How to deal with rejection

Knowing how to deal with rejection will help you feel so much better, when you have feel rejected by an ending or by infidelity.

I imagine you have landed on this page because you are feeling really hurt. Rejection can come in many ways, but hope to be able to help you a bit in finding out how to deal with rejection.

Did you suspect it was going to happen?

It is possible that the rejection (including a request for divorce) came completely out of the blue.  You may have had no idea that things were that bad for your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend - you thought all was well.

Alternatively, your relationship may not have right for some time and deep down you may have been expecting a major fall-out.  Perhaps you have been puzzled why your partner has changed.  Maybe you thought what he/she was having a bit of a rough time, or perhaps you suspected an affair.

I am going to describe what I would anticipate you might be feeling.  I have been a counsellor for 20 years and have about 8000 client sessions under my belt - I have seen many people in situations similar to yours.  Just knowing that what you are going through is normal will hopefully help you to settle a bit.

What is a ‘normal’ reaction?

You reactions will to some degree depend on your specific circumstances of course.  The way in which you found out will also have a bearing.

However, the following ‘normal’ reaction is what I would generally expect to see in anyone who has just been given bad news:

• during the first few minutes you may have been speechless
• you may feel shaky - almost as if your legs won’t carry you
• your breathing might have changed and you could feel dizzy/faint
• you may feel sick
• you might have felt rooted to the ground
• equally you might have wanted to run away
• you may conscious of how much faster and harder your heart is beating
• sleeping, concentrating, remembering, thinking are all likely to be affected
• you might find it hard to eat anything

These symptoms are likely to slowly disappear in the following days, possibly replaced by a sense of gloom, sadness and lack of interest in anything.

After about 4 -6 weeks you should begin to see some light again.  Very slowly the periods that you feel a little better will become more frequent and they will last longer.  They may still be intermingled with really lousy days, but you are on the road to recovery.  Possibly men will recover quicker than women - on a scale of course and the reverse can also happen.

How rejection fuels insecurity

As human beings we have a strong need to feel secure. Your sense of security feels severely threatened and you may feel abandoned.

It is is completely understandable that you feel insecure and wonder when the next 'blow' will come and from which direction.

That sense of impending doom will eventually disappear. It is important that you don’t start to worry about that too much – I would expect it to happen.

If you are facing a divorce, there are very likely to be more events that require time to process and heal.

If you may have felt badly led down in previous relationships, rejection may now fuel your feeling that you are not worth having someone special.

How self-esteem is shattered

If your partner/spouse is having a relationship with someone else, you may particularly worry what on earth is wrong with you.  Or you may become acutely aware of your perceived 'short-comings'.  I really do understand that. However, right now you need to give yourself a really good talking to, because:

• you are unlikely to find the real reason your husband/wife has cheated
• he/she may not even be entirely sure themselves and come up with ‘half-reasons’
• I have seen men and women reject the most beautiful/thoughtful/fantastic partners
• feeling down, you will have a very negative bias – not the best time to review your attributes or characteristics!
• being very emotional locks your attention – on all the negativity - not very helpful either.
• you are likely to misuse your imagination by going over all the things you might have done wrong.

Insecurity in relationships Get over a relationship Unrequited love Don't be taken for granted Drift off to sleep

What else can you do?

There is no point in my suggesting positive affirmations!  They are unlikely to work at the best of times.

See yourself through the initial couple of weeks as best as you can – ideally with the help of friends and family.  When you are over the initial shock the following suggestions may help:

• learn to divert your attention away from negative thoughts
• postpone them to particular times in the day and set a time-limit
• give yourself permission and time – 20 minutes or so – to 'process' what has happened
• begin to re-engage with all the things you used to enjoy, even if it feels an effort
• do not isolate yourself for too long, even if that was helpful initially
• do not allow your doctor to put you on antidepressants (see useful links below)
• accept that you are grieving – very normal after a significant loss - no antidepressants needed for that!
• Start a new project that is really going to engage you by making the very best use your existing knowledge

Just in case I made the wrong choices for you, I have included the search box from HypnosisDownloads for you.  They literally have hundreds of massivly successful downloads.

How to handle rejection and build your self-esteem

Dealing with rejection can be really difficult, but having to find ways to handle rejection is part of life. You will get through it.

Now you want to start rebuilding your self-esteem. This is what you can do:

• engage in activities – mental or physical – that help you to feel a sense of achievement
• make a list of the things you want to achieve
• include small, medium and large goals – allow your mind to run freely
• make a start immediately with some of the smaller ones
• motivate yourself by visualising what you would feel, see and hear when you achieve your goal
• do this often, let it be the last thought before you fall asleep
• focus on these goals should you wake up in the night!
• get the building self-esteem hypnosis download.

Finally

You now know a little more about how to deal with rejection now.  Decide for yourself what you need to do next.  Make a plan with an action list, specifying dates and times.

Consider who might be able to help you to achieve your goals.  Coaching can really help you move on too - much quicker than you might by yourself.

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