Swept off my feet by someone else

Elly's reply to Nadia.
It sounds like you are totally smitten, Nadia. The kind of situation you describe is not uncommon and Prof Helen Fisher gives it a scientific explanation. She says that the dopamin circuit in your brain has been activated when you have someone 'camping in your head'. This is the same neural circuit that plays a part in any addiction. At the same time you could feel a deep sense of attachment for someone else - for you that is John of course.

Read Nadia's story.

You have not told me how you met this man, who appears to have swept you off your feet. I would be very cautious about abandoning all you know and love to travel abroad to be with someone you may be 'addicted' to. You may not be able to get him out of your head, but that does not mean that he is going to be a good long-term partner necessarily or that you are even safe with him in the short term.

You could of course take the risk - you are young, have no children and can move away if you want to. However, you do have a commitment - John relies on you at the moment. It is very likely that he will notice that you have changed and wonder what is going on. He will of course be devastated to know that you are in love with someone else. So do consider that very carefully before you tell him.

I can imagine that John does not like the idea of the long hours, because he may want to spend the time with you instead. I cannot tell the strength of his feeling from what you have written, other than that you say that he wants you to quit. You yourself are at risk of over-reacting because you are feeling so confused and emotional at the moment. The wanting to quit might have been "how would you feel if it came to looking for another position" for example.

I am afraid that there is no 'ideal' solution for you now, Nadia. This is one of life's dilemma's that causes you to 'turn yourself inside out' to try and figure out what you should do.

All I can suggest is that you take your time to let it all 'perculate' - there is no hurry.

I wish you all the best for your future happiness.

Elly