10+ tips on how to be an amazingly supportive husband during pregnancy

How to support your pregnant wife or partner

I’m so glad you want to take the time and make an effort to learn how to be a supportive husband during pregnancy.

And, congratulations (that is if this is what you wanted)! How very exciting and perhaps even a bit scary!

The very fact that you’ve landed on this page shows me how fortunate your wife is to have such a caring husband or partner. Your baby will have the best possible start in life when you, as a dad, are chipping in as an equal partner – after all, you’re also expecting!

Research has shown that when a pregnant woman is well-supported, the outcome is very likely to be much more positive in terms of her and the baby’s health before and after delivery.

Be sure to visit my article choc-full with immediately actionable, healthy relationship tips.

Your wife is pregnant – now what?

The best way to prepare yourself is to become knowledgeable about a woman’s body in general, pregnancy and the household chores (yep, those too!).

That will build your confidence and put you in the best possible position to support your wife.

Here’s how to make an immediate start…

6 tips to prepare yourself to be the best husband a pregnant wife could wish for

Tips for supporting your wife during pregnancy

1. Update your knowledge and fact-check existing knowledge about how a woman’s body works even before pregnancy. Just that will pay off in bundles, now and in the future!
2. Read about what happens to a woman’s body when she’s pregnant so you know what to expect. You could buy a new book or visit the library. But why not discuss it with your friends? Borrow their books and ask them about their experiences and tips (after all – you may also want some support).
3. Get clued up about what a delivery entails – the various stages, pain management, actual birth and post-childbirth stages.
4. Read about what it’s like to become a first-time parent – not just a dad. That will help you to talk about your expectations together (more on that further down).
5. Ask questions – from the midwife, doctor, trustworthy friends and extended family members with kids.
6. Prepare to take over some of the household chores your wife was previously responsible for.

The best way to further prepare yourself for the changes is to adjust your expectations of what you can do.

Right from the start, your wife may be too tired to go on that trip, do that walk, visit those friends, go to the cinema or whatever else you’d planned to do (however restrictive during the pandemic).

Her body is working really hard right from the word go, even though there’s little outward evidence during the first trimester.

How to offer the best physical support to your pregnant wife

Here’s where you can really shine! Know that every little thing helps your wife get through the pregnancy with a better outcome – for the baby and herself!

So, here goes (with her agreement – avoid making assumptions as not everyone likes to be ‘fussed over’ physically!).

8 tips for supporting your pregnant wife physically

I marvel at the strength of pregnant women (I would, of course, having had a baby myself)!

You’ll have no trouble understanding how helpful the following tips are likely to be:

1. During physical relations, remain aware of the changes – even when the bump isn’t yet visible. Ask what your wife needs and wants, and know that her desire may also change.
2. As her body expands, she’ll be increasingly uncomfortable, particularly in the last trimester of the pregnancy. You can help her be more comfortable by placing extra pillows underneath her feet and knees. Or tuck those pillows into her back. At night, help her turn on her side and place those pillows between her thighs and under her belly.
3. Offer to rub her lower back when she’s been standing for a while. She might also appreciate a shoulder massage.
4. Offer to massage her feet. Imagine all that extra weight she’s carrying around.
5. Don’t underestimate the simple things – hold hands, put a hand on her pregnant abdomen when you’re sitting next to each other, and give her a hand massage. Or, gently place a hand in her neck when she’s throwing up (even if that makes you also reach – this is a time to ‘man-up’!).
6. Run a cool bath when she’s too hot and bothered or a warm one when she’s feeling the cold. No bath? Use wet towels or prepare a hot-water bottle.
7. Wrap her in a warm blanket when the evenings get colder, and she feels chilly.
8. Encourage her to take a break or a daytime nap when she’s tired. Be the brake she needs if she’s trying to do more than is desirable.

I remember a sweltering day when I was almost nine months pregnant. My husband found me spread-eagled on the bed with my legs over the edge. I was so exhausted and hot that I didn’t know where to turn or what to do.

He ran a cool bath and helped me in gently. It was such a small gesture, but I remember it fondly.

A note of caution

Again, be aware that your wife might not appreciate any ‘fussing’ about herself.

You could challenge that a bit, of course.

Does she remain irritated by how you care for her? Just ask again what she needs and how you can best support her.

