3-step plan to get your ex-wife back and rebuild your marriage

How to win your ex-wife back

I’m so glad you’ve landed here. You’re clearly dead-keen to discover how you can get your ex-wife back.

I suspect you’re finding it really difficult to move on after the divorce. And you’re prepared to do whatever it takes to win your ex-wife back.

I’m a relationship therapist with 24 years of experience ((now retired). I can’t tell you how many men I’ve seen wanted to win back their ex-wife. I know what it takes for you to have even the smallest chance of success!

Regardless of what you might read elsewhere, unfortunately, there is no failsafe way to get back with your ex-wife. Let’s face it, there’s no guarantee with anything in life!

However, I can guarantee you’ll benefit if you follow my advice. If you take action as laid out in the steps further down, you’re likely to feel a ton better. That is regardless of whether you’re successful in getting your ex-wife back.

However, I don’t want you to have any false expectations and waste your time and energy. So, first, judge yourself if you should even try to win your ex-wife back.

When it’s too late to win your wife back

Your attempts at reconciliation are very likely to be unsuccessful under the following circumstances:

• When you’re ex-wife is no longer single and happily settled with someone else.
• When the two of you have split up several times before.
• When either one of you (or both) were abusive. See my toxic relationship test.
• When you know, in your hearts of hearts, you can’t be the person your ex wants. Or vice versa!

Do also look at this Ted Talk about the difference between healthy and unhealthy love.

So, should you even get back together? Could you make them love you again?

Why did you end up divorced?

Why did you break up?

• Did you instigate the divorce? You wanted out, whether or not to be with someone else.
• Did your ex-wife want to separate and divorce, whether or not to be with someone else? She was no longer happy with you and ended the marriage.

Regardless of what happened, it will take some hard work to win your ex-wife back. That is, particularly if you feel you caused the breakup, but also if you’re still resentful about her role in the breakup of your marriage. 

Either way, the question is, are you ready to get back with your ex-wife?

How to get your ex-wife back

Getting back with your ex-wife for the right reasons

It’s not unusual for divorced couples to remarry each other.

The question is, do you want to get back with your ex-wife for the right reasons?

I can guarantee you that your attempts will fail if you want her back because:

• On your own, you’ve nowhere to go.
• Your children don’t like her new partner (though that might be a partial reason to get your ex-wife back).
• You’re jealous.
• You hate having lost control.
• You’re unable to rebuild your life.
• You’re unsuccessful with dating.
• You had an affair and moved in with someone else, but they ended the relationship.
• You miss your life (not your ex-wife) as it was.
• You can’t face the future on your own.

Reading this article can help you figure out what went wrong in your marriage. However, unfortunately, without knowing you, of course, I doubt you’re in the right frame of mind to get your ex-wife back.

I’d love you to do some work to overcome your personal problems.

I recommend individual therapy.

Alternatively, start exploring the personal development section in your local bookshop. Or, listen daily to one or more hypnosis audio downloads (opens in a new tab). Simply choose one that catches your eye.

The right reasons to try and win your ex-wife back

The right reasons to get back with your ex-wife are: 

• You’ve realised you’ve made mistakes, and what a wonderful woman you’ve let go of.
• You still really love her.
• You’ve worked hard on yourself and have overcome whatever your personal problems were.

So, be dead-honest with yourself now – what are your reasons for wanting a reconciliation?

If you genuinely want her back for the right reasons, let’s get cracking.

We’ll first have to figure out why you separated and divorced. You have no hope of putting it right without knowing what went wrong.

When did you split up?

What to do when very recently divorced

Has your divorce come through very recently? If so, you might feel angry, sad, broken-hearted, confused, lonely and maybe even scared about the future.

If you have children, you’ll already have experienced that sense of loss of not seeing them every day.

You probably can’t sleep, concentrate or think straight. Safe to say, you’re having a pretty hard time right now.

You might be tempted to keep messaging your ex-wife, promising to change (if you feel you caused the breakup). Or, if the two of you need to stay in touch because of the children, you might be extra kind and loving. Perhaps you’ve even pleaded with her.

However, I strongly advise you against attempting to win your ex-wife back right now.

It might be tough to hear, but you’re not ready yet!

You divorced some time ago

Maybe you’d been married for a long time when you or your wife left, and you might have thought you’d manage on your own. Perhaps you suspected you’d have no chance of getting her back.

You now want to try and give your marriage another shot.

You’ve realised life is not the same without your now ex-wife. You’ve discovered what she really meant to you. You still love and admire her and would like to get back with her. You’re convinced you can be a better husband than you might have been.

Let’s deal with the following first.

What to do when you’ve been unfaithful

You’ve been cheating on your wife – you had an affair. You may have ended the marriage to pursue that new relationship.

