What to do if someone is having a mental breakdown

How to deal with and comfort someone having a mental breakdown

Since you’re here, t’s clearly important to you to discover what to do if someone is having a mental breakdown.

Great! I’ve got you!

Depending on your relationship with them, you can do much to help someone with a mental breakdown.

For example, if you’re their manager, the kind of help you can offer will differ from that of a good friend or family member.

If your partner or spouse has a breakdown, visit: on how to help your partner or spouse.

Let’s start with looking at what sort of a breakdown the person is having – I’m naming three here: 

1. A one-off emotional breakdown
2. A nervous- or mental breakdown or burnout
3. A combination of the above.

Let’s start with how to help someone having an emotional breakdown.

Is the person having a mental breakdown or an emotional breakdown?

Someone might have an emotional breakdown when, for example, they’ve received what they consider to be bad or even horrific news.

If that’s the case, it’s crucial you make no judgement, even if you think they have nothing to worry about.

Now, you might have thought they were having a mental breakdown, not an emotional breakdown, so let’s dig in a little deeper.

An emotional breakdown is often caused by a significant loss or shock.

Perhaps the person’s life has suddenly taken a turn for the worst.

For example, a loved one may have landed in a hospital. Or they’ve had some really disappointing news – they failed an exam, lost their job or didn’t get the job they hoped for. Perhaps they discovered their partner cheated on them, or their spouse wanted a divorce.

Any situation that causes someone to be temporarily overwhelmed may cause an emotional breakdown. Your friend, colleague or family member is temporarily overcome with shock, fear, disbelief and/or sadness. And, they’re no longer able to contain their distress.

When someone is breakdown under such circumstances, you know that they’re no longer able to count on their normal defences.

Think of defences as their normal way to protect themselves from something impactful. They may normally resort to a ‘stiff upper lip’. Or they rely on their can-do, don’t-let-on and pull-yourself together, I’ll deal with this later, it’s not that big, attitude.

Someone having an emotional breakdown is likely to be in floods of tears, crying apparently uncontrollably. They may or may not be very angry and holler and shout. Or, believe it or not, they may even laugh uncontrollably.

Whatever their reaction, it’s likely to be a temporary one. That person will almost certainly recover in a relatively short space of time and process whatever they’re facing in their own way and time.

However, if they’ve been experiencing particularly stressful times in their life, this event could herald a mental breakdown.

Do you now suspect you’re dealing with someone having a mental breakdown instead of an emotional breakdown?

Then be sure to also read the section on how to help someone having a nervous or mental breakdown further down.

What to do when someone is having a breakdown

How to help someone with an emotional breakdown

Remember your friend, colleague or loved one’s interpretation of the problem or news is unique to them. Therefore, refrain from making any judgment (challenging that may be).

Here’s how you can comfort someone having an emotional breakdown:

Step 1

Make sure you take your friend to a private corner or room and just sit with them quietly. You may want to ask: “Can I just sit here with you?” because they might want to be left alone.

Though not everyone likes being touched, you might try to put your hand on your friend’s lower arm.

They might accept your arm around them if you’re close to them. They might want to be held at times. But, don’t just do – ask!

Do nothing else unless that person has already started talking about what has happened. In that case, you just listen.

Familiarise yourself with what you can say and what to avoid. Hop over to my article on advanced listening skills. It will make Step 2 much easier.

Step 2

Let them cry, shout, be angry, sad, disappointed or whatever other feelings present themselves.

It may help to familiarise yourself with feelings by looking at my list of feelings and emotions.

Those feelings will most probably subside.

Depending on where you are, you may want to set a boundary around the hollering and shouting and ask the person to take a few deep breaths and not shout. Reassure them that you are there to listen.

Do nothing else.

Step 3

When your friend is slowly beginning to calm down, you might say something like: “Would you like to tell me what’s going on for you right now, or would you rather sit quietly.”

Just listen. Follow the advice in the articles about communication in relationships and advanced listening skills (see above).

Depending on your circumstances, know that you probably can’t ‘make it better’ for them, however frustrating that might feel. But giving your time and attention and listening to them will help them calm down and reassess their problem-solving skills.

Remember, they’re only in need of advice when they ask for it. And, even then, you should think twice about giving advice. While they’re so emotional, they’re in a trance state and very vulnerable.

