How to deal with rejection

Part 1, Part 2

Knowing how to deal with rejection and what to do about it will help you to cope and recover more quickly. Rejection happens to us in so many ways and I'm here to help you handle it in love relationships.

If any of this happened to you (uuuuhm... I can almost guarantee you've had a deal with at least a couple of those - as I have too) I imagine you're feeling hurt, disappointed, perhaps angry and maybe even a failure. These are all normal feelings under the circumstances!

Whatever it is that brought you here, you'll find new ways of looking at the situation and specific strategies to help you feel better. Stick with me, I'm going to help you cope with that rejection.

You may want to come back to this page for any of the following reasons for being so painfully shunned:

... and so on.

Constantly feeling rejected or dismissed out of the blue?

That rejection could have come completely out of the blue or you were prepared for it.

Perhaps you have known for some time that your relationship hasn't been right. Deep down you may have been expecting a major fall-out.

Perhaps you’ve been puzzled by the way your partner has changed.  Maybe you thought that he or she was just having a bit of a rough time, or perhaps you suspected an affair.

If you've been getting the cold shoulder all of a sudden or for a while, I can understand if you're desperate to talk it through with someone you can trust. There's nothing more reassuring than some trustworthy advice on how to deal with the situation.

I've got your back. You can speak with an online relationship expert right now - from my site.

The utter pain of rejection

I cannot explain it any better than Prof Helen Fisher in this TED talk:

Suffered a sudden rejection?

Your feelings are part of your very personal response to either bad news or feeling let down by someone important to you.

To explain that - someone else in your position might have brushed it off, felt even worse or couldn't have cared less.

Your reaction will to some degree depend on your specific circumstances of course, including your relationship history.  The way in which you found out that you are no longer wanted or loved will also have a bearing.

However, the following ‘normal’ reactions - all on a scale - are what I would generally expect to see in anyone who has just been given really bad news:

  • during the first few minutes you may have felt unable to speak
  • you may have felt shaky
  • your breathing might have changed and perhaps you felt dizzy or faint
  • you might have felt rooted to the ground
  • equally you might have wanted to run away
  • you may have been conscious of how much faster and harder your heart was beating
  • you may still feel sick now
  • you might find it hard to eat anything
  • you're likely to find that your abilities to sleep, concentrate, remember and think are all affected
  • you may feel anxious about all sorts of things

Most of these symptoms are likely to slowly disappear in the following days, possibly replaced by a sense of gloom, sadness and lack of interest in anything (have a look at the remedy MelancholyLift, I think it'll be a real help).  

After a couple of weeks you should begin to see some light again.  Very slowly the periods that you feel a little better will become more frequent and last longer.

After 4 - 6 weeks you’ll be getting on with things again, and feeling you are beginning to recover.  'Good' days may still be intermingled with really lousy days, but you are on the right track towards dealing with your rejection.

On the whole men recover more quickly than women. Men’s memory doesn’t naturally hold onto emotionally laden material.  However, I have seen this reversed many a time in my counselling practice.

Dealing with rejection and insecurity

As human beings we have a strong need to feel secure.  But after you’ve been rejected your sense of security is threatened, you may feel abandoned, scared and / or hopeless. 

It’s no wonder that these feelings can so often lead to insecurity. You may be wondering when the next 'blow' with bad news and painful emotions will come and from which direction.

It's important that you don’t start to worry about feeling 'fragile' as well - under the circumstances it's normal to feel vulnerable. And that sense of impending doom will eventually disappear.

Criticism and rejection are very much part of life - everyone gets criticised and rejected!

But..., just in case it has happened once too often, you may want to have a look at my relationship test. It can help you to judge whether or not it is time to leave or what you can do to improve it.

How rejection fuels insecurity

I don't want anyone who doesn't want me. Oprah Winfrey

If you have felt badly led down in previous relationships - however old you were and for whatever reason - rejection now may fuel your feeling that you are ‘not worthy’ of having someone special.

It may also be that you have felt rejected over a period of time - perhaps in the bedroom, or by your partner generally treating you with contempt.

If that sense of worthlessness does not pass, please promise me that you'll find some professional help.  Counselling can really help you to 'find yourself' again and discover how to deal with rejection, because as much as it hurts, it unfortunately is part of life.

If counselling is not an option for you - for whatever reason - I can think of no better way than online self-hypnosis to help you regain your sense of self.  You can learn how to (re)build your self-esteem via my page Hypnosis Online FAQ.

An opportunity? Really?

Don't forget, it may actually be a blessing that you were let down, thrown out, cast by the way-side or replaced! Perhaps, if you looked deep into your heart, you knew you were in the wrong relationship or that you had 'lost yourself', however much you loved that person.

Read on in Part 2 to discover how to heal the pain if you're feeling rejected because your partner has had an affair, and for help and advice on rebuilding your sense of self again.

Part 1, Part 2