24 healthy relationship tips for couples

Immediately actionable relationship tips

I’m really pleased that you’re searching for the best relationship tips and ways to save your marriage.

To me, that’s a sure sign that you’re taking your role in your relationship seriously.

There are lots of simple, easy (and mostly free!) things you can do to create a fulfilling and mutually rewarding, healthy relationship.

24 best relationship tips (split into three sections)

1. The foundations of a successful relationship (I have, of course, a ton more relationship tips and advice than you’ll find in this article!)
2. Practical tips for a healthy relationship
3. Advice for when things get a little rocky, and you’re having relationship problems.

Ready? Let’s kick off with the basics first…

Tips for building a healthy relationship

Best relationship tips for building a solid foundation

Sharing your life with another person requires developing and strengthening bonds that will keep you connected through thick and thin. Beneath the surface of any successful relationship, you’ll find (amongst other things) mutual respect and love, trust and effective communication. 

Building these fundamentals into your everyday life together will help to preserve and deepen the connection between you. And it’s not too difficult to make that happen!

Here’s how you do it…

7 tips for building a healthy relationship

1. Invest in your relationship

One of my best relationship tips is to invest time, energy, attention and love – every single day!

Any living organism that doesn’t receive the necessary nutrients for its survival will die, as will a relationship that isn’t consistently nurtured.

One way to invest some quality time in your relationship is to answer some marriage compatibility test questions together.

And, just by reading this article on relationship tips, you’re already ticking at least part of this box :-)

2. Be kind, considerate and attentive – every day

Treat your partner the way you’d like to be treated yourself. You don’t have to be religious to believe that this is just the right thing to do.

3. Show that you love, understand and believe in your partner

– without expecting anything back in return. And consciously notice and appreciate it when your partner does the same for you.

4. Compliment your partner on three different things every day

They don’t have to be momentous – the simple things will do just fine. For example their hair, their clothes, something they said or did, or a positive change in their behaviour. See also my article on how to be a better spouse and how to create the most loving Valentine message because you can that every single day.

Can’t think of anything?

Try harder!

After all, you’re with your partner for a reason. Remind yourself of all the things you love about them, and look out for opportunities to offer genuine compliments.

5. Acknowledge – out loud – your partner’s strengths and abilities

Notice what pleases you, what you admire, and what they’ve achieved or done particularly well. Just mention it in passing every now and then

And let them know, at least two or three times a week, that you’ve noticed how capable, skilled or successful they are in their chosen pursuits.

6. Thank your partner at the very least once a day

Thank them for something specific they did that day, even if it was a routine act. Gratitude generates positive feelings on both sides. For a little help with this, hop over to my page with a multitude of love quotes and “thank you’s”.

7. Smile a lot

Smile when he/she comes in, when they leave for work, when you say goodnight, and when you get up in the morning – even smile when you’re on the phone. You’ll feel better and so will they.

This is the easiest healthy relationship tip to put into practice right away – why not give it a try today :-)

3 relationship tips to help yourself and improve your relationship

1. Do your partner a favour by nurturing yourself

– as well as your relationship. Be kind and positive towards yourself. Nobody benefits from negativity and self-pity, least of all you!

See: How to make someone like and love you.

2. Banish negative people from your life

You’ll feel tonnes better, and that’ll have a positive knock-on effect on your partner as well.

3. Talk about all the stuff that matters

A problem shared is a problem halved, but don’t forget to take the time to share your hopes and dreams too.

Strengthen your bond by thinking together about where you’re going, where you’d like to be, and how you’re going to get there – both individually and as a couple.

Discover how to ask the right questions to get to the heart of the matter.

Practical tips for a healthy relationship

Often relationships can start to feel tired and somewhat dull after a couple of years.

The exceptions are usually a result of a conscious effort made by both partners to keep their relationship fresh, interesting and fulfilling.

And, taking care of your relationship doesn’t have to be a full-time job.

Simply by being aware of the pitfalls, you’ll be better able to avoid them. The following relationship tips will help you build and maintain a healthy relationship

7 tips for maintaining a healthy relationship for couples

1. Keep doing new things and enjoying new experiences together

It’s all too easy to let routine take over and to get stuck in a boring rut.

So, don’t fall into the trap of doing the same things day in, day out, week in, week out.

Dr Helen Fisher explains in this video why novel activities are so beneficial for relationships. (If you don’t have time to watch the whole thing, start from 5 minutes in. It’s worth knowing!).

Why not try yoga for couples! There are some very manageable poses for beginners. Take a look at my Pinterest board Yoga for Couples, and get started – just for fun!

Also, see my article on what to do when you think you’ve got a ‘boring’ spouse.

2. make time for conversations that interest you both

Build a healthy relationship by not just talking about chores and responsibilities.

Ask your partner:

• “What are they looking forward to tomorrow?”
• “What was the best thing that happened today?”
• “What made you laugh today?”
• “What did you do today that made you feel chuffed?”

If these kinds of conversations just don’t happen anymore, it’s time to seek help. Most couples seek help far too late, so don’t delay – connect with an online, professional relationship coach now. For further details see my article: Online relationship advice.

3. Make a conscious effort to live ‘in the moment’

Focus on the here and now rather than thinking about tomorrow or reliving what happened yesterday. Be grateful for what you have, and be present in even the most mundane of tasks.

Bringing an element of mindfulness to everything you do can help you to become more grounded, and better able to take the rough with the smooth.

4. Leave your mobile on silent

Yep, and remember to also turn vibration off, and – gasp – leave it in the kitchen when you go to bed. Instead of staring at a screen, pay attention to your partner last thing at night and first thing in the morning.

Apart from anything else, when the time’s right, isn’t it much more pleasurable to make love than to check your social media notifications?!

