How to find a counsellor
Incl: finding a marriage counsellor

How to find a registered and accredited counsellor

I am going to help you deal with the confusion about what kind of counsellor you might want to consider working with.  I suspect that you are feeling quite upset right now and you could really do with someone guiding you through the mire of who to contact.

If you live outside of the UK, scroll past the first couple of paragraphs - there is plenty of information that applies wherever you live.

For more specific information about different needs in counselling, see:

Qualifications

At the very least you will want to ensure that your counsellor has the right qualifications, is insured and is accredited with a professional organisation.

This is how you can find the details of counselors in your area:

• Contact specialist organisations or HG therapists.
• Look in your local directories under “counselling and advice”.
• Ask your family doctor about NHS counselling.
• Ask your employer if there is an Employee Assistance Scheme.
• Ask people who you know have been for counselling.
• Contact the two following professional counselling organisations:

These are the organisations I am personally registered with.  The BACP website includes references to other organisations.

How do I know a particular counsellor is ‘right’ for me?

The information on this page is a guide.  Trust that you know who is right for you - you will have a 'feeling' of who you would like to see.  When you speak to the counsellor on the telephone, what is your first impression?  Is she/he taking the time to talk to you, happy to answer your questions?  Read on for detailed guidance on how to find the right counsellor for you.

What you should look for in a counsellor

Here are my suggestions for questions you might like to ask the counsellor you have decided to contact.  Pick the one that you feel confident in asking and/or that are particularly important to you.  I have explained why it is useful to ask that particular question.

• Are you registered or accredited?  By which organisation?

  Make a note of the answer - just in case you would to ring that organisation at any time for further information.

• Have you completed your training as a (couple) counsellor/therapist?

  A counsellor in training may be excellent at what she does, perhaps building on previous experience in another related job.  However, you should know whether or not they are still in training.  If you want to find a marriage counsellor (couples or relationship counselor), please make sure that your counsellor has actually trained as a couple counsellor.  Many counsellors decide to offer couple counsellor without having had any or sufficient training.
  

• How did you gain your qualifications?

  You really don't want someone who has done their training through a distance/on-line course.

• How long have you been practising as a (couple) counselor?

  Counsellors may have been practising for a number of years.  However, that does not necessarily mean that they have a lot of experience.  Particularly if they have only ever been in private practice they may not actually have seen that many clients.

• How flexible are you with appointments?

  This is particularly important if you are working shifts or if you rely on other people for childcare.  Some counsellors or organisations might expect you to keep to a certain day/time.
  
  

  Stay Or Walk Away?

  
  
  

• How long do the sessions last and do you normally start and finish on time?

  Some counsellors are not concerned about extending a session.  That means that you may become anxious about commitments arranged for after the session.

• What will the frequency be of the sessions?

  Most counsellors will want you to commit to one session a week.  I personally (and indeed most human givens therapists) don't find it necessary for you to commit to weekly sessions.

• How many counselling sessions am I likely to need?

  Well ... this may be a little bit like: how long is a piece of string?  However, the counsellor should give you some indication.  Some will be of the opinion that you will need many months or years to really benefit, or even to begin to feel better.  Those that do mainly short-term solution focused work are more likely to give you an average number of sessions.

• How much does counselling/psychotherapy costs?

  This varies according to where you live, what approach the counsellor takes, how experienced he/she is and the length of the session.  He/she may offer reduced fees if you are a student or are in receipt of benefits

• Will the focus be mainly on my past, or on resolving present difficulties?

The counsellor's approach may mean that the sessions will be mainly focused on your past.  You want to think carefully about whether that would suit you.  Is that likely to help you feel better?  It may or may not.  Certainly if you have suffered a very recent trauma, this approach is not advised.

• Are you trained to/able to treat conditions such as OCD, anxiety, single event traumas?

  The counsellor may or may not have any idea on how to deal with particular conditions.  Some will consider that once you have dealt with any 'underlying' difficulties, those problems will be sorted too.

• Do you adhere to a recognised Code of Conduct?

  This is a given, if your counsellor belongs to a recognised professional organisation.

• What counselling theory or approach do you use?  Can you explain that?

  See below.

What is meant by 'theory'

If you are interested in being able to distinguish between different theories in counselling / psychotherapy (a minefield!), then do ask the person you contact how exactly he/she works.

Counsellors and therapists are trained in different 'approaches'.  How one counsellor 'approaches' you and your problem is likely to differ from another's, according to how they are trained and how much experience they have.

Research has shown though that most experienced counsellors use skills/knowledge from different approaches.  It seems that they naturally work more in line with the human givens.

It is also very useful if your counsellor has some idea on how the brain works!

What you should know after the first session

• whether you feel you can trust the counsellor
• whether you feel you can get on/feel comfortable with her/him
• if the counsellor is trained and/or experienced with your problem
• notice of, and payment for, canceled sessions
• flexibility in timing and frequency of sessions
• if the counsellor generally does short-term or long-term work
• how many sessions you can have if they are funded
• frequency and length of further sessions.
• if attending as a couple, can you have some separate sessions
• if you can come without your partner unannounced
• if the counsellor starts working with you on your problem at the very first session, or if that session is an assessment only

Why do I need an ‘assessment’?

Your first session should ideally be used to begin to deal with the problems, rather than just being an assessment. You do not have to commit yourself at this stage – it is fine to say you would like to think about it before committing yourself. You are also ‘assessing’ the counsellor!

Questions about ending counselling?

I have noticed that people submit questions to search engines about ending counselling.  These requests may of course come from counsellors who are training.

However, just in case you, as a client, are wondering how to end the counselling - read on for further information.

Ending counselling sessions or a course of counselling?

You may have questions about ending the counselling relationship.  It is sometimes difficult to know how to end the counselling, particularly when you have built a good relationship with your counsellor.

Here are some questions that may help you to decide how to think through and articulate your wish to finish counselling.

• Have you talked to your counsellor about ending? 
• How difficult is it to bring the matter of ending up and why?
• What does that say about your relationship with the counsellor?
• How comfortable do you feel with the counsellor?
• Is the counselling actually helping you?
  
• Is it making a noticeable difference?
• Did you and your counsellor decide on a specific number of session to start with?
• Have you talked about ending the counselling relationship, but the counsellor is resisting an ending?
• Have you perhaps reached a really difficult stage and are perhaps a little scared?  Have you talked that through with your counsellor?
• Do you feel angry with your counsellor for any reason?  If so, have you been able to tell your counsellor/therapist how you feel?

If you are really not sure, you may like to discuss it with someone independent.  You can do that, in confidence, by contacting the organisation your counsellor belongs to.

Finding the right counsellor or psychotherapist

It is really important that you find the right person.  If you are really unhappy after the first session - don't give up on counselling.  Go through the process again.  If it has taken ages for you to pluck up the courage to even call someone, than keep that momentum going.  You have done it once now, you know now know how to find a (marriage guidance or relationship) counsellor!

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