How to end a relationship

Knowing exactly how to end your relationship (or marriage) can be a real life-saver. Let's face it, the very thought of it ending it can make you cringe. And who do you ask? Your friends are probably no better at it than you.

I'm going to help you out with expert advice and tips on how to walk away from a relationship. By the end of this article you'll know how to prepare for it, how to do it and how not to do it.

Want to know even more? I cover every aspect in more detail in my other articles.

Just in case... 
... if you are worried your partner wants to break up with you, hop over to Warning signs of a break-up right now.

How does it feel?

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"I don't love you anymore."

You can walk away from a relationship or getting a divorce with confidence and compassion whilst also meeting your own emotional needs. You may even be able to break up amicably.

Think of it as doing away with your all-time favourite jumper. It's been looking tatty for some time, maybe it even has some holes. You chuck it out whilst you remember fondly its long-gone looks and qualities.

When you learn how to end a relationship, you'll discover how the whole process of walking away can be very 'manageable', taking less time, less stress and energy.  It's going be less costly - emotionally and financially.

Legal advice or not?

If you have shared assets you need to be sure that you don't end your relationship or marriage before you know exactly where you stand legally and financially.  Simply getting that advice early on will help you to feel more confident. You will want to know what your rights are, and what rights your partner has.

I have written a page specifically to help you find the right (divorce) lawyer for you.

Need more courage?

Sometimes a relationship or marriage really does need to end. Particularly if you have done all you can to save your marriage or relationship or you are in an abusive relationship you just need to go for it. I realise though that if your particular religion forbids it or shames you for ending, you may really struggle to make that decision.

If by any chance you're still not quite sure that you should walk away, do my relationship test to help you make that decision. You may even discover that there is still much to fight for.

To help you do an ending well I recommend hypnotherapy - it is both effective and very user-friendly.  Have a look at my self-hypnosis downloads page and try the download: Ending a relationship.

10 Steps to prepare for that conversation

Watch the video to find out what it could be like. I want you to do better!

I am assuming that you are ending a long-term relationship or marriage and that you will want to do it with care.

When you want to know how to end a relationship, I've got to tell you - you better prepare well for that gut-wrenching conversation. So, here's what you should do...

1. Consider in advance what support you might need after the conversation
2. Think through in advance what you are going to say, talk it over with a wise and trusted friend
3. Prepare responses to all his/her potential reactions (your friends will help you brainstorm those)
4. Arrange a time and place where you can talk in private
5. Make sure that you're not going to be disturbed during the conversation in which you end your relationship or marriage
6. Give no longer than a few hours notice that you want to discuss something important - depending how much of a 'worrier' your partner generally is (don't let him or her sleep on it)
7. Accept that your partner may express strong feelings - shout, cry, argue or run away
8. Be prepared to listen and ‘sit with’ your partner’s distress, there's nothing else you can do at that particular time
9. Resolve not to argue during the conversation
10. Focus on your role and your contribution to the relationship, not on what he/she is or has done, it will only lead to further pleas and arguments

You may want to brush up on your general communication skills.

How to end your relationship -

Breaking up without causing a breakdown

1. Set a realistic time limit if you anticipate an endless conversation
2. Ask if he/she has an idea what this conversation is about - listen
3. Acknowledge simply if your partner already suspected it or explain your reasons gently, slowly, but without endless explanations and justifications
4. Repeat your reasons if necessary, be clear without too much expansion
   Allow time for him or her to cry, shout, go quiet or whatever. Do not expect them to think or react rationally (scary, isn't it!).
5. Stay calm - do not start a row now, even if you feel angry and hurt 
6. Be kind and determined.
7. Accept that nothing you can say will make it better, other than that you will ‘try again’.

How not to end a relationship - avoid these mistakes

Should you stay in touch?

So, you've broken the news. Phew! Now what? Do you stay in touch or not? To some extent it depends on your circumstances.

Now you know how to end a relationship, you'll realise that you may need to stay in touch with your ex (though you can't be friends for a while yet).

This is how long you'll have to stay in touch with your ex...

See also: staying in touch and remaining friends with your ex.

There you have it! You now know how to end a relationship or marriage. There is of course much more to it. Explore my other pages on ending and divorce to make sure you're not going to make it all more difficult on yourself and your partner and children than it already is.

Breaking up is so worth doing well to preserve each other’s dignity and help you both move on after ending a relationship.

Do yourself a favour...

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 There is no shame in needing a bit of help with courage.

Self-hypnosis with an hypnosis download will do the trick. It is discreet, user-friendly and cost-effective.

Have a look at my Hypnosis downloads and FAQ pages (there's a super supportive download about ending a relationship!).

Related articles

Ending a long-term relationship Take these effective, but often overlooked steps to avoid a long draw-out process. Ending a long-term relationship.

How to break up Expert relationship advice for breaking up your long-term relationship in 3 clear steps. How to break up.

Warning signs of a break up 13 Warning signs of a break-up, 6 factors that contribute to it and the 12 stages of a break-up. Warning signs of a break-up