How to get your ex back, save your relationship or marriage - in 3 steps

Category: Better Relationships | Author and Publisher: Elly Prior | First published: 20-01-2012  | Modified: 10-12-2018

Even just thinking about how to get your ex back - be that your wife, husband or partner - can be exhausting.

Where do you start? How can you do it? Will they listen?

What actually are the chances of winning them back? And, if there is a chance, what is the best way to get your ex back?

Should you even try to change her mind or his mind?

On top of all those questions, your emotions are probably all over the place on account of the break-up itself.

No doubt you miss him or her like crazy. You’re probably having trouble sleeping and concentrating. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re finding it hard to think about anything other than your ex: remembering the good times, wondering what they’re doing now and mourning what you’ve lost.

Also, you may well be wondering if they're already with someone else. That is, if you don't already know that they've left you for someone else. In that case, you'll no doubt want to know how you can win him or her back from the other person.

How to work towards a reconciliation without pleading and losing your dignityYour ex may, or may not, be the right one for you. You may or may not be able to get back together. I know you feel lost now, but you owe it to yourself to take the time to reflect.

The best way to get your ex back
Step 1

Well, first of all, take a deep breath!

Try to calm the whirling thoughts in your mind. When you’re wound up and over-emotional, it’s impossible to think straight. Let alone make a clear plan of action with the best way to get your ex back!

Your emotions are likely to be all over the place. You might be angry, sad, bereft, broken-hearted, confused, scared - the list could go on.

Possibly your self confidence too has taken a nosedive.

Safe to say, you’re having a pretty hard time at the moment! 

So, to stand the best chance of winning your ex back, the very best thing you can do is to take a few days to let it all sink in. You need a little time and space to get your own head straight to avoid doing something you later regret.

You'll definitely want to avoid texting your ex or making endless phone calls to question, beg or plead. It’s totally understandable if you’re feeling needy and desperate post-breakup. But trust me when I say that’s not a good place for you to be if you’re trying to repair your relationship!

A healthy relationship needs two emotionally healthy partners.  

When you’re feeling stronger, you’ll be able to make more rational, healthy decisions and choices. And then if you do get back together with your ex, it won’t be because he/she was simply worn down by all your begging and pleading! 

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3 Things to do to become the best version of yourself, IF you want your ex back

How to get your ex back Step 2 -
Consider if you should get back with your ex

Don’t skip this bit - it’s important! Ask yourself - honestly - why you want to get your ex back.

I know you wouldn't be here if you didn't think he or she is the love of your life, and you can’t contemplate your future without them.

But, why is that so?

Therefore, I'd really like you to start with answering the following questions really honestly (there's no one looking over your shoulder!):

  • Could it be that you’re afraid of being alone?
  • Could it be that you simply don't have the confidence to be by yourself?
  • Would you perhaps put up with things that, deep down, you knew weren’t right with your relationship, just to avoid being on your own again?
  • Is your time running out for having kids, making starting all over again just too sad to contemplate?
  • Or are you in any other way dependent on this relationship working out?

Ideally, I'd like you to have answered those questions with a resounding "No".

I'd also want you to feel sure that you'd both be happy work on the issues and create a stronger and more stable relationship as you move forward.

And, Id like to know that your ex was not in any way mistreating you. If you're unsure what precisely I mean by that, I strongly advise you to read my articles:

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How to get your ex back Step 3 -
Winning him or her back by becoming the best version of yourself

What do I mean by that?

If you think your best chance of getting your ex partner or spouse back is to earn more money, lose weight, change your hair, get another job (etc. etc. etc.) then pull yourself up on those thoughts right away!

Instead, what I mean by becoming the best version of yourself is making positive changes that make you feel better about yourself. You need to be happy with yourself, regardless of anyone else (not least your partner).

Only then will you be able to determine if your desire to get your ex back comes from a healthy place of love or a needy place of fear.

Focusing on yourself in positive ways for a short while is a great use of your energy. A mentally healthy, confident and stable you leads to a far better chance of having a healthy relationship - with your ex or someone new!

Here are my top ways to get you to shine again and stand the best chance of getting your ex back:

1. Achieve the best results faster with self-hypnosis
Self-hypnosis with the aid of a download is a really convenient, affordable and effective way to rebuild your self-esteem, improve your sleep and learn how to make the most of your inborn resources (to name but a few benefits!). For further information, see my article: Hypnosis Downloads and FAQ.

2. Get support
Talk to trusted friends and family members to strengthen your feeling of being connected to other people. Or talk to a counsellor or therapist for professional guidance and support. Work out with their support what your strengths and 'weaknesses' are.
(This is so easy to do now too - and you can get started right away. See my article on online counselling.) 

3. Stop blaming your partner for all kinds
Read my article with the 10 tips to become a more considerate partner.

Be sure to deal with your personal baggage to get your ex back. There's no shame in it - we all have stuff to sort.

4. Deal with your personal problems
Consider if any of these 12 personal problems could have impacted your relationship. If any of them have, then take the opportunity now to deal with them now.

5. Be ready for his or her return!
Familiarise yourself with these 24 healthy relationship tips to immediately impact your relationship in a positive way.

Finally

I can so understand that all-consuming desire to get your ex back and not knowing if indeed you can get him or her back, if it's really possible.

Break-ups are hard! And being alone (suddenly, or again) can feel really scary and unsettling. Don’t make any rash decisions though that you might later regret, or that might cause you to compromise your own values.

But what, if despite all your efforts, your ex-partner or -spouse doesn't want to come back?

Well, if you've followed my advice in this article, I'm convinced you'll be in a better place in any case. And I promise you, you will get over it (I did too!).

I wish you all the very best for the success of your reconciliation - if indeed this is the right relationship for you. :-) 

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