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Sexual relationship problems

Is your sexual relationship all but non-existent?

Libido Find out how to deal with the difficulties, before it starts to cause major problems in your relationship/marriage.

By the time my clients come for counselling the lack of sex may have caused a general malaise in the relationship. Equally - a poor relationship causes a decline in libido, most often in women.

Frustration and anger?

Sexual problems Resentment, anger, frustration and hurt are a real barrier to a loving, satisfying sexual relationship. I would want you to do all you can to address the problems. It really does not help to push your partner to make love more often. Neither is it useful to avoid the subject.

Sexual arousal a problem for one or both of you?

Sexual arousal is a very complex process - like every other function in the body. It involves your brain and nervous system, hormones, blood vessels, muscles as well as your emotions. Problems with any of these can have an effect on your sexual desire.

The process of libido improvement, first and foremost involves ensuring overall physical, mental and emotional well-being.

The first step in libido improvement

Arrousal If sex is the cause of your relationship difficulties I would really like you to see your family doctor first. I want to ensure that you rule out any medical problems.

Dealing with all of the following can help to enhance your libido.

Let him/her help by:

reviewing your antidepressants (if prescribed)
reviewing your medication for high blood pressure (if prescribed)
dealing with any pain
finding the cause of erectile dysfunction and treating it (we will be considering asking a psychosexual therapist for help later)
difficulties with ejaculation
treating any illness - stop procrastinating!
fatigue - though there are probably things you can do yourself
fear of pregnancy: contraception

For any problems with your mental health, explore this site to get further information.

What you can do yourself

To learn how to improve your libido, be sure to visit: how to increase libido (male and female)

Overcoming your shyness

Many people see it as a failure having to consult someone for help with sexual problems. If you are finding it particularly hard to talk about sex and/or you are very shy, it may help to do some general reading on the subject first. Reading will help you to become more comfortable with the language of sex.

How good is your ‘physical’ relationship

Your physical relationship involves much more than ‘full’ sex. It is part of the 'dance' of communication between two people who love each other.

It includes enjoying touching, stroking and massaging each other; it is kissing and cuddling. All this can and should be part of your relationship without the expectation of it leading to sex.

I would really encourage you to invest in being 'physical' in other ways - it so improves foreplay too, when you become skillful at it.

A gentle note of caution!

Very often there is a decline in intimacy, when one of you thinks a simple kiss may mean that he (most often male, though not necessarily) is 'in luck' and therefore pushes for more.

This results in the woman (but can of course be the man) shying away from any form of intimacy to avoid that. One is hurt by the rejection, the other fearful of the confrontation - an ever increasing vicious circle.

How well do you know yourself and your partner?

Here are some ideas to help you talk about sex—to help you get to know yourself and you partner better:

How did you learn about sex?
Who exactly told you what, where and when?
What were your parents’ attitudes to sex?
Have you played any games that had a sexual element with your siblings/friends, as a child?
What was your first sexual experience like?
Were you in love? Was it just for sex?
Were you, as a teenager able to confide in anyone about sex?
What is your attitude towards your own body, hygiene, health, menstruation, pregnancy, contraception, fantasies, etc.?

What next?

Sex a problem, but relationship fine? Contact a psychosexual therapist.
Bored? To spice things up go for the: 500 Lovemaking tips and Sex Secrets (affiliate link).
Relationship in trouble? Contact me—counselling, coaching or hypnotherapy can really help you to move forward. Imagine the relief you’ll feel when you get that problem sorted!