video is so watchable – funny and very interesting!
What about female libido ‘boosters’?
I know it seems like it’d be easier to pop some pills like pink Viagra (approved by the Food and Drug Administration but with significant side effects and dubious effectiveness), eat some libido boosters and be done with it. But, really, how many oysters can you actually eat?! And looking at only some of the potential hindrances to women’s desire in this article, you’ll understand now that there is no quick fix that’ll boost your libido with immediate results.
There are indeed foods that are supposed to increase desire. However, a focus on one area of human functioning invariably causes problems in others.
So, ultimately, a healthy lifestyle – which includes healthy eating and, if necessary, weight loss, stress management, and tackling (mental) health issues – is the road to a healthy desire and improved pleasure.