Expert relationship advice for writing the perfect Valentine's Day card

Category: Better Relationships | Author and Publisher: Elly Prior | First published: 12-02-2012 | Modified: 06-08-2018

Are you preparing for Valentine's Day with fun and determination to make it a really special day for your partner? What about your own excited or anxious anticipation of what your partner may come up with for you? Do you worry about whether or not he or she has even bothered?

I'm hoping here to add a little depth to the proceedings.

I hope you may still find this page helpful even if you consider yourselves too old for all of this, and if the two of you have long given up on the idea of celebrating Valentine's Day.

If your relationship is in trouble, though, then do hop over to my starter page on the 25 most common relationship problems. You'll find loads of help and advice on how to get that spark back, and set your relationship back on the road to happiness again.

What would make it a happy Valentine's Day?

Having a great Valentine's Day may mean to you...

• that your partner will be heaping attention upon you (and you'll be doing the same in return)
• a super Valentine's card - with just the right words, of course!
• a wonderful Valentine's flower arrangement
• chocolates or aftershave, or maybe best of all...
• a surprise

However, if you're bestowed with all that you'd wished for, you'll want to know that your partner:

• isn't covering up any misdemeanours
• isn't doing it out of guilt
• isn't doing it because he/she is 'supposed' to, and is just grabbing something from a display whilst waiting to pay for petrol
• just got you a gift because you've dropped more than the odd hint that you're expecting something great

Whatever your partner does or doesn't do on Valentine's Day, you mustn't consider it the make or break of your relationship or marriage. Chances are, you probably already knew what would happen anyway.

What really matters - Valentine's Day quotes

Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction"

Antoine de Saint-Expupery

Truly being able to spend quality time together with both of you acknowledging just how fortunate you are is much closer to an authentic experience.

It's far more valuable than any Valentine's idea you could come up with. And no Valentine's Day quotes will be as great as the ones that come from your heart.

The ones from your heart come from your experience of being with your partner and from how you truly feel about him or her. And your honest words don't need to sound Shakespearean to have an impact :-)

Valentine's Day poem?

Rather than copying a Valentine's poem - made up by someone else and perused by the masses - I have a suggestion for a very personal Valentine's present, which your partner is likely cherish for years to come: a gratitude letter.

The notion of deliberately setting out to write down all the reasons you're grateful comes from the field of positive psychology. Research clearly shows that it has a wonderfully uplifting effect on the writer's mood (see links below). Of course, the receiver benefits too. Double whammy!

And guess what? You can make it into a free, printable Valentine's card with an ordinary word-processing programme if you're short of funds. The Valentine's pictures on this page come from artists who've made their work freely available on stock.xchng, so it's super easy for you to jazz up your special letter with just the right images.

A very personal Valentine's Day card

Here are some ideas for what you can write about in the special gift of a Valentine's Day letter:

• the characteristics your partner has that you love the most
  
• what you particularly admire about him/her
• the positive differences your partner has made to your life this year
• what you feel when you think of him/her in the middle of your working day (I know... if you tend to think of your troubles, leave this one out!)
• what your thoughts are in anticipation of seeing him/her (same as the previous one)
• recalling two or three special times (e.g. events/experiences) during your past year together
• describing exactly what was special about those times
• mentioning details about your partner's role in making it special for you personally

Remember: this is the time to really focus on the highlights, on the positives and on your partner

Flick through some old photos to remind yourself of some of your favourite moments together. The best ones? Just remember how much attention you were giving each other in those moments.

Once you've done that, all you need to do is print it off, find an envelope and raid the garden for a few sprigs or flowers to decorate it (though a red rose would really be the icing on the cake of course!).

Valentine's Day and beyond...

Giving and receiving attention

Giving and receiving attention are the most important and basic emotional needs we have as human beings. These particular needs are part of - and underpin - the meaning of every human interaction.

The quality and quantity of attention given and received is what can really make or break a relationship - not just what happens on Valentine's Day.

How do you ensure that your relationship remains fresh, rewarding, loving and sustaining? Visit my page on the secrets of happy relationships.

Realised your relationship's in trouble?

On Valentine's Day especially - and perhaps more than any other day - you may be painfully confronted with the fact that your relationship or marriage just isn't what you want it to be. 

Perhaps you've been unhappy for a while. Or maybe you've found out that your partner is cheating on you and/or you can feel that they're slowly withdrawing from you.

In which case, take action right away. Don't leave the survival of your relationship or marriage to chance. Get my Complete Guide to Saving Your Relationship now.

Finally

My best relationship advice for Valentine's Day? Don't make it into anything it doesn't need to be! If you want to celebrate together, it doesn't have to cost a fortune and you don't have to make grand gestures. Small, simple and honest tokens of genuine love and affection are all that's needed. And these really don't have to be confined to just the 14th February either :-) 

Related articles

How 'Lucky' Are You?
How to Prepare Yourself for Reconciliation
Stay or Walk Away?

Other helpful links

Gratitude predicts well-being (PDF)
Journal of Happiness Studies: Letters of gratitude - further evidence of author benefits