Tips for supporting your wife during pregnancy

How to offer the best practical support to your pregnant wife

Simple things are likely to make all the difference to your wife:

1. Make sure she drinks enough (particularly when breastfeeding). Offer her that extra cup of tea, that glass of water (ideally, no fizzy, sugary drinks!)
2. Take over some of the household chores she previously did. Don’t wait with that until she’s huge – she can do with that extra support from the first month on, as she’ll be tired.
3. Prepare a snack or cook dinner (remember my suggestions about taking over household chores?) without being asked if that is not one of your usual tasks.

Help your wife make the desired lifestyle changes

The baby will take a lot of looking after, right from conception. You, as a dad, can be completely involved with this.

Help your wife to give up or reduce the guilty pleasures:

• No more smoking
• No more alcohol
• No illegal drugs – full stop!
• Reduce the sugar intake – fewer or no sweets, cakes, fizzy drinks (even the low-calorie ones – they’re muck!)

Be aware, though, that you can’t make your wife do anything. Trying to do so would only lead to more stress with little improvement.

You can only encourage her to do the best for the baby and herself and help her to follow the advice from the professionals.

Here’s what you can do:

• Suggest or offer more vegetables and fruit
• Add oily fish and walnuts
• Go for walks
• Encourage her to remain active and carry on with appropriately adapted exercise
• Encourage her to take up prenatal yoga or another form of prenatal exercise.

How to be an emotionally supportive husband during pregnancy

I’m sooo glad you want to know about how you can emotionally support your wife or partner emotionally during her (and your ;-)) pregnancy.

In addition to my article on how to be an emotionally supportive spouse and be a better husband, here are six further tips to support your wife emotionally.

6 tips on how to support your wife or partner emotionally during pregnancy

1. Learn to listen attentively without judgement and recriminations. I have all the info you need on advanced listening skills in my article on how to stop arguing all the time. Believe me – this is one of the most important things you can do to support your pregnant wife emotionally – she’ll be so appreciative.
2. Attend antenatal classes with your spouse, if at all possible. Even if you don’t like the idea and you’re a little scared to be confronted with all these pregnant women and listen to ‘gory details’ – go if you have the opportunity and your wife would like you to be there.
3. Attend appointments – aim to take time off. There’ll be quite a few appointments with the midwife, doctor, echos, and prenatal tests for abnormalities. And that’s even when all goes well!
4. Be involved with making a birthing plan. You’ll find a great example on thebump.com (opens in a new tab).
5. Also, discussing plans for any leave (paternity leave and when the baby is sick) counts as being emotionally supportive.
6. Invite your wife to try self-hypnosis with a hypnosis audio download, such as Overcoming fear of childbirth, Relieving Stress and Tension, Preparing for a Caesarian Section. For details on how hypnosis can help, see my page Hypnosis FAQ and downloads.

Support your wife emotionally by being an engaged listener

One of the best ways to be an emotionally supportive husband is to listen attentively without offering solutions(!).

Your wife may want to express:

• Worries about the baby
• Reports on how she’s feeling depressed
• Fears about the birth
• Complaints about the way she looks – that’s feeling unattractive
• Plans she has for what to do during her pregnancy
• Plans and doubts about becoming a parent
• Sense of loss caused by losing contact with friends, giving up work, changes in her body and perhaps, depending on your circumstances, financial independence.

I’ve listed these points to show you how many opportunities there’ll be for you to emotionally support your wife during pregnancy.

Your wife’s emotions may be all over the place on account of the huge surges in pregnancy hormones. One of the best ways to support your wife is simply to offer to put your arms around her when she’s feeling emotional.

Supporting your wife – how to prepare together to become a family

The second trimester is a great time to discuss your expectations after the birth of your baby. Your life will be turned upside down – particularly for your wife unless you step up to the plate.

So, it will greatly help to talk about the coming changes together and prepare for them. That has to include preparations for the financial impact of the baby’s arrival and for years to come.

Being clear about what each can expect of the other will help to lessen any anxieties. A calm, well-prepared pregnant woman will give birth more easily.

It’s another way to support your wife emotionally, and so is the following.

