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How do you know if your relationship is worth saving?
Your relationship is worth saving – at least for the time being – for any or all of the reasons below.
It’s worth saving your relationship if:
- You are committed to playing an active role in improving it;
- You’re not in an abusive relationship;
- You are prepared to learn how to build a healthy relationship;
- You are prepared to take constructive criticism and advice;
- Your partner starts to notice after a month or so – if not much sooner – the changes in your approach and attitude towards him or her;
- Your partner then starts to make changes to their behaviour too, without you having to push them to do it.
You can make lots of changes by yourself to improve your relationship, without your partner’s direct involvement.
I know that may come as a surprise!
However, you can’t save the relationship by yourself.
Here are another few situations you may have to think about when you’re considering if it’s worth saving your relationship.
When it may not be worth saving your relationship
It may not be worth saving your relationship when you’re dealing with:
You’re treating each other with contempt – a combination of feelings of dislike, disgust and anger (See: Signs of emotional abuse). Neither of you is prepared to invest in your relationship in order to change the way you communicate with each other.
Lack of commitment
You knew from the start this man/woman wasn’t really the one for you, but you got together with them because you just wanted to be in a relationship.
One or both of you frequently acts for hours or maybe even days like the other simply doesn’t exist.
One or both of you suffer from an addiction you’re refusing to address.
One or both of you are constantly defending yourself, without taking any responsibility for your actions.
Intolerable conflict in blended family
There is unendurable conflict in your blended family and an overall lack of willingness to consult a professional to address the problems.
Stagnant long-distance relationship
You have a long-distance relationship which isn’t making much progress and there’s no chance of meeting up. See my article: Long-distance relationship advice.
If either one of you has a history of cheating, chances are that history will repeat itself. Ask yourself then, are you (or is your partner) afraid of commitment?
See this article: your partner is lying about money.
What have you got to lose?
The above list is not exhaustive, and much also depends on what you stand to lose if you do break up.
Haven’t known each other for very long?
In that case, breaking up is likely to be easier than if you’re living together and had originally intended to stay together for the rest of your lives.
If you’ve been together for a long time, you’ve already made a huge investment – emotionally, spiritually, physically and perhaps financially too. So the question of whether or not to save your relationship becomes a more complicated one to answer.
The same counts for if you want to have children and your child-bearing years are slowly coming to an end. Or, if you have already children, or you’re financially (or in any other way) dependent on each other, then there is of course much more to lose.
See also my article: How to help your child through a breakup.
Are you truly compatible?
I’d like you to have a look at my relationship compatibility test.
Since you’re clearly wondering if it’s worth saving your relationship, I think you’ll really benefit from taking this test.
Alternatively, why not get some expert relationship advice? It’s easy now to get expert online relationship advice from a licensed therapist. Just click that link to learn more.
When is your relationship definitely not worth saving?
If your partner is physically hurting you, controlling you and verbally abusing you, you are dealing with domestic violence.
If, heaven forbid, your partner is abusing your children or you catch them accessing child porn on the internet, your relationship is absolutely not worth saving.
In any case of abuse, you need help ending the relationship and reporting your partner to the appropriate authorities. See my article on the signs of an abusive relationship for support on this one.
Is your relationship worth savingor is a relationship breakdown on the cards?
I’m afraid there’s no way I can answer this for you (unless you’re being abused). But I hope the points above have given you an idea of whether or not there’s anything worth fighting for.
You can find more in-depth help and advice for all sorts of common relationship problems right here on my site. If you’re willing to invest a little time and effort into your relationship then there’s every chance you can make it worth saving.
If you already know it’s not right for you, that’s sad, but you know what? Some relationships just need to end, however unfortunate that might be for one or both of you.
You deserve to best relationship you can have and so does your current partner, whether that’s together or as you go your own separate ways. :-)
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How to get immediate help from a licensed counsellor
Your problem is never too small or too big, too silly, too embarrassing or too complicated to get personal advice (anonymous if you want) from a licensed therapist. They’ll be happy to help.
- Click the image below and answer a few questions about yourself and your situation (it takes just a few minutes).
- Choose how you want to pay (it’s safe and secure).
- Write down what’s troubling you to start (chat, text, email, video-chat)…