By Elly Prior (About)
Counsellor, Founder and Author of

How to increase male libido

Part 1, Part 2

You and your partner deserve a great sexual relationship. This can of course be difficult if you are suffering from male low libido. Therefore I so hope the information here will help you to boost your sex drive. 

And I’m glad you’re here – it means that you want to find a way to resolve the problem. You might have been feeling that you’ve let your partner down lately… but of course you’re probably suffering too.

First of all, I would absolutely want you to talk to your doctor about your lack of libido - there’s no need to be embarrassed about it at all. I can imagine you're shaking your head right now though.

Are you trying to keep it a secret?

Low libido in a male can be caused by a physical condition, emotional problems (or both of course) and / or medication - much the same as in women. (If you’re interested, you could also have a look at How to Increase Libido for Women if you have a female partner who is struggling too.)

Over the years since I qualified as a couple counsellor I’ve seen far more women who complain about a lack of desire. I've not counselled many men who’ve told me freely that they cannot be bothered with sex anymore – maybe because they are too embarrassed, proud or shy. 

In fact, I’m usually told of the problem with sex drive by their partner or wife. Men are much less likely to seek help - even from a doctor, let alone from a counsellor – so the problem isn’t reported nearly as often as it occurs. 

Causes of male low libido


Alice was convinced Geoff was having an affair. She had done all she could to find out if he was cheating on her.

The truth was that Geoff had not turned off from her, but turned into himself because he felt increasingly unable to cope at work.

Needless to say he wasn't feeling very lustful either! And Alice had drawn the wrong conclusion. If only they had found a way to talk about all this sooner.

Below, and in Part 2, you can find the most likely causes of your low libido.

Understanding what’s causing your problem will help you to take action right away - to either correct it yourself, or have a conversation with your doctor.  

In the case of the latter, being well-informed will help you to be more assertive about the kind of solution or advice you would like.

Is it your age?

No, surprisingly it isn't according to Australian researchers at the University of Adelaide.  They discovered that depression and life-style factors, not your age, cause a decline in testosterone*.

Until we learned about the outcome of this study we thought that men over the age of 40 would have to expect a drop in testosterone.

There has to be a significant drop in testosterone for this to lead to a drop in sex drive. Men's testosterone levels are naturally lower when they become a father.

The hidden dangers of medication

There are many kinds of medication that can have a severe impact on male sex drive. 

7 Kinds of medication causing low libido

  1. Science News reports the results of a study on drugs for hair loss and how they may cause low libido. Propecia (finasteride - also prescribed for prostate problems) causes erectile dysfunction, decreased arousal and problems with orgasm in a significant number of men after long-term use. Worryingly the symptoms lingered long after they stopped using the medication (link at the bottom of the page).
  2. If you are taking antidepressants (SSRIs, MAOI, Tricyclics), don't be surprised if your sex drive is not what it used to be.  It may have already been affected by the fact that you were depressed.  However, chances are that it got worse since you have been on antidepressants.
  3. I get so cross with doctors sometimes as they often fail to consider that if men are depressed because they are having relationship problems, they could only make it worse by putting them on antidepressants. How depressing then to find out it may be making matters worse!
  4. If you are taking medication for epilepsy, you unfortunately may not have much choice.  However, Carbamazepine can cause impotence.
  5. Medication for high blood pressure also has a negative impact on sexual function. It would be really helpful to you if you start to learn how you can lower your blood pressure yourself with lifestyle changes and nutritional supplements and perhaps some herbal remedies.
  6. Lifestyle changes are also needed if you are taking medication for peptic ulcers and reflux disease.  It may well be that stress reduction techniques and a change of diet mean that you can talk to your doctor about reducing your medication for both.
  7. Benzodiazepams are prescribed mainly for anxiety and depression.  These are two conditions I know you can totally improve yourself.

The real downers of stress and depression

10 steps to male sexual
success course

Stress and depression are the most common causes of a lack of desire in men. I have on this site all the information you need to bring yourself back up again if you feel depressed or stressed.

I know you might be feeling really rubbish if you are stressed or depressed, but I really want you to do something about it now.

You can find links further down the page to other resources on this site that will help you to deal with depression. Please don’t delay any longer – avoiding issues will only mean that they will catch up with you at some point… and there is never a convenient time for that.

If you are suffering from depression or anxiety do let me help you to explore how you can get yourself better without taking antidepressant medication.  One of the side effects of antidepressants is a decrease in sex drive.

To help lift your spirits sooner rather than later have a look at the hypnosis downloads for whatever is troubling you.

Or you can Speak to an Online Expert Counsellor or Therapist right now.

Another reason to hate work?

Stressed at work?  If so, it is very likely that the result of this is noticeable at home, even if you’ve been trying to hide it.  You can probably cope with short periods of stress, however prolonged periods of stress will take their toll and may well result in a lack of sex drive.  

Whilst I can't help you right now to deal with the stress at your work, I can point you to an Instant Stress Relief Hypnosis Download that can help you settle right down. Or, if you don't fancy the idea of hypnosis, try the natural remedy PureCalm (link to my review page).

There are things you have no control over for sure.  However, ask yourself honestly if you have given up actively looking for a solution to problems you do have control over?

Why not hop over to my pages on Problem Solving Strategies for a step-by-step approach to identifying and 'shifting' outdated patterns and finding new solutions?  You’ll feel relieved just by taking some action.  Whether it is dealing with a lousy boss or colleague, lack of promotion prospects, or disciplinary issues.

Smoking damages this too

Stop smoking

Oh my goodness, gents - if you are smoking - here are some facts about its effect on your sex life. (Unfortunately I don’t have the source of this list anymore so I can’t attribute its content - apologies to the originator):


  • Have a lower sperm count
  • Have a higher percentage of deformed sperm
  • Have reduced mobility of sperm
  • Are seven times more likely to suffer from impotence
  • Have a lower male libido
  • Are likely to have less satisfying sex
  • Have sex almost half as much as non-smokers

In addition to all of that...

  • Teenagers who smoke could be impotent by the time they are 30-40
  • Normally three hours’ worth of erections – almost none for smokers
  • Smoking damages cells that synthesise testosterone

Now, as I don't know where I got this from, I can't completely vouch for it, so you might want to do your own research.  However, even if only half of this is true...!

I won't be in the least surprised if you have already tried to give up smoking - maybe several times.  So, let your unconscious do the work instead of your will-power. I promise you, it is so much more effective! Have a look at "Smoking Cessation" on my Hypnosis Online FAQ page.

Feeling anxious or having relationship problems?

Anxiety and relationship problems can both play a part in male low libido too. Join me in Part 2 to find out why, and for my advice on ways to start overcoming the problems. 

Part 1, Part 2

Related articles

Other helpful links

The Journal of Sexual Medicine: Persistant sexual side-effects of Finasteride for male-pattern hairloss
PsychCentral: Testosterone decline linked to depression, obesity and smoking
Dr Mercola: Many men risk their health by taking Testosterone


*Endocrine Society. Declining testosterone levels in men not part of normal ageing. ScienceDaily, 23 Jun. 2012, via ScienceDaily

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