How to deal with rejection

Knowing how to deal with rejection - what to do about it - will help you to cope and recover more quickly.  However, if you feel rejected whether by an ending, by infidelity, by criticism, by being 'brushed off' or by being ignored - having some understanding of why, and some strategies to see you through, can be a real lifeline.

I imagine you are feeling really hurt right now.  I hope I am going to be able to help you discover how to cope with rejection, and stop it happening again.  You may also want to explore links further down, such as How to get over a relationship, cheating, insomnia, depression, dealing with criticism, etc.

Constantly rejected or 'all of a sudden'?

It is possible that the rejection (including a request for divorce) came completely out of the blue.  You may have had no idea that things were that bad for your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend, and thought all was well in your relationship or marriage, save for the odd argument.

Alternatively, your relationship may not have right for some time and deep down you may have been expecting a major fall-out.  Perhaps you have been puzzled by the way your partner has changed.  Maybe you thought what he/she was having a bit of a rough time, or perhaps you suspected an affair.  I would therefore suggest you take my relationship test - see: End relationship quiz

Feeling hurt, angry, disappointed and let down are normal feelings when you feel rejected - no wonder your self-esteem suffers (see link to: How to build your self-esteem further down).

What is a ‘normal’ reaction

Your reaction will to some degree depend on your specific circumstances of course.  The way in which you found out that you are no longer wanted or loved will also have a bearing.

However, the following ‘normal’ reaction is what I would generally expect to see in anyone who has just been given really bad news, including finding out about the infidelity of a partner:

• during the first few minutes you may have felt unable to even speak
• you may have felt shaky - almost as if your legs won’t carry you
• your breathing might have changed and perhaps you felt dizzy/faint
• you might have felt rooted to the ground
• equally you might have wanted to run away
• you may have been conscious of how much faster and harder your heart was beating
• you may still feel sick now
• you might find it hard to eat anything
• sleeping, concentrating, remembering and thinking are all likely to be affected
• you may feel anxious about all sorts of things
• if you tend to suffer from anxiety, you may notice that your symptoms have worsened

Most of these symptoms are likely to slowly disappear in the following days, possibly replaced by a sense of gloom, sadness and lack of interest in anything.  

After a couple of weeks you should begin to see some light again.  Very slowly the periods that you feel a little better will become more frequent and last longer.

After between 4 and 6 weeks you will be getting on with things again, and feeling you are beginning to make a recovery.  'Good' days may still be intermingled with really lousy days, but you are on the road to recovery.

On the whole men recover quicker than women.  Their memory is not as geared up to hold on to emotionally laden material.  However, I have seen this reversed many a time in my counselling practice.

However, if you suffered from anxiety even before all this, then I really want you to do something about that right now.  Have a look at this well-researched, and very effective 3-step system to eliminate your anxiety by Chris Bayliss.

How to deal with rejection and insecurity

As human beings we have a strong need to feel secure.  But now you feel your sense of security is threatened; you may feel abandoned, scared and/or hopeless.
Feeling so rejected, perhaps abandoned, makes it understandable that you feel insecure.  You may be wondering when the next 'blow' with bad news and painful emotions will come and from which direction.

It is important that you don’t start to worry about feeling 'fragile' as well. That is completely normal and I would expect it to happen.  That sense of impending doom will eventually disappear.

If you are married and facing a divorce, you are likely to encounter more events that can completely unsettle you.  Each one will require time to process and heal.

How rejection fuels insecurity

If you have felt badly led down in previous relationships - however old you were and for whatever reason - rejection now may fuel your feeling that you are not worthy of having someone special.

It may also be that you have felt rejected over a period of time - perhaps in the bedroom, or by your partner/spouse generally treating you with contempt.

If that sense of worthlessness does not pass, please promise me that you will find some professional help.  Counselling can really help you to 'find yourself' again and discover how to deal with rejection, because it is part of life.

If counselling is not an option for you - for whatever reason - I can think of no better way than self-hypnosis online.  I am very happy to recommend the HypnosisDownloads.com people to help sooth you and help you regain your sense of self.   Learn how to (re)build your self-esteem via my page hypnosis online FAQ.

