Warning signs of a breakup

Signs that your relationship is over

Are you suspecting that what you are seeing are the warning signs of a breakup?  Is wife/girlfriend, husband/boyfriend is about to end the relationship/marriage or are you?

If you are worried that your partner or spouse is looking for a way out, it helps to know what the warning signs are.

The realisation, that the relationship probably is no longer viable, usually comes following repeated periods of unhappiness. Often these periods of dissatisfaction, irritation, anger, frustration, hurt and disappointments increase in length over time.

In long-term committed relationships, the signs that your relationship is in danger appear in stages.  It is not unusual for these cycles to continue for even a couple of years or so.

However, unfortunately - sometimes the warning signs of a breakup start to appear quite sudden.   Breaking up/divorcing is however always a process with the stages of a breakup having a beginning, a middle and an end.

I just want you to be prepared, in case your partner suddenly tells you that it is over.  Do make sure that you visit: How to get your ex back, so that you know exactly what to do if that was to happen.  In any case - further down I'm also giving you the link to a resource that will help you improve your relationship no end - even if your partner appears to have given up.

There are related pages, such as Relationship quizzes, Breaking up tips, Depression, How to get over a relationship, further down this page.

Could he/she ‘suddenly’ have stopped loving you?

When confronted with a husband/wife or partner telling you that he/she is unhappy and/or does not love you any more - you will shocked, but you may also be completely baffled.

You may not have shared these feelings of unhappiness.  To you the ups and downs of your relationship or marriage as part of the ‘norm’.  It may not have occurred to you that these were warning signs of a break-up.

More likely the ’I am leaving you’ statement does not arise out of a 'sudden' realisation - even if it appears so to you.  Take a closer look and the cracks in your relationship become perhaps more apparent.

The nature and the length of the stages of a breakup differ per couple.  However, common contributing factors can often be found when looking at:

• commitment at the start of the relationship
• commitment, care and consideration over time - see my page: causes of divorce (links below)
  
• the length and 'intensity' of the relationship
• the history of previous relationships - in particular their endings
• life stages
• personalities

When should you end a relationship or marriage?

When is it time to break up a relationship or marriage?  Maybe you should take control.  If you are not at all sure whether or not you would want to stay in this relationship, use my end of a relationship questionnaire to help you decide.

One of the best ways of doing of rekindling your relationship is by creating more emotional intimacy between the two of you.  Recreating the kind of conversations you had at the start of your relationship will help you do just that.  My page on relationship quizzes (links below) has all kinds of questions that make it fun, rather than awkward or 'threatening'.

Warning signs that your relationship may be ending

So, how do you know that your relationship is on the way out - unless you take action?  Here are some of the symptoms that your relationship may be over - the warning signs of a break up.  Much better really to see them as signs that your marriage or relationship is in need of intensive care.

These are the signs that your relationship could be at an end or at least is not healthy at the moment.  Note: it is likely to be a combination of these signs and symptoms.

• You are not talking much about personal ‘stuff’ - you have little idea what is going on in your spouse's/girl/boyfriend's life
• You seem to be saying the same things over and over again
• You increasingly seem to be unable to come to an agreement over important issues
• Either or both of you end up feeling frustrated, angry and hurt, whenever you have try to talk about them
• One or both of you are feeling increasingly depressed - if you both feel like this on account of your relationship, then your feelings are definite warnings signs of a break up
  
• You and/or your husband, wife or partner are becoming more and more irritable and/or withdrawn
• You are both unhappy and may have even mentioned, or threatened with separation
• Either one of you (or both) are going out more frequently or staying longer at work, and you are leading increasingly separate lives
• At least one of you is having an affair.
• Your partner is acting ‘out of character’, or perhaps you have 'not been yourself' lately
• You are arguing more frequently as a couple and perhaps even treating each other with contempt
  
• One or both of you are 'stonewalling'
• Your partner is inconsistent - makes promises about being there and then makes him/herself scarce

Some of these are obvious signs that the relationship is over.  Act now!  Do something about these warning signs of a breakup.  Consider what has led up to this situation and the issues you are facing.  Think about each of your roles in the difficulties, rather than blame each other.

You really need all the help you can get before you make the biggest mistake.  Learn how to survive a downturn in your relationship and turn it around with the programme  Save The Marriage (Relationship) Today.

Not a warning sign of a breakup?

Some of these signs that the relationship is ending could be caused by your or your partner/spouse being unwell.  They may be the result of stress and/or signs of clinical depression, which are underlying your relationship problems.  Of course the two are invariably linked and my relationship advice is: it time to take stock and take action!

The stages of a break up

At any one time either one of you may have gone through some, or all, of the following stages.  In effect, each one has its own signs that the relationship is ending - or really: is in need of tender loving care.

Considering each of these stages may also help you to decide when it is time to end the relationship, or better - start taking some action towards resolving the issues.

• accepting that a relationship has its ups and downs
• realising that a dip has lasted too long - and maybe you already have already been through several of these stages of a break up
• trying to talk to you (very often, but not always, women do this)
• perhaps even suggesting counselling
• making a renewed effort to improve the relationship - you are taking note of the stages of a breakup and taking positive action
• wondering what it would be like to separate and be on their own
• exploring solutions to adverse practical and financial consequences
• making concrete plans in anticipation of a separation- you are now coming to the end of the stages of a break up
• putting off a conversation, wondering how to do it (see my page: Breaking-up tips
• disclosing intentions
• attending counselling sessions ‘as a last resort’ (see my page about relationship or marriage counselling)

What if you recognise these stages in yourself?

Maybe you are now even more aware that your relationship really isn’t how you would want it to be.  I know that this is ever so painful, however you now have an opportunity to deal with these warning signs of a break-up.

Each sign that a relationship is ending is a potential handle to turn things around - if your relationship is still salvageable.  Taking action also helps you to remain ‘in the driving seat’ and perhaps change things for the better. Find out how you may be able to save your marriage/relationship.

You may also be interested in:	Food affects your mood!
Causes of divorce Relationship quizzes Signs of clinical depression Infidelity warning signs Body language signs Facebook problems Divorce advice UK Physical effects of sleep deprivation

Images courtesy of: 1 Michal Zacharzewski; 2 Sigurd Decroos

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