Warning signs of a breakup

Stages of a break up

Are there warning signs when a relationship is ending?

Are you suspicious that your wife/girlfriend, husband/boyfriend is about to end the relationship?

If you are worried that your partner or spouse is looking for a way out, it helps to know the signs.

The realisation that the relationship is no longer satisfying usually comes following periods of unhappiness. Often these periods increase over time. In long-term committed relationships these may even last up to a couple of years, or longer.  Breaking up/divorcing is a process.

Can you ‘suddenly’ stop loving someone?

When confronted you might find yourself surprised. You  might not share these feelings of unhappiness.  You might have merely accepted that the ups and downs are part of the ‘norm’.

The ’I am leaving you’ therefore often happens in stages.  The nature and length of the stages depend on many other factors, such as: commitment at the start and over time, intensity of the relationship, the history of previous relationships—particularly their endings, personalities and life stages.

Warning signs that a relationship may be in danger

Your relationship may shows signs that all is not well and that there could be an ending.  Here are some of those signs for you and/or your partner.

• You are not talking much about personal ‘stuff’ - you have little idea what is going on in your spouse's/girl/boyfriend's life
  
• You seem to be saying the same things over and over again
• You increasingly seem to be unable to come to an agreement over important issues
  
• Either or both of you end up feeling frustrated, angry and hurt, whenever you have try to talk about them
  
• One or both of you are feeling increasingly depressed
• You and/or your husband, wife or partner are becoming more and more irritable and/or withdrawn
• You are both unhappy and may have even mentioned, or threatened with separation
• Either one of you (or both) are going out more frequently or staying longer at work, and you are leading increasingly separate lives
• At least one of you is having an affair.
• Your partner is acting ‘out of character’, or perhaps you have 'not been yourself' lately
  
• You are arguing more frequently as a couple and perhaps even treating eachother with contempt
  
• One or both of you are 'stonewalling'
  

Some of these are obvious signs that the relationship maybe coming to an end.

However, some of these signs and symptoms could be the result of stress and/or depression, which are causing secondary relationship problems.  Either way: time to take stock and take action!

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The stages of a break up

Your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse may have gone through some, or all, of the following stages:

• accepting that a relationship has its ups and downs
• realising that a dip has lasted too long
• trying to talk to you (very often, but not always, women do this)
• perhaps even suggesting counselling
• making a renewed effort to improve the relationship
• wondering what it would be like to separate and be on their own
• exploring solutions to adverse practical and financial consequences
• making concrete plans in anticipation of a separation
• putting off a conversation, wondering how to do it
• disclosing intentions
• attending counselling sessions ‘as a last resort’

What if you recognise these stages in yourself?

Maybe you are now even more aware that your relationship really isn’t how you would want it to be.  I know that this is ever so painful, however you now have an opportunity to deal with these warning signs.

Taking action also helps you to remain ‘in the driving seat’ and perhaps change things for the better. Find out how you may be able to save your marriage/relationship.

Telephone counselling or coaching can really help you to see through the mist, focus your mind and decide what you need to do next: face the break-up or do all that you can to make your relationship better.

Imagine how you will feel having some clarity of mind and the weight lifted of your shoulder once you have acted on and dealt with the warning signs of a break up.

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