Author: Elly Prior | First published: 24-09-2010 | Modified: 24-10-2017
Knowing how to deal with rejection and what to do about it will help you to cope and recover more quickly. Rejection happens to us in so many ways and I'm here to help you handle it in love relationships, because it hurts like a physical pain.
If any of this happened to you (uuuuhm... I can almost guarantee you've had a deal with at least a couple of those - as I have too) I imagine you're feeling hurt, disappointed, perhaps angry and maybe even a failure. These are all normal feelings under the circumstances!
Whatever it is that brought you here, you'll find new ways of looking at the situation and specific strategies to help you feel better. Stick with me, I'm going to help you cope with that rejection.
Follow any of the links to my other pages, but do come back here for any of the following reasons for being so painfully shunned:
... and so on.
That rejection could have come completely out of the blue or you were prepared for it.
Perhaps you have known for some time that your relationship hasn't been right. Deep down you may have been expecting a major fall-out.
Perhaps you’ve been puzzled by the way your partner has changed. Maybe you thought that he or she was just having a bit of a rough time, or perhaps you suspected an affair.
If you've been getting the cold shoulder all of a sudden or for a while, I can understand if you're desperate to talk it through with someone you can trust. There's nothing more reassuring than some trustworthy advice on how to deal with the situation.
I've got your back. You can now very easily connect with an online licensed relationship expert (please note: this is a paid service).
I cannot explain it any better than Prof Helen Fisher in this TED talk:
Your feelings are part of your very personal response to either bad news or feeling let down by someone important to you.
To explain that - someone else in your position might have brushed it off, felt even worse or couldn't have cared less.
Your reaction will to some degree depend on your specific circumstances of course, including your relationship history. The way in which you found out that you are no longer wanted or loved will also have a bearing.
However, the following ‘normal’ reactions - all on a scale - are what I would generally expect to see in anyone who has just been given really bad news:
Most of these symptoms are likely to slowly disappear in the following days, possibly replaced by a sense of gloom, sadness and lack of interest in anything.
After a couple of weeks you should begin to see some light again. Very slowly the periods that you feel a little better will become more frequent and last longer.
After 4 - 6 weeks you’ll be getting on with things again, and feeling you are beginning to recover. 'Good' days may still be intermingled with really lousy days, but you can expect to be on the right track.
On the whole men recover more quickly than women. Men’s memory doesn’t naturally hold onto emotionally laden material. However, I have seen this reversed many a time in my counselling practice.
As human beings we have a strong need to feel secure. But after you’ve been rejected your sense of security is threatened, you may feel abandoned, scared and / or hopeless.
It’s no wonder that these feelings can so often lead to insecurity. You may be wondering when the next 'blow' with bad news and painful emotions will come and from which direction.
It's important that you don’t start to worry about feeling 'fragile' as well - under the circumstances it's normal to feel vulnerable. And that sense of impending doom will eventually disappear.
Criticism and rejection are very much part of life - everyone gets criticised and rejected!
But..., just in case it has happened once too often, you may want to have a look at my relationship test. It can help you to judge whether or not it is time to leave or what you can do to improve it.
If you have felt badly led down in previous relationships - however old you were and for whatever reason - rejection now may fuel your feeling that you are ‘not worthy’ of having someone special.
It may also be that you have felt rejected over a period of time - perhaps in the bedroom, or by your partner generally treating you with contempt.
If that sense of worthlessness does not pass, please promise me that you'll find some professional help. Counselling can really help you to 'find yourself' again and learn to deal with getting the 'cold shoulder'.
If counselling is not an option for you - for whatever reason - I can think of no better way than online self-hypnosis to help you regain your sense of self. You can learn how to (re)build your self-esteem via my page Hypnosis Online FAQ.
Alternatively, the most practical and thorough way to recover is with my own specially developed 5-Step practical course to getting over someone you love.
If your partner / spouse is having or has had an affair, it is understandable that you worry about what might be wrong with you. Perhaps you have become acutely aware of your perceived 'shortcomings'. Trust me, I really get that.
Each and every one of my clients in your position, who came to me to find out how to deal with rejection, has gone through the same turmoil.
However, right now I want you to stop focusing on your ‘faults’ by knowing that:
If you want to start doing all you can to help repair your relationship or marriage straight away, then 'Save My Marriage/Relationship' will help you do just that. Lee Baucom, PhD is an expert in sorting relationships out... even if your partner doesn't appear to want to put the effort in.
If you feel pushed away, second best or 'replaced' because your partner is having an affair or has actually left you for someone else then you need another plan of action. Read my page on The Magic of Making Up!
Get over the initial shock first. See yourself through the initial couple of weeks as best you can – ideally with the help of friends and family, and by treating yourself kindly.
When you are over the initial shock the following suggestions may help...
You now need to make a plan to help you look to the future and move forward. Write down in your diary what you are going to do differently for every day of the week.
Also important is that you invest in re-affirming all that is positive in your relationship and build on that. My Advanced Communication Kit for Couples will help you achieve just that.
It can be terribly hurtful to feel rejected in a love relationship, or by someone you would have wanted to have, or had, a relationship with.
These hypnosis downloads will help to soothe the hurt in the shortest possible time.
I'd like to give you some strategies for rebuilding your self-esteem too. This is how you can begin that process…
Don't forget, it may actually be a blessing that you were let down, thrown out, cast by the wayside or replaced! Perhaps, if you looked deep into your heart, you knew you were in the wrong relationship or that you had 'lost yourself', however much you loved that person.
You now know a little more about how to deal with rejection. All the advice on this page advice is designed to help you to decide what your next step should be. Take that first step by making a plan - with a list of actions, each with a date and time. Then you can let your journey begin!
Remember: much unhappiness is not caused by what happens to you in life but how you react to and deal with what happens to you.
Take control and take action today to overcome your distress. You won't only survive, you'll thrive! I'm rooting for you.
I really hope this article is of help to you. :-)
I frequently update my articles based on feedback, therefore I really value your vote. If you think I've missed something, please do let me know in the comment section below.
Thank you so much in anticipation. :-)