Signs of infidelity

Part 1, Part 2

In Part 1 of this article we went through 7 of the most common signs that might point towards infidelity. Let's now take a look at some of the ways your partner's behaviour and choice of words might be 'giving the game away'.

When to look for signs

A very important note of caution: Please be careful how you interpret body language signs. They're so easily misread, and it's really important to look at how she or he is different from what you would normally observe.

Here are the moments when you need to be particularly observant when you're asking a question relating to your partner's whereabouts or activities...

  • Being confronted with a question, particularly when least expected, is likely to cause a degree of discomfort
  • Your partner may be stroking or rubbing their head and neck, and covering their eyes or mouth
  • Look for differences in how he or she would normally behave whilst they are thinking about the question
  • Watch and listen out for signs of discomfort as he or she is attempting to answer the question

9 behavioural signs pointing to possible infidelity

  1. Avoiding any conversation about your relationship can point towards your partner having an affair
  2. Avoiding certain subjects can be a sure warning sign of infidelity
  3. Changing the subject for no apparent reason, even if you're talking about a subject that's not apparently linked
  4. Hiding their phone, particularly if it used to be out in the open
  5. Changing dress style. If your partner is suddenly taking more of an interest in their appearance then this really is one to watch out for
  6. Starting to go to the gym and working out regularly
  7. Paying generally more attention to their looks
  8. Dropping a name in the conversation once too often
  9. Acting 'out of the ordinary' generally

Verbal signs of a cheating spouse

There are further warning signs of infidelity which can suggest that all is not what it seems. How keen is your partner to show their 'true' self?

Signs of infidelity can be found in exactly what language your partner is using, how she or he might steer a conversation, and/or how they might avoid talking about stuff.

Your partner might...

.... make it sound like you have a problem and it's all your fault

... tell you (and themselves?) that they are 'just good friends'

... make generally derogatory remarks to you - they need to have a 'reason' for an affair and justify it, by your behaviour

... say things that somehow don’t seem 'stack up', without you necessarily being able to put your finger on it

Your friends often see the signs of infidelity before you

Your friends may already suspect or know about the affair - they might have seen the signs before you. If so, they're likely to be facing a few dilemmas of their own:

  • They may be evasive when you approach the subject
  • They may not know what to do with the information
  • They are likely to be weighing up the cost of telling you about what they suspect, or what they already know for sure
  • They may think it better to let sleeping dogs lie

But remember - real friends will do whatever they think is right for you, even if you think differently. They will also point out the thread to your sexual health!

Don’t shoot the messenger if they tell you! Sadly, the 'other woman/man' could be amongst your friends.

Signs of infidelity?

I've worked with hundreds of individuals and couples where one partner was suspicious that their partner was having an affair. Having the right kind of support and advice, from someone completely independent, can make the difference between yet another sleepless night, or a plan of action that helps you to feel more in control.

If you're wondering whether or not to stay in your relationship and really don't know what to do, this End Relationship Test can help you to make the right decision.

I'd also like you to be prepared in case your partner suddenly says he or she wants to end your relationship or marriage, so do have a look now at what yo need to do to be ready on this page.

How to spot a liar

Pamela Meyer, author of 'Lie Spotting', is a world renowned expert on lying. Learn some surprising facts from what she has to say by watching this video...

Part 1, Part 2

Related Articles

Surviving Infidelity
Interpreting Body Language
List of Nonverbal Communications
Warning Signs of a Break Up
How to End a Relationship
How to Say Sorry
How to Save Your Marriage

Other Helpful Links

Psychological Science - Press release: Lie detections misconceptions and pitfalls
Infidelity and GDP - a study by Bobby Goldstein Productions

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