What to expect in couples counselling
Answering marriage/couples counseling questions

Marriage guidance, pre marriage counselling and couple counselling

What to expect In couple counselling - marriage guidance counselling, relationship counselling or pre marriage counselling the counsellor aims to give you both equal time and attention. This will help you each to get your side of the story across, without interruptions or rows.

Marriage counselling or relationship counselling can be very helpful even if your partner does not want to come. The marriage/couple/relationship counsellor will help you without judging either one of you and remain aware of 'the empty seat'.

Not at all keen on couples counselling? I know there are lots of reasons why people don't like the idea of counselling. Save My Marriage/Relationship is THE solution for you. I have to warn you though. Lee Baucom, PhD has no regard for badly trained couple counsellors! However, I do agree that an awful lot of counsellors 'dabble' in couple counselling. They think that they can do the job, based on their training in counselling individuals. WRONG! Couple counselling is very different!

Not sure at all that you want to save your relationship/marriage? This end of relationship quiz will help you think through all the important issues so that you can make the right decision.

How can marriage guidance or pre marriage counseling help?

Marriage or couples counselling can help you decide what the future might hold for each one of you and for you as a couple. In marriage counselling you are encouraged and supported to:

explain your hopes, dreams, worries and concerns
understand each other better - one of the greatest benefits of couple counselling
manage differences of opinion
improve relationship communication
explore whether there is still hope or whether to end the relationship
talk more and differently to improve marital harmony
learn problem solving techniques
identify your ’wants’ and needs
identify what is works well in your relationship/marriage – there are always things that you are doing really well!
move on from the disappointments, hurts and anger
move on if it is your decision to end the relationship/marriage
identify your own individual resources and how best to use them
identify your resources as a couple
explore the impact of ending your relationship - positive and negative
heal and move on when you are getting over an affair
learn about differences in male and female brains
get to know yourself better

A couple counsellor knows that often one of the partners is coming along reluctantly for relationship or marriage counselling; he/she will make every effort to help that person feel at ease.

What not to expect from couple/marriage counselling

What you will NOT get in relationship or couples counselling is:

advice to end your relationship, without your having come to that conclusion yourself (though your counsellor will discuss your options with you, particularly if you are in an abusive relationship)
an opinion on your partner/wife/husband in terms of ‘good’ or ‘bad’
destructive criticism about behaviours/actions/opinions
hope that your counsellor can change your partner

Stay Or Walk Away?

Are you a health provider/professional?

Learn how the couple dynamics impact on your client/patient. See: Couple counselling workshop testimonials.

Your partner won’t come for couples counselling?

Often one of the partners does not want to come for couple counselling, for whatever reason. Very often that is the male partner. If you really think that relationship or marriage counselling can help and your husband/wife won't come - start by yourself. He/she may decide to join you at a later stage.

Individual counselling can still help you to:

consider and help to manage the effects of changes in you/your circumstances/your decisions on the people around you
explore the role you might play in your relationship problem - without judgment
explore your options in terms of your future
improve your communication skills if necessary
identify and deal with any personal, as well as marital/relationship problems
get support if you or your partner end your relationship/marriage, from someone who is completely independent

Questions about hypnosis? See: Hypnosis online FAQ.

Pre-marriage counselling

Having the relationship you want Pre-marriage counseling is a really good idea before you tie the knot. Arguing, general communication problems, issues with in-laws, financial problems, problems with the children if it is this is not your first marriage and/or sexual problems can be sorted before you take the big step and you commit yourself.

It may seem difficult to get the relationship you want when it seems so much is stacked up against you. You may feel it is impossible to stop the marriage preparations. The thought of telling your your future wife or husband that you are worried may fill you with horror. Yet in secret you wonder if you should go ahead with it all.

The good news is that you could perhaps consider talking to him/her about making a really positive step. You are much more likely to get a positive answer if you say you want to invest in the marriage by going for pre marriage counselling.

If you are both committed to sorting things out, there is every chance that you can have the relationship/marriage you want. A couple/marriage counsellor can help you on your way.

Taking responsibility for 'personal stuff'

Sorting out your personal stuff is very likely to have a positive impact on your relationship/marriage. You may have been trying to pretend you are over those emotional problems for years! However, deep down you know that they are still there.

Just think how much better you could be feeling if you finally dealt with all that 'stuff' - traumas and difficulties in the past. It could release emotional and physical energy that you could re-invest in other areas of your life. It is very likely contribute to your having the relationship you want.

No other way but to end the relationship/marriage?

What to expect Perhaps you have tried all you can to try to save your relationship/marriage. Maybe you can see no other way forward but to end your relationship.

If you are ending your relationship I anticipate that you might be struggling for a while - emotionally for sure, but also socially and financially. It is completely normal at that time to suffer grief, feel low/depressed, out of control, angry, upset, etc.

Don’t let anybody tell you when you should be over that! Telephone counselling can help you to feel less alone with it all with my being, in a way, almost right next to you.

All your marriag counselling questions answered?

A couple counsellor should be happy to talk with you on the phone about what you can expect. He/she is unlikely to have a lengthy conversation with you about your difficulties so as not to start with a knowledge about the problem from one partner's perspective. However, you would be very welcome to chat about what it is like to come for couple counselling or pre marriage counseling.

Really not keen going for couples counselling? Want to have another go at trying to sort it yourself? See: Save my Marriage/Relationship.

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