I hope this has given you a bit of a handle on how to help someone having a breakdown.

Now, let’s look at what to do when someone has a mental breakdown.

How to help someone having a mental breakdown

What is a mental or nervous breakdown?

A nervous breakdown is an illness with a potentially long road to recovery. To learn what it entails, take a peek at my articles:

• Symptoms of a nervous breakdown
• FAQ about a mental breakdown

Hopefully, reading those articles makes it easier to understand how you can best help and support someone with a mental breakdown or burnout.

I’ll be here when you come back!

What are the signs of someone going through a nervous breakdown

There are many nonverbal indicators of a person who is on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

10 signs of a nervous breakdown

They may…

1. have hunched-over shoulders
2. look either quite blank and in a trance or as if they’re being chased
3. be fidgety or restless
4. cry easily (well … that might just be very verbal!)
5. become easily irritated and angry
6. be jumpy
7. have stress written all over their face
8. display markedly changed body language from what you would normally observe in them
9. show weight loss or weight gain
10. seem in a trance or not with it much of the time.

How to help someone through a mental breakdown

Helping someone with a nervous- or mental breakdown requires much empathy, patience, stamina and flexibility. That person won’t have calmed down in a way someone with an emotional breakdown might. We’re talking about longer-term psychological distress which will likely require professional help.

However, your support will also be vital, so let’s look at how you can help – depending on your relationship with that person. I’ve split the suggestions up – first for managers and colleagues and further down for family and friends.

You’re a manager or colleague

What to do when someone is having a breakdown

Step 1

Follow the steps for an emotional breakdown at the initial contact. Reassure your staff member you’re happy to listen again if there are any work-related problems.

Be sure to keep the boundaries. Someone so vulnerable is also very suggestive and may ask for more than you can or should give in terms of time and attention.

Step 2

Remember, the more attentive, empathic, resolute and professional your response, the less likely your staff member will go off sick for an extended period.

If possible, arrange for some flextime, time off, reduced hours, or even both.

Step 3

Deal with any work-related problems.

Your decisive action to resolve issues should aim to help the person with the breakdown and benefit other staff.

Why?

If indeed the person is suffering from an emotional or mental breakdown due to work-related stress. In that case, you’d want to ensure that you do all you can to reduce overall stress in a department.

I promise you – you’ll improve productivity to boot!

Addressing the problem that contributed to your staff member becoming ill may help keep them at work or ease their return to work.

You’re a friend or family member

Step 1

• Avoid making assumptions about what help your friend with the breakdown might want or need – ask them. 
• Be prepared that they can’t even think straight – let alone answer that question – they may be very ill.
• Decide what you’re best at offering – practical help (think of shopping, for example), a listening ear, fun and laughter (probably in a much later stage), advice, or all four. 
• Think through how much time and attention you’re able and willing to give over the following months. Be sure to be realistic so that you can keep your promises.
• Connect with friends or family who can offer the things you can’t.

Step 2

Explain to your friend having a mental breakdown how you can help based on your decisions in step 1.

Check with them regularly – in person or by text, depending on what they find comfortable and how they’re doing.

Be aware that while they’re ill, a simple question might feel like pressure.

You could, therefore, say or text something like: “Just to let you know I’m thinking of you, and I’m here to help with….”

Or text something like: “I’m here for you (no need to answer.).” “Thinking of you.” “This too will pass.” “It’s okay not to feel okay.” “I don’t think any less of you now.”

Be sure to keep your promises while expecting your friend may not respond as expected.

Step 3

• Keep track of your friend’s recovery. It’s likely to be a very long one. Expect it to be one step forward and three steps back. 
• If you can, when your friend or a family member is happy to see you, offer a listening ear without judgement or unasked for advice – even if it’s something you’ve allocated to someone else in Step 1. Your emotional support is likely to be much appreciated – even if that’s not obvious at the time.
• Try not to take any rejection personally. Your friend is short of spare capacity while they’re ill – they can barely cope with themselves, let alone consider your feelings.

Should you push your friend to get professional help?

Your friend going through a mental breakdown may well need professional help. However, telling them they should get help is likely to make them run in the opposite direction!

Encourage your friend or family member to seek the professional help of their choice, but don’t push them. You might suggest a suitable counsellor, online therapist or a doctor.

You could send them the link to my article on FAQ about a nervous breakdown.