5. Leave your mobile in another room

Challenge yourself even more, and leave your mobile in another room whilst you’re doing things together.

Be fully engaged, both with the activity in hand and your partner. Actively share whatever it is you’re doing to strengthen the bonds between you.

6. Watch movies together

Yes, really! Take a look at this article to find out just how worthwhile this can be: Divorce rate cut in half for couples who discussed relationship movies.

7. Aim to be best friends as well as lovers

A satisfying physical relationship is an important part of any healthy relationship, but don’t forget the importance of friendship too. What are the qualities you’d find in a best friend?

Take some time to identify them, and apply them to the ways you behave with your other half.

The best relationship tips for when things (inevitably) get a little rocky

The journey you’re on with your partner will undoubtedly have its ups and downs.

How you (both) act during the downs, and how you deal with conflict and its consequences, can help or hinder the success of your partnership. 

Here’s what can help…

7 self-help relationship tips for couples

1. Make a list of your partner’s good points…

… and pin it somewhere you can easily see it. Whenever you’re feeling miffed with him/her, read the list carefully.

Remind yourself why you love them, and make an effort to focus on all of their positive qualities. (And, in fact, it wouldn’t hurt to do this every day, not just when you’re feeling put out!)

Be sure to share the list with your partner, so they can really feel how much you appreciate them.

I know your partner would really appreciate a card or love letter every now and then. Discover how to write something special in my article How to write Valentine’s Day card messages. 

2. Don’t create unnecessary drama…

by making a big deal out of little things, and blaming your partner or yourself.

Remember the wise old saying: “it’s no use crying over spilt milk”. It’s true! It’s just a waste of time and energy.

It’s far better to focus on problem-solving strategies rather than recriminations. That way, you’ll be putting right whatever was wrong, rather than making it worse.

3. Aim to take things more in your stride

When you’re arguing all the time, commit to noticing when you’re becoming over-emotional with frustration, anger, hurt or sadness.

We’re much less able to be rational when we’re over-emotional, which means it’s never a good time to try and resolve differences.

So, take time out when you need to, and stop talking before you start to yell. Take a break, and continue the discussion when you’re feeling calm and composed.

See also my article on why couples argue so much.

4. Review the way you communicate

If your partner reacts in a negative way to something you’ve said or done, review the way you communicated.

Instead of automatically pointing the finger of blame at your partner, question if your actions contributed to their reaction (see also the section about blame in my article on how to make your spouse love you again).

Could you have phrased or timed better whatever you said?
Did you perhaps put your point across unnecessarily aggressively or accusingly?

Effective communication is key, and we can all do with refreshing our skills every now and then!

If this is something you both could do with working on, take a look at my positive communication kit for couples – you can improve your skills, and learn something new together at the same time. Best of all – it’s now free!

5. The best tip for a healthy relationship: apologise!

Never underestimate the power of a sincere apology when you know you’re in the wrong or when you’ve been an idiot ;-) You know when that is.

Be honest with yourself and your partner. Show remorse… and never make your partner beg for it.

Your relationship is precious – don’t let it be damaged by a missing “I’m sorry”.

6. Be honest and transparent with your partner

Secrets and lies have a way of revealing themselves, no matter how carefully you try to keep them hidden. Feeling the need to keep secrets can also be a sign that all isn’t well in the relationship.

If you’re finding yourself doing this, it’s time to take stock.

Is this relationship right for you? And your partner? Is it time to have a frank conversation, or perhaps even time to call it a day?

7. Commit to making your relationship work

Or, and very importantly, if you’re having doubts, be honest and tell your partner how you’re feeling. Don’t just hang on because it suits you or because you’re afraid of causing hurt.

One unhappy partner never equals a happy partnership, no matter how much you may try to paper over the cracks.

Support your partner whenever you can. Is your partner going through a difficult time?

Discover how you can support your partner by reading these articles:

• Helping your wife if she is having perimenopausal symptoms
• How to help your partner with OCD
• How to help your depressed spouse
• How to support your spouse during a nervous breakdown.

Does your relationship or marriage need a health check?

Perhaps you’ve been trying your best to make things work, looking for ways to save your marriage or relationship, but you increasingly feel as though something’s not quite right.

Or maybe you feel like your partner’s not been making an effort lately, or you just can’t see a future together anymore.

If you’ve got niggling doubts or worries, the best thing you can do is to be honest with your partner and to take my marriage compatibility test.

First, spend some time working out how you’re really feeling. And then, find a time that’s suitable, and do your very best to have an honest, calm conversation. Let your partner know how you’re feeling – and give them the time and space to reciprocate.

You may find that you’re both on the same page still and that you can use the healthy relationship tips above to reinvigorate your life together.

Or, it may become clear that, actually, being together may not be right for one or both of you anymore.

Don’t give up too easily though – unless you’re in an abusive relationship (see Signs of an abusive relationship). It’s much better to learn to get through the tough times and save your marriage. Second and third marriages have an even higher chance of ending in divorce.

Either way, don’t let the niggles grow into monsters – they’ll only haunt you, and rob you of the time you could be spending feeling happy and content.

Finally

I really hope that my relationship tips have given you lots of ideas on how you can build and maintain a healthy relationship.

Life is full of mundane responsibilities, chores to be done and challenges to overcome – but there’s also plenty of room to create fun, positivity and a meaningful connection in your love relationship.

Know that my relationship tips here aren’t exclusive to intimate relationships. Many can also be applied to the way you interact with your friends, family and colleagues.

You’ll start to notice positive benefits right away, so not only will those around you appreciate you more, but you’ll have every reason to feel better about yourself too.

It’s a win-win!

References

The Science of Love with Dr Helen Fisher