What to
expect in couples counselling
or marriage guidance
Can you expect to get the relationship you want?
In couple counselling or relationship counselling
the counsellor aims to give you both equal time and attention.
This will help you each to get your side of the story across, without
interruptions or rows.
Marriage guidance or relationship counselling can still be very
helpful even if your
partner does not want to come. The counsellor will help
you without judging either one of you and remain aware of 'the empty
seat'.
How can marriage guidance counselling help?
To help
you
decide what the future might hold for you each one of
you and/or for you as a couple, you are both encouraged and supported
to:
- explain your hopes, dreams, worries and concerns
- understand each other better
- manage differences of
opinion
- improve relationship communication
- explore whether there is still hope or whether to end the
relationship
- talk more and differently to improve marital harmony
- learn problem solving techniques
- identify your ’wants’ and needs
- identify what is works well in your relationship/marriage – there
are always things that you are doing really well!
- move on from the disappointments, hurts and anger
- move on if it is your decision
to end the relationship/marriage
- identify your own individual resources and how best to use them
- identify your resources as a couple
- explore the impact of ending your relationship - positive and
negative
- heal and move on when you are getting over an affair
- learn about differences in male and female brains
- get to know yourself better
A couple counsellor knows that often one of the partners is coming
along reluctantly for relationship counselling; he/she will make every
effort to help that person feel at ease.
What not to expect from relationship counselling
What you will NOT get in
relationship counselling is:
- advice to end your relationship, without your having come to
that conclusion yourself
(though your counsellor will discuss your
options with you, particularly if you are in an abusive relationship)
- an opinion on your partner/wife/husband in terms of ‘good’ or
‘bad’
- destructive criticism about behaviours/actions/opinions
- hope that your counsellor can change your partner
Your partner won’t come for counselling?
Often one of the partners does
not
want
to come for counselling, for whatever reason. Very often
that is the male partner. If you really think that relationship
counselling can help and your husband/wife won't come - start by
yourself. He/she may decide to join you at a later stage.
Individual counselling can still help you to:
- consider and help to manage the effects of changes in you/your
circumstances/your decisions on the people around you
- explore the role you
might play in your relationship problem - without judgment
- explore your options in terms of your future
- improve your communication skills if necessary
- identify and deal with any personal, as well as
marital/relationship problems
- get support if you or your partner end your
relationship/marriage, from someone who is completely independent
Have the relationship you want
Often
couples present with a
number of difficulties. Arguing, general communication problems,
issues with in-laws, financial problems, problems with the children
and/or sexual problems.
It may seem difficult to get the relationship you want when it feels
so much is stacked up against you.
However, if you are both committed to sorting things out, there is
every chance that you can have the relationship you want with the help
of a couple counsellor.
Sorting out your personal stuff is very likely to have a positive
impact on your relationship too. You may have been trying to
pretend you are over those
emotional problems for years! However, deep down you know that they are still
there.
Just think how much better you could be feeling if you finally dealt
with all that 'stuff'. It could release
emotional and physical energy that you could really do with investing
in other areas of your life. It may contribute to having the
relationship you want!
No other way but to end the relationship/marriage?
Perhaps you have
tried
all you can to try to save your relationship/marriage. Maybe you
can see no other way forward but to end your relationship.
If you are ending your relationship I anticipate that you might be
struggling for a while - emotionally for sure, but also socially and
financially. It is
completely normal at that time to suffer grief, feel low/depressed, out
of control, angry, upset, etc.
Don’t let anybody tell you when you should be over that!
Telephone counselling can help you to feel less alone with it
all with my being, in a way, almost right next to you.
Return from What to Expect in Couples Counselling to Contact and Services
Return from What
to Expect in Couples Counseling to Home at Mind and Relationship Matters
You may also be interested in:
How to find a counsellor
Human givens therapy
The human givens
Divorce advice and counselling
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Images
courtesy of: 1 Unknown; 2 Julia
Freeman-Woolpert; 3 Unknown
Organisations that offer couple counselling:
Asian Family Counselling Service
British
Association
for Sexual and Relationship Therapy
Couple Counselling Scotland
The
Tavistock Centre for Couple Relationships
Marriage
Care
Scottish Marriage Care
Marriage Resource
Relate
Relate
Northern
Ireland
The
Jewish Marriage Council
Two as One