Are you (still) truly compatible, or is it time to end your relationship?

By Updated: 08-11-2017

Doubts about your relationship? Not sure if you should stay together - whether you're married or not?

How do you know what the signs are that your relationship is on a sliding slope and that there's no longer any hope of fixing it?

Of course you want to be happy. You want to be able to love and be loved freely, without any qualms. The feeling that all is not well can be really scary and unsettling.

Here's my take on it...

You are as unique and amazing as any star in the sky - there is no one in the world like you. You deserve to have a truly rewarding and happy relationship with someone just right for you! And so does your partner.

The question is... are you with that person right now? Are the two of you truly compatible? And would you be willing to do the work to find out?

Stay or walk away, love and marriage compatibility test

All too often couples think they know what the problem is, but as a couples therapist I frequently uncovered underlying factors at the root of their issues which were causing them much unhappiness.

If it turns out that the two of you have much in common, you are compatible and you identify precisely where the real pressure points are in your relationship, then there is a good chance you can repair it.

The question is... are you compatible enough and is your relationship stable enough to make it work?

Discontent is the first necessity of progress."

Albert Einstein

I can help you find out

I am a qualified and experienced couples therapist, accredited with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.

I have helped well over 2,000 individuals and couples during my 24 years as a therapist.

I gained my qualification with the largest and most respected expert UK couple counselling organisation, RELATE. I worked for Relate for 11 years and had a private practice for 22 years.

This relationship test is for you if one or more of the following apply...

  • You're stuck in a rut and keep mulling over the same problems
  • You're wondering if you're better off without your partner
  • You keep spending more and more time imagining what life would be like if you left
  • You keep telling your partner what's bothering you, but you may as well be talking to the wall
  • You now suffer in silence, but find it increasingly difficult to be 'nice', or...
  • You feel permanently irritated and respond in ways you don't even like yourself
  • You can no longer 'be yourself' in this relationship, you feel you're living a lie
  • You worry that the two of you are no longer - or never were - truly compatible
  • You suspect, or know, your partner is having an affair and wonder if your relationship can survive

Do you recognise yourself or your situation in any of the above?

If so, take action! Get my relationship test to find out if it's time to break up - or what you can do to save your relationship.

Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it's a thing to be achieved."

William Jennings Bryan, 41st United States Secretary of State

Decide on your next step

  • A relationship breakup is always heart-wrenching, regardless of which one of you is the instigator. Second and third marriages are even more at risk of ending in a divorce. Would you really want that for yourself?
  • It's even harder if you have children. You only have to imagine having to sit them down and telling them what’s going to happen to know that it will cut right through your heart and theirs.
  • Splitting up is also expensive as you may need to cover the cost of childcare, a house move resulting in two homes and cars, legal bills, maintenance payments and so on, possibly with reduced working hours. 
  • Sadly all too often the break up is irreversible should you change your mind after all (and yes, that does happen!).

At least by taking this test you can feel secure that you've come to a decision using the best knowledge, awareness and understanding you have at this time. This is really important for your future happiness. It's also important for your children - regardless of their age (if indeed you have children). I can assure you that they'll ask questions about your decisions when you least expect it. Be prepared!

Miriam Chachamu

"It may show to some that actually, their problems aren't so bad, in the greater context."

Miriam Chachamu, Family Therapist, Trainer, Speaker
Author of "How to Calm a Challenging Child", London

Is the test right for you?

If you can answer any of the following questions with a "YES" then it most probably is!

  • Do you often feel hurt, let down, frustrated, angry or simply bored?
  • Have you stopped laughing and talking together like you used to?
  • Are you feeling guilty about even considering ending your relationship or marriage?
  • Do issues from the past keep coming up without ever being resolved?
  • Are there warning signs that your partner isn't happy?
  • Is he or she having an affair?
  • Do you feel taken for granted?
  • Is your partner pushing for more commitment than you're ready for?
  • Are you worried you’re not compatible - sexually, emotionally, socially or spiritually?
  • Do you have 'sexual relations' instead of making love - if indeed you have sex at all?
  • Are you living like 'brother and sister' or friends, without passion?
  • Does your head tell you to end it while your heart says that you want it to work - or vice versa?
  • Are you nevertheless wishing and hoping it could work out?
  • Are you reluctant to end it because you still care for him or her?
  • Do you feel guilty for considering a separation because your partner is basically a 'good' person?
  • Do you think you've married the wrong person?
  • Are you married or in a long-term relationship, but you don't want to live the rest of your life like 'this'?
  • Are you simply not sure what it is, but deep down you've got doubts about this relationship?

At the same time you may be worried about starting all over again, perhaps not finding anybody to share your life with or not being able to cope on your own.

Have you answered "YES" to any of the above?

Then take my relationship compatibility test. Find out if your relationship can still be saved or if it's time for a break.

4 Reasons why this test might NOT be suitable for you

I wouldn't want you to waste your time and energy (not your money - that would be refunded if you're not 100% happy with the test). Therefore, I want you to know upfront that this test is probably not right for you if...

  1. ... you're not open to learning something new about: 
    your relationship,
    your partner,
    yourself and ...
    what's really important in relationships in general
  2. ... you're not in a serious intimate couple relationship
  3. ... you're a qualified and experienced (couple) counsellor (unless of course you want to use it as a tool with your clients)
  4. ... you've already read extensively about relationships
Stay or walk away?

What will have happened by the end of the test...

  • you're likely to feel relieved - you've taken the right action
  • you'll have discovered a new sense of purpose and direction
  • you will have immediately actionable steps

You'll have gained...

  • increased relationship knowledge and awareness - you'll 'see' and understand relationships in a new way 
  • improved self-knowledge and awareness - you'll have improved your emotional intelligence, and see and understand yourself in a new way
  • confirmation of personal insights - your "I knew it" thoughts, but also...
  • ... new discoveries - the things your friends might have seen long ago
  • tips, advice and strategies on what you should be doing next
  • you're most likely to have come to a decision (there can't ever be a 100% certainty)
  • the confidence that you can explain your point of view, wants, needs and decisions clearly, if and when needed (not only to your partner, but also to your children, family and friends should the situation arise)

Praise (received by email)

This is the most authentic and honest approach I have seen about relationships.

- Wendy

Click here for further information...

"This is exactly what I was after,
a simple to understand key to unlocking the mess that was my mind
and putting it to more productive use!"

Katie Bourne