You chose someone else over your ex-wife. But now, you’ve come to realise you’d made a mistake. You still love your ex-wife and want her back for all the right reasons.

Your ex-wife is likely to argue the emotional aspect of your infidelity was the worst betrayal. She’ll have a hard time forgiving you, and her trust in you will be completely out of the window.

So, before trying to win her back, it’s imperative you do the following…

Your plan of action

Before you’re ready for my 3-step plan to get your ex-wife back, I’d like you to read the following articles: link

• How to survive an affair
• How to deal with infidelity
• How to get over an affair and stay together.

3-step plan – the best way to get ex-wife back

Here’s my advice on how you’ll stand the best possible chance of getting back together.

Step 1 – essential!

You’ll need to know what went wrong and why you divorced. Without knowing and understanding what caused the breakup, you can’t begin to get it right the second time.

You played a role in your marital problems (even if you didn’t have an affair). I’d like you to understand what you contributed to the issues – consciously or unconsciously.

Read my articles:

• 19 signs your marriage is over
• Is your relationship worth saving
• How to fix these 18 common marriage problems

Step 2 – become the best version of yourself

What do I mean by becoming the best version of yourself?

You are unique! There’s no one in this world like you.

To become a better husband, you’ll need to enhance your positive characteristics, skills and attitudes to help you become the best version of yourself. Before weighing off your wife’s expectations and opinions, you’ll need to be happy with yourself.

Only then will you be able to determine if your desire for reconciliation comes from a healthy place of true love or fear and dependence.

Dealing with personal problems

Consider if any of these 12 personal problems could have impacted your relationship. If any of them have, it’s essential you deal with them.

Focusing on yourself in positive ways, instead of winning your ex-wife back, is an excellent use of your energy.

A mentally healthy, confident and stable you gives you a far better chance of building a healthy relationship – with your wife or even with someone else.

Here are my top ways to get you to shine again and stand the best chance of getting your ex back:

1. Motivate and calm yourself with the help of a hypnosis audio download

Self-hypnosis with the aid of a professionally produced audio download is an effective, user-friendly and affordable way to deal with any personal or relationship issues. links

For further information, see my article: Hypnosis Downloads and FAQ.

2. Get support

Talk to trusted friends and family members to strengthen your feeling of being connected to other people. Get their relationship advice.

I recommend you talk to a registered or licensed therapist for expert guidance and support. Even just one conversation can make all the difference!

3. Stop blaming your spouse

Blaming your her for everything will only get your ex-wife’s hackles up. It’s no way of getting her back.

Instead, you’ll need to climb into the driving seat and take control. Learn how to be a better spouse or partner.

4. Be ready for your wife’s potential return

Becoming the best version of yourself includes considering your role in the breakdown and divorce. It means acknowledging what you’ve done was incompatible with building a healthy relationship. It also includes your commitment to doing all you can to become a better spouse.

I recommend you also read my articles:

• How to argue better in a relationship
• How to become an (emotionally) supportive spouse
• 24 tips on building a healthy relationship
• How to become a better spouse
• Am I the toxic one in the relationship.

Step 3 – judge your ex-wife’s commitment

Only when you’ve completed the first two steps are you ready to have an honest conversation with your ex-wife. That is, if she’s open to that and single – not in a committed relationship.

Having done all that work, you’re in a much stronger position to negotiate and compromise!

You’ll be able to show her how serious you’ve taken her unhappiness and complaints. You’ll be able to present her with the evidence of the changes you’ve already made.

You’ll want to be convinced now of your wife’s commitment to reconciliation. Is she prepared to work with you to rebuild the marriage, or is she too committed now to her new life?

What if your ex-spouse definitely doesn’t want you?

I cannot know your situation. So, there’s no way of knowing your chance of success. I hope you’ve taken heed of my advice on when you shouldn’t even try to get back with your ex-wife.

I can tell you that if you’ve acted on my advice in the first two steps, you’re likely to feel a ton better!

You’ll have spent some time working hard work to:

• Develop your self-awareness
• Enhance your positive characteristics
• Change unhealthy behaviours (think about contempt, constant criticism, stonewalling and blaming) link
• Improve your relationship skills.

All the above will shift the way you see yourself. You may then realise that getting back with your ex-wife is not in your best interest!

Your self-esteem is likely to have increased on account of the above. 

I suspect that it will make dating easier, more interesting and exciting, and possibly more successful for you.

Finally

I can so understand that all-consuming desire for reconciliation. It can be tough to move on after a divorce, particularly one for which you weren’t prepared.

But what if, despite all your efforts, your ex-wife has no intention of getting back to you?

Well, if you’ve followed my advice in Step 2, you’ll find yourself much stronger and more resilient if the two of you aren’t getting back together.

Whatever your future looks like, just remember, you are unique. There’s no one in this world quite like you. You’ve got this!