Author: Elly Prior | First published: 19-11-2013 | Modified: 24-10-2017
Have you been wondering if, what you're experiencing, are the signs of an abusive relationship? Abusive men (and women) set out to ensure that their victims suffer in silence.
Are you married to an abusive spouse? Are you in a relationship with an abusive boyfriend? Are you the man who doesn't dare to talk about the abuse suffered at the hands of the woman who is supposed to love him? Although women are far more likely to suffer at the hands of abusive men, women too can be the perpetrators of domestic violence (yes, truly - see link below).
You might love as much as you can, and adjust your behaviour to whatever they demand (which changes all the time, so you'll never 'win') - but the truth is you're in an abusive relationship.
How come? I am hoping to help you with information on what the signs of a bad relationship are.
It's no wonder you were 'fooled', whether you realise that now or not. And no, you're not stupid - it could have happened to anyone!
Often the abuser only reveals his true self only over time. (Over 85% of abusers are men, so read he or she depending on your situation.) He probably was your 'knight in shining armour' - charming, caring, sensitive and loving - early on.
Then slowly the 'innocent' questions and comments begin. Why would you want to go out or stay in touch with so-and-so? Why would you want to be engaged in this or that activity? You'll soon be questioning this yourself and/or starting to feel guilty about wanting anything at all.
On the next page you'll find the all the signs that your man (or woman) is verbally, emotionally, sexually and/or mentally abusive - confirmation of whether or not you're in an unhealthy and abusive relationship.
I suspect you won't really be surprised to see your fears confirmed - finally. You probably didn't even realise you were in an abusive relationship during the first two stages of seduction and isolation. So, take a deep breath and read on...
Find out now if you're in an abusive relationship. If you answer YES to even one of three questions (depending on which one), you need to seek help as soon as possible.
The very fact that you're here, is a sign that you're already suspect you're in a bad relationship. Why would you otherwise be here (unless you have a professional interest of course)?
You may have been wondering whether you should get out of the relationship, but...
So, are you being verbally, emotionally and physically abused by someone who's supposed to love you?
Whatever your thoughts or feelings - even after this test - I really want you to get help even if you suspect you're in abusive relationship.
Go through these lists of signs now. Remember that each question you answer with a 'yes' points to an aspect of your partner's behaviour that's likely to get worse over time.
This is my part in your journey to getting you to safety. I can only increase your awareness and point you in the right direction, but you need to shine a light on what is happening and ask for help.
I'm so pleased you are here!
Before we go on and just in case you thought you need to stick with this relationship, because you think your partner can't do without you - learn from, and remember, what Brene Brown has to say about boundaries...
I hope this helped you to see how important boundaries are.
You can see how difficult it can be in some instances to distinguish the signs of a bad relationship from the signs of an abusive one.
Keep on reading - there's more to come...
I so want you to understand that your partner is never going to behave any differently! Most of the signs I have mentioned aren't just those of a bad relationship - no, they are signs of an abusive relationship.
Yes, they're likely to promise that it won't ever happen again, they really won't do it again, this was truly the last time, etc.
However, it is going to happen again! In any case - you shouldn't be waiting to see if it does.
No matter how hard you try to be the person he or she wants you to be, it's not going to get better. No matter how much you try to change them (if you even dare) or change yourself to prevent the next outburst, the situation is most likely to worsen over time.
I know it can be a huge shock when you're confronted with all this stuff.
I can almost feel you crumpling up in a ball, too tired, beaten down (perhaps even literally) and low to take any action at all. Perhaps you've already experienced all of this before, in previous close couple relationships and/or in your childhood, though this by no means needs to be the case.
It can feel like you're 'broken' and that there's nothing left in you - your self-esteem and confidence are probably non-existent.
But, at the same time, perhaps it's a relief - you know you're not alone and you are not the only one this is happening to. Far from it!
I just want you to know that it is not your fault. You did not cause this man (or woman) to be abusive, aggressive or violent. Sure, you played a role in it all, just like each one of us does in all of our relationships/lives, but you did not deserve this and at any time you made the best decisions you knew how with the knowledge, awareness and understanding you had at any particular time. Al that whilst you live(d) in fear of 'being found out' - for even daring to breath it seems - even when the perpetrator is nowhere to be seen.
However, you know now the most important Signs of an Abusive Relationship and how an abusive man (or woman) behaves. All of this is regardless of age (though young women are most at risk), religion, nationality, level of education and income - it happens everywhere!
If it's happening to you, it is time to get help to get out. See below this article for a list of organisations that offer help.
I really hope this article is of help to you. :-)
I frequently update my articles based on feedback, therefore I really value your vote. If you think I've missed something, please do let me know in the comment section below.
Thank you so much in anticipation. :-)
For men and women
US and Canada - Domestic Abuse Helpline
Learn how to delete your browser history (clearing evidence of having visited these pages)
ScienceDaily.com - Report recommends way to break the cycle of domestic violence