How self-esteem is shattered by infidelity

If your partner/spouse is having or has had an affair, it is understandable that you worry about what might be wrong with you.  Perhaps you have become acutely aware of your perceived 'short-comings'.  I really get that.

There hasn't been a client in your position who hasn't gone through the same turmoil, when they came to me to find out how to deal with rejection.

However, right now you need to give yourself a really good talking to, because:

• you are unlikely to find the real reason your husband/wife has cheated
• he/she may not even be entirely sure themselves and come up with ‘half-reasons’
• I have seen men and women reject the most beautiful/thoughtful/fantastic partners
• feeling down, you will have a very negative bias towards yourself – not the best time to review your attributes or characteristics!
• being very emotional 'locks' your attention on all the negativity - not very helpful either
• you are likely to 'misuse' your imagination by going over all the things you might have done wrong and how much better, more attractive and desirable the other woman/man must be.
  

If you want to start doing all you can to help repair your relationship/marriage straight away, then: Save My Marriage/Relationship will help you do just that. Lee Baucom, PhD is an expert in sorting relationships out - even if your partner doesn't appear to want to put the effort in.

Also, have a look at my review of Text The Romance Back helpful.

Effective methods of self-help

I have chosen a hypnosis track to help you with your feelings of rejection.  If you have plucked up the courage to ask someone out and have been rejected, or if you are besotted and hopelessly in love but can't have that person, then download Unrequited love via my page Hypnosis online FAQ.

If you are in a committed (long-term) relationship or married and feel rejected, than the download Mend Your Broken Heart may help you to recover.

These hypnosis downloads are a tremendous help when you want to get over the pain of rejection.  If you feel you have been 'replaced', pushed away, treated with contempt, undermined, 'passed over', ignored, not listened to or not understood, they will help to soothe the hurt in the shortest possible time.

Now ... if you feel pushed away, second best or 'replaced' because your partner is having an affair/has left you for someone else - you need another plan of action.  Visit my page: How to get your ex back for further information.

It can be terribly hurtful to feel rejected in an important relationship or by someone you would have wanted a relationship with.

What else can you do?

If the rejection has been a shock, see yourself through the initial couple of weeks as best you can – ideally with the help of friends and family.  When you are over the initial shock the following suggestions may help:

• learn to divert your attention away from negative thoughts
• postpone them to particular times in the day and set a time-limit
• give yourself permission and time – 20 minutes or so – to 'process' what has happened
• begin to re-engage with all the things you used to enjoy, even if it feels an effort
• do not isolate yourself for too long, even if that was helpful initially - when you are dealing with rejection, you need to have familiar and supportive people around you
• do not allow your doctor to put you on antidepressants (see useful links below)
• accept that you are grieving – which is very normal after a significant loss. No antidepressants needed for that!
• take this wonderful natural remedy: Melancholy Lift, which gives you a break from feelings of melancholy, sadness, grief and weepiness

When you want to know how to deal with rejection, you need to make a plan for yourself.  Write down in your diary what you are going to do differently for every day of the week.

You may also want to visit my page on: Signs of clinical depression.

How to handle rejection and build your self-esteem

Dealing with rejection can be really difficult, but having to find ways to handle rejection is part of life. You will get through it.

Any relationship advice on how to deal with rejection should include strategies for rebuilding your self-esteem. This is what you can do:

• engage in activities – mental or physical – that help you to feel a sense of achievement
• make a list of the things you want to achieve
• include small, medium and large goals – allow your mind to run freely
• make a start immediately with some of the smaller ones - this is one of the best ways I know for dealing with rejection
  
• motivate yourself by visualising what you would feel, see and hear when you achieve your goal
• do this often, let it be the last thought before you fall asleep
• focus on these goals should you wake up in the night!

Finally

You now know a little more about how to deal with rejection.  Decide for yourself what you need to do next.  Make a plan with an action list, specifying dates and times.

You may also be interested in:
Getting over a relationship Surviving infidelity How to deal with criticism Natural sleep remedies Insomnia and treatments How to end a relationship Facebook problems How to build your self-esteem

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