How to deal with rejection

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Knowing how to deal with rejection - what to do about it - will help you to cope and recover quicker.  However, if you feel rejected - by an ending, by infidelity, by criticism, by being 'brushed off' or by being ignored - having some understanding, and some strategies to see you through can be a real lifeline.

I imagine you are feeling really hurt right now.  I hope I am going to be able to help you discover how to cope with rejection, and stop it happening again.  You may therefore also want to explore links further down, such as How to get over a relationship, cheating, insomnia, depression, dealing with criticism, etc.

Constantly rejected or all of a sudden?

It is possible that the rejection (including a request for divorce) came completely out of the blue.  You may have had no idea that things were that bad for your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend - you thought all was well in your relationship or marriage, save for the odd arguments.

Alternatively, your relationship may not have right for some time and deep down you may have been expecting a major fall-out.  Perhaps you have been puzzled why your partner has changed.  Maybe you thought what he/she was having a bit of a rough time, or perhaps you suspected an affair.  I would therefore suggest you take my relationship test - see: End relationship quiz

Feeling hurt, angry, disappointed, let down are normal feelings when you feel rejected - no wonder your self-esteem suffers.

What is a ‘normal’ reaction

You reactions will to some degree depend on your specific circumstances of course.  The way in which you found out that you are no longer wanted or loved will also have a bearing.

However, the following ‘normal’ reaction is what I would generally expect to see in anyone who has just been given really bad news:

• during the first few minutes you may have felt unable to even speak
• you may have felt shaky - almost as if your legs won’t carry you
• your breathing might have changed and perhaps you felt dizzy/faint
• you might have felt rooted to the ground
• equally you might have wanted to run away
• you may have been conscious of how much faster and harder your heart was beating
• you may still feel sick now
• you might find it hard to eat anything
• sleeping, concentrating, remembering, thinking are all likely to be affected

These symptoms are likely to slowly disappear in the following days, possibly replaced by a sense of gloom, sadness and lack of interest in anything.

After a couple of weeks you should begin to see some light again.  Very slowly the periods that you feel a little better will become more frequent and they will last longer.  Between 4 to 6 weeks you will be getting on with things again, feeling you are beginning to make a recovery.  'Good' days may still be intermingled with really lousy days, but you are on the road to recovery.

On the whole - men recover quicker than women.  Their memory is not as geared up to hold on to emotionally laden material - on a scale of course and it is very possible that the reaction is reversed in your case.

How to deal with rejection and insecurity

As human beings we have a strong need to feel secure. You feel your sense of security is threatened; you may feel abandoned, scared and/or hopeless.

Feeling so rejected, perhaps abandoned, it is understandable that you feel insecure.  You maybe wondering when the next 'blow' with bad news, painful emotions, will come and from which direction.

It is important that you don’t start to worry about feeling 'fragile' as well – I expect it to happen - it is completely 'normal' right now.  That sense of impending doom will eventually disappear.

If you are married and you facing a divorce, you are likely to encounter more events that can completely unsettle you.  Each one will require time to process and heal.

How rejection fuels insecurity

If you have felt badly led down in previous relationships - however old you were and for whatever reason, rejection now may fuel your feeling that you are not worth having someone special.

It may also be that you have felt rejected over a period of time - perhaps in the bedroom, or by your partner/spouse generally treating you with contempt.

If that sense of worthlessness does not pass, please promise me that you find some professional help.  Counselling can really help you to 'find yourself' again and discover how to deal with rejection, because it is part of life.

If counselling is not an option for you - for whatever reason -  I can think of no better way than self hypnosis online.  I am very happy being able to recommend the HypnosisDownloads.com people to help sooth you and help you regain your sense of self.   Learn how to (re)build your self-esteem via my page hypnosis online FAQ.

How self-esteem is shattered by infidelity

If your partner/spouse is having/has had an affair, it is understandable that you worry what on earth is wrong with you.  Perhaps you have become acutely aware of your perceived 'short-comings'.  I really get that.

