I know I can help with ways to save a marriage - yours. I am a couple counsellor with 24 years experience. I've helped thousands of individuals and couples over all those years.
If your relationship is crumbling right now, here are some ways to repair it...
I know... the latter is a harsh one, particularly if you are already feeling vulnerable. However, you have no control over your partner - you really can only change yourself! Taking personal responsibility is one of the best ways to save a marriage or long-term relationship. In fact, it can be so healing of any relationship.
Think you maybe falling out of love? Not sure that you're with the right partner? Take my marriage compatibility test.
Here are some very basic steps - ways to save your marriage. They are behaviours and attitudes to can contribute to a happy marriage. Below you'll find relationship advice on how to save your marriage by implementing some 'common-sense' principles. These will not only benefit your partner, but will help you too to feel good about yourself.
In addition have a look at my pages Relationship Problems and
Reasons for Divorce.
There you'll find information on the relationship issues that most
commonly lead to marital strife together with links to articles
with free relationship advice. So, plenty ways to save a
marriage or relationship!
Below are the most simple, but powerful, strategies for a successful relationship. Along with the advice above, they will help you when you're desperately searching for "how to save our marriage".
Make more positive and personal comments to your partner or spouse, this is a great way to help save a marriage with surprising results. We all know how easy it can be to talk about the diary entries, the chores, the house, the garden, the kids, the awful boss, the difficult colleague and all the stuff you don't like about each other.
Compliments work great if you are specific and honest. Make sure that you can field any questions in the right frame of mind.
When you compliment, don't for example say: "You look nice", instead say something like: "I really like the cut and colour of that dress/that shirt - it so suits your shape/personality - it makes you look sophisticated/sexy."
Say something positive about your partner's accomplishments: whether it was cooking dinner, attending or speaking a meeting, dealing with a fractious child, getting promotion or sailing around the world. Again be very specific about what you noticed or admired.
Go ahead and compliment your spouse about:
This really helps you to focus on all the positive aspects in your relationship rather than the difficulties you may be experiencing.
Professor John Gottman has found through his extensive research that couples who maintain five positive experiences for every negative one have the most stable marriage*.
However, if your marriage is very close to breaking up, you need to do much more! Take action now! Have a look at Ways to Save A Marriage from my colleague Lee Baucom, PhD.
Of course, I can totally understand you'd rather speak to someone about your troubles! You can do that right here.
Truly listen to your partner or spouse when he or she talks about something that interests them - you can show an interest in them, even if the subject doesn't interest you
Show interest in what your partner does, without criticism, telling them what they should or shouldn't be doing
Share your experiences of your day with your spouse, leaving out complaints which don't add anything to their day
Listen to the very music you listened to when you first met and reminisce
Create and focus on plans, they don't need to cost anything more than you would spend on any normal day: a picnic at midnight, sunrise or sundown will do. Yes, the kids will love it too... it's an adventure.
These all very easy to do ways to save a marriage or long-term relationship.
Notice again how the focus is on the positive as a way to save a marriage?
Read on ... 'Being Physical is one of the best ways of fixing a marriage
*Gottman, J., Silver, N. What Makes Marriage Work? Psychology Today, 19 June 2012, via Psychology Today