What causes divorce?

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

This is Part 3 of this series of articles on what causes divorce. If you've landed here first, do be sure to start with Part 1 and Part 2 for a look at the Causes of Divorce. I'll still be here when you come back, and we can look at how you can make the process as painless as you possibly can.

How to limit your distress during all stages of divorce

It's tempting to blame your partner, yourself, someone else or ‘the situation’. However, blaming just increases your sense of helplessness, creates more conflict and damages your children. Ultimately it'll also just fatten your solicitor’'s wallet! (By the way, if you're struggling to find good legal help, do check out my article with tips on How to Choose a Lawyer.)

To help divert your thoughts from blame, I really recommend hypnosis. One particular hypnosis download - Soothing the Bitterness of Divorce - will help you get through without thinking that you're 'going mad'.

Once you begin to calm down

I know this is unlikely to happen early on, but over time try to take responsibility for the role you played in your marriage - without judgment. Even if only for the fact that you chose and married your partner!

Dare to own up, graciously if you can, to your ‘contribution’ - at least to yourself if not to your partner. That'll help you to feel a little more in control and move on a little quicker.

Divorce: dream big, live small


Common reasons for and causes of divorce probably don't matter to you personally. It's you relationship compatibility and your personal situation that really do matter.  

It's also important that you and your family get through this difficult time relatively unscathed, if only to speed up your recovery. That'll mean that you're all able to move onwards and upwards, to happier times.

Try to think of a reason why you want to get through with the least amount of damage to everybody involved.

... What will it be?  
... What will cause you to keep strong when the going gets tough?
... How can you come through all this with your head held high?  

These are the most important questions when you are going through the process of separation and divorce.

Fretting about the reasons for your divorce aren't going to help you right now - that is for later, when the dust has settled. 

You will get through this!

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Related Articles

How to Improve Your Communication in Your Relationship
This is How You Survive Infidelity
This is How You Avoid Having to Take Prescribed Sleep Medication
Are You Bored in Your Relationship?
Before You Divorce...
Do You Recognise Any of These Stages of Alcoholism?
Before You Consider Taking Revenge for Your Divorce...
How to find the Best Divorce Lawyer
Children in the Middle

Other Helpful Links

Directgov - Getting a divorce
Journal of Family Issues - study on motives for divorce

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Elly Prior

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