There hasn't been a client in your position who hasn't gone through the same turmoil, when they came to me to find out how to deal with rejection.

However, right now you need to give yourself a really good talking to, because:

• you are unlikely to find the real reason your husband/wife has cheated
• he/she may not even be entirely sure themselves and come up with ‘half-reasons’
• I have seen men and women reject the most beautiful/thoughtful/fantastic partners
• feeling down, you will have a very negative bias towards yourself – not the best time to review your attributes or characteristics!
• being very emotional 'locks' your attention – on all the negativity - not very helpful either
• you are likely to 'misuse' your imagination by going over all the things you might have done wrong and how much better, more attractive and desirable the other woman/man is.

If you want to start doing all you can to help repair your relationship/marriage straight, then: Save My Marriage/Relationship will help you do just that. Lee Baucom, PhD is an expert in sorting relationships out - even if your partner doesn't appear to want to put the effort in.  Watch out though - he has a thing or two to say about badly trained 'couple counsellors' (thank goodness that doesn't include me!)

Effective methods of self-help

I have chosen a hypnosis track to help you with your feeling rejected.  If you had plugged up the courage to ask someone out or even wanted to take them out, if you are besotted, hopelessly in love, but can't have that person, then download Unrequited love via my page Hypnosis online FAQ.

If you are in a committed (long-term) relationship/married and feel rejected, than the download Mend Your Broken Heart would help you to recover fast.

These hypnosis downloads are a tremendous help when you want to get over the pain of rejection.  If you feel you have been 'replaced', pushed away, treated with contempt, undermined, 'passed over', ignored, not listened to, not understood - you will want to know how to stop feeling so hurt in the shortest possible time.

Now ... if you feel pushed away, second best or 'replaced' because your partner is having an affair/has left you for someone else - you need another plan of action.  Visit my page: How to get your ex back for further information.

It can be terribly hurtful to feel rejected in an important relationship or by someone you would have wanted a relationship with.

What else can you do?

There is no point in my suggesting positive affirmations!  They are unlikely to work at the best of times, let alone when you are desperate to find out how to deal with rejection.

If the rejection has been a shock, see yourself through the initial couple of weeks as best as you can – ideally with the help of friends and family.  When you are over the initial shock the following suggestions may help:

• learn to divert your attention away from negative thoughts
• postpone them to particular times in the day and set a time-limit
• give yourself permission and time – 20 minutes or so – to 'process' what has happened
• begin to re-engage with all the things you used to enjoy, even if it feels an effort
• do not isolate yourself for too long, even if that was helpful initially - when you are dealing with rejection, you need to have familiar/supportive people around you
• do not allow your doctor to put you on antidepressants (see useful links below)
• accept that you are grieving – very normal after a significant loss - no antidepressants needed for that!

When you want to know how to deal with rejection, you need to make a plan for yourself.  Write down in your diary what you are going to do differently for every day of the week.

How to handle rejection and build your self-esteem

Dealing with rejection can be really difficult, but having to find ways to handle rejection is part of life. You will get through it.

Any relationship advice on how to deal with rejection should include strategies for rebuilding your self-esteem. This is what you can do:

• engage in activities – mental or physical – that help you to feel a sense of achievement
• make a list of the things you want to achieve
• include small, medium and large goals – allow your mind to run freely
• make a start immediately with some of the smaller ones - this is one of the best ways I know when you are looking for how to deal with rejection
  
• motivate yourself by visualising what you would feel, see and hear when you achieve your goal
• do this often, let it be the last thought before you fall asleep
• focus on these goals should you wake up in the night!

Finally

You now know a little more about how to deal with rejection now.  Decide for yourself what you need to do next.  Make a plan with an action list, specifying dates and times.

You may also be interested in:
Getting over a relationship Surviving infidelity How to deal with criticism Natural sleep remedies Insomnia and treatments How to end a relationship Facebook problems

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