How to end a relationship

ways to end relationships

Want to find a way to finish your relationship?

Knowing how to end a relationship makes all the difference.  Anticipating hurt feelings and ‘over-reactions’?  It is not fair to delay - stop procrastinating and do it right first time!

Perhaps your relationship has not been right for some time.  You may have tried to address the problems to no avail.  Now you want to finish it if only you knew how.  Find out here how to do it well.

However, before reading how to end a relationship ... are you actually very sure that is what you want to do?  If not - you may want to use this cool tool (and whilst you are there, make sure you have a good look at that massively successful site).

Can't be bothered with all the reading?  Go straight down this page to access a brand new service.  Act now and discuss 'how to end' with a top on-line counsellor who will help you reveal the best way forward for you.

What stage are you at?

The decision to end a short or a long-term relationship will probably have come after you have gone through different stages of a breakup.

Stages may be more ’condensed’ and/or missing in short-term relationships.

If you have seen the ending of several relationships, it may be worth taking stock with the help of a counsellor.

Staying in touch after ending?

Your circumstances will to some extend determine how long you may need to stay in touch:

• for a short period of time if you have to divide your possessions
• much longer if you have to sell your home and divide assets
• for the rest of your life (!) if you have children

Thought of preparing before ending the relationship?

Before we get to the 'nitty-gritty', visit relationship communication to brush up on your communication skills.  Whilst you are wandering off, you may as well visit breaking up tips too for more unmissable information.  I will be waiting right here to take you through the next steps.

Getting closer to actually finishing it

• Arrange a time and place where you can talk in private
• Make sure that you won’t be disturbed
• Give no longer than a few hours notice that you want to discuss something important - depending how much of a 'worrier' your partner is generally
• Consider in advance what support you might need
• Accept that your partner may express strong feelings
• Be prepared to listen and ‘sit with’ your partner’s distress
• Resolve not to argue during the conversation
• Think through in advance what you are going to say
• Prepare responses to all possible reactions
• Focus on your role and your contribution to the relationship

The best ways to end relationships

• Begin by asking how he/she is feeling right now - listen and acknowledge
• Set a realistic time limit if you anticipate an endless conversation
• Lead by saying he/she must have realised this is a different conversation
• State your reasons gently - keep it short, no endless explanations
• Repeat your reasons if necessary, be clear without too much expansion
• Allow time for feelings to be expressed, but don’t stretch it out unnecessarily
• Do not start a row now, even if you feel angry and hurt – stay calm
• Accept that possibly nothing you can say will make it better for your partner, other than that you will ‘try again’ - be kind, but determined
• Remember that the more emotional someone is, the less able they are to take things in. Do not expect them to think or react rationally.

What won’t work or is not fair in ending

• Don’t text or leave leave a message on an answer machine
• Don’t end the relationship during a telephone conversation
• Don’t let someone else pass the message on
• Don’t suddenly cut off all contact without first giving an explanation
• Don’t become antagonistic in the hope that your partner will dump you
• Don’t start an affair
• Don’t be ‘unavailable’ if what you really need to do is end
• Don’t avoid conversations about the state of your relationship
• Don’t finish a relationship in a public place, unless you are unsafe
• Don’t end it just before your partner has a commitment
• Don’t tell other people of your intend to end before your partner knows
• Don’t expect an ending without anybody feeling hurt
• Don’t end in the middle of a row
• Don’t chicken out of ending, when you really know it is over

After finishing the relationship

Depending on how long the relationship lasted, how intense it was, how secure/insecure you and/or your partner are, you may need to be prepared for further conversations.

Breaking up a long-term relationship

The process of ending a long term relationship is more likely to take more time and is very unlikely to be accomplished with just one conversation. However, the general principles apply, whatever the reasons: be courteous and considerate.

Breaking up is worth doing well to preserve each other’s dignity and help you both move on.

Reasons for breaking up?

You may be tempted to criticise your partner for what you perceive to be wrong with her/him.  Be warned: this will only encourage them to want to change into whatever they think you would want them to be at that moment.  Your spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend may plead for you to give them another chance.

If you are really sure that you do not want another chance!  Talk about your role in your relationship problems and how you have ran out of steam.

Emotions and control

You will want to stay in control!  The more emotional we are as human beings the more unpredictable and potentially disastrous is our behaviour!  For productive ways of dealing with your anger, read my page with anger management tips.

In the meantime, for the purpose of ending your relationship  ... you won't want to dump in a fit of anger ... you might not be ready or even really mean it and hugely regret it later.

Don’t say your want to finish the relationship in the hope your partner will do 'whatever' to please you.  You will never get your essential emotional needs met by trying to control another person.  Worse: you are likely to feel increasingly and frighteningly out of control by doing that.  In addition: you may be surprised and shocked to find that your partner may just be pleased that you apperently wanted to end the relationship!

Further information on ending relationships

I hope that you have more of an idea on how to end a relationship.  It really is worth doing a 'good ending' for you and your soon-to-be ex.  HypnosisDownloads has an excellent download: Ending a relationship, to really help prepare you by recruiting your unconscious mind.

You can also access qualified and experienced counsellors for on-line help and advice with ending your relationship right now.  There is nothing quite like speaking to someone who is experienced in dealing with this sort of stuff.  As experienced counsellors.

We know you probably have a long story to tell and may be wondering know where to even start.  However, we do very quickly get to the core of the matter and we are often not only able to identify potential complications you may not have thought about yourself, but also the best ways of dealing with them!  So, don't wait any longer - get some help - you will sleep all the better for it tonight!

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