Talk about what kind of parents you hope to be

• How you anticipate the changes in quality time together.
• How you anticipate the baby’s arrival will impact time for your interests, hobbies and other pleasures.
• How much time you’ll be able to spend with friends (spoiler alert: much, much less!).
• What kind of a parent you’re hoping to be – right from the start and as your child grows up.
• How you’ve experienced your childhood, and how that has influenced your thinking about child-rearing.
• How you’re feeling about the birth – what your expectations are (remember my advice on becoming knowledgeable?), what you’re looking forward to, what worries you have and what you’re dreading.
• What your thoughts are about a negative outcome of a prenatal test.
• What your expectations are with regards to offers of help, visits or ‘advice’ from grandparents.

Just in case…

If you’re dealing with relationship problems – aim to fix them as early as possible. Get help if necessary.

If either of you suffers from mental health problems, hop over to my categories lists on anxiety, OCD, depression and PTSD for a ton of info, tips and advice.

How to support your wife if there are complications

Preparing for hospital visits

Whether for hospital visits or even hospital admissions, you can support your pregnant wife by:

• Helping her pack her bag
• Packing food and drinks – waiting times can be very long
• Packing books, magazines, or anything else to while away the time
• Bringing along some calming music
• Using your listening skills to allow your wife to off-load and keep her calm
• Helping her to use her breath to calm down if necessary
• Say things like: “Whatever happens, I love you and we’re going to get through this together.” “I’m here for you.” “I know this is really tough.” “It’s okay to cry.”

Be sure to reach out to trusted people for your support. Complications during pregnancy require you to step up to the plate even more. They’re also challenging for you.

Even without any complications – you’d do well getting some support for yourself.

You also value some support while your wife is pregnant

I’ve got your back!

You may go through some ups and downs during the pregnancy – that’s completely normal.

Here’s what many men have found:

• They’re experiencing a loss of time for their personal pleasures, loss of having their wife all to themselves, loss of time together, and loss of being number one.
• They may have all sorts of fears – about their capacity to be a good father, about the birth itself, about being ‘good enough’ for their wife, about coping with household stuff, about their financial stability, about the survival of their marriage or relationship, etc.

So, here’s what I’d like you to do to help yourself be the best possible spouse:

1. Talk about your fears –
   with other new parents. If you find that hard to do, I promise you off-loading your worries will be a relief.
2. Ease yourself into a new time-table –
   before the baby is born – you won’t be able to go out so often. It won’t help your relationship either if, for example, you separate yourself to play video games for hours on end (if that’s one of your hobbies).
3. Ask for help if you’re really struggling –
   (there’s absolutely no shame in that!) particularly if you’re feeling rejected and neglected. An online therapist can help you cope with the changes.

How to support your wife (and yourself) during the delivery

As I’ve mentioned, when your wife knows she can rely on your support, she’ll likely be calmer going into delivery, feeling as prepared and confident as possible.

Of course, her state of mind will depend to some extent on her natural ways of coping with life’s challenges.

Be sure to discuss the support your wife hopes for well in advance. Here are some ideas:

• Get ready! Doubtless, the midwife will have prepared you both for this stage verbally and by hand-outs, but just help check that bag again if your wife seems unsure.
• Refer to my tips under physical support (see further up). They might also help your wife get comfortable in preparation for delivery.
• Say things like: “you can do it”, “you’re doing so great/amazingly well”, etc, “you’re so close”, “I know you’re tired, but babe I’m so proud of you!” Be sure to express yourself naturally, though.
• Do not react to snapping, irritability, etc. Your wife will have very little spare capacity to contain herself while everything feels too much.
• Be sure to take drinks and food for yourself, just in case.
• Be prepared to be bored – particularly first-time labour could take hours and hours (but don’t let on to your wife – she’s got enough on her plate)!

Finally

I have thoroughly enjoyed writing this article!

I hope it is useful to you and has prepared you well to support your wife during pregnancy.

There’s more than enough for you to do and feel involved.

Confidently take up your ever-so-important task of supporting your wife, knowing that it’s okay to get things wrong – you’re human after all!

I promise you that if you only follow a few of my tips, your wife will likely perceive you as supportive. Follow all of my advice (with your wife’s agreement), and you’ll simply be the best.

I wish you both all the best for your health and happiness now, while you’re expecting, and when the baby has arrived.