If you're dealing with relationship stress, I'm so glad you've landed here. I can help you to manage this, whether it's caused by problems in your relationship or by external sources.
Relationship stress can be caused by a drip-drip effect of, for example, never-ending criticism, shouting, arguments, abuse and so on. It can also come about as a result of a crisis, such as an affair, illness, the death of a loved one or other family problems.
Avoiding issues can provide temporary relief, but this may lead in the long-term to reduced resilience when you're confronted with stressful situations.
Stress, whether from inside or outside your relationship, is likely to affect the way you think, feel and behave. This invariably impacts on your partner - it becomes a vicious circle. I'm sure you're aware that there are physical consequences - the impact of stress can make you ill.
If this page doesn't quite provide what you're looking for, then scroll down to the bottom for links to related pages. If you're looking for general relationship advice, you'll also find my page Relationship Problems useful in helping you to identify exactly what your relationship issues are.
Before we go on to discuss stress and your relationship, I just want to tell you about some really useful resources.
Do you know your relationship needs sorting? Have a look at Save My Marriage/Relationship - even if your partner doesn't appear to be interested right now. You can make a difference, all by yourself.
Do you think your partner is just causing you too much stress? Has this always been the case, and do you think it always will be? In that case, I'd really like you to try my Relationship Compatibility Test.
Do you think your partner might be about to leave you? Let me help you to be prepared for this by having a look at How to Get Your Ex Back. Advanced preparation can help you to avoid spoiling any chance of you salvaging the relationship when it matters most.
You and/or your partner may be suffering from stress from external sources. Each of you is ultimately responsible for your own recovery.
If you blame your partner, other people or the situation, you can get trapped in feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. It's also not healthy for you as you end up wasting precious energy on stuff you have no control over.
Ideally you'd offer each other emotional and practical support. Have you asked each other if you're feeling stressed? Neither of you are mind readers!
If your partner appears unable to help and/or support you, try not to judge them. It may be that (without you necessarily knowing) your partner's own well-being is not so good at the moment.
Maybe unbeknown to you there are adverse family circumstances or stresses at work that your partner didn't want to burden you with. I know from my work with police officers, for instance, that they'd often not want to tell their partner what they've been involved in as it can be too distressing.
It could also be that he or she interprets your grumpiness as you being angry with him or her. You may have appeared over-critical. I really do understand that when you're stressed everything seems just too much. It feels as though everybody is out to make life difficult for you!
If you're supporting your partner, be sure to state what is and what is not OK for you. Suffering from stress long-term may come at a cost to your relationship.
It is vital, therefore, that you keep the channels of communication open.
If there are problems in your relationship or marriage, now is the time to sort them out. Continuing to do what you've always done is not going to change anything. I'm afraid wishful thinking will only lead to further relationship stress.
Stress causing relationship problems can come in may forms, including:
When you get to the point where you just don't want to go home at the end of a working day, or you dread your partner coming through the door, your relationship just won't be satisfying any more.
I'd really advise you to consider getting professional help from an experienced couple counsellor if this is your situation. Even if your partner doesn't want to go, you still can - and at the very least you won't feel so alone any more.
However, there is much you can do right now that can make a difference. Let's have a look at these things now...
Whether or not the problems in your relationship are the cause, if you are - or your partner is - stressed:
You're unlikely to be able to eliminate all stresses in your marriage or relationship. However, since relationship problems are one of the biggest causes of stress, I'm sure you'll agree that it makes sense to deal with them.
Instead of hoping and wishing, why not get some counselling? It'll be a relief to be able to talk things through with someone completely independent. I am in a sense only next door - just a phone call away.
Remember that what might comfort you might increase someone else's stress levels! Support your partner in whatever way he or she finds helpful, as long as they're not putting themselves or anyone else at risk.
You are each on a continuum between introvert and extrovert. Try to work towards a balance to avoid the risk of becoming polarised as that will certainly increase relationship stress.
I can do no better than let you watch Bruce Feiler's presentation on building happy families. Oh, how I wish I had seen this when I was bringing up my son. It would have SO reduced all our stress levels.
If you and your partner have very different ways of dealing with your offspring, you are potentially making life more stressful for eachother. This will help...
Nothing lasts forever in life - not the good times and not the bad times. I know that you can work towards resolving the issues and keep chipping away at the stress in your relationship.
Try to remember that if your partner doesn't respond the way you'd like, you'd be wasting your energy complaining.
Do what you can to become the person you want to be.
The Human Givens- emotional needs and resources
Nervous Breakdown and Panic Attacks
How to End a Relationship
Anger Management Tips
Ending a Long-Term Relationship
Adrenal Fatigue Symptoms
Problem Solving Techniques