Signs of an abusive relationship

Are you in a 'bad' relationship or is it an abusive one?Are you being verbally, mentally and/or physically abused by your partner?

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

On this page you'll find the most important signs of an abusive relationship. If you answer YES to even one of three questions (depending on which one), you need to seek help as soon as possible.

The very fact that you're here, is a sign that you are very likely to be in a really bad relationship. Why would you be here (unless you have a professional interest of course)?

The question is: are you being verbally, emotionally and physically abused by someone who's supposed to love you?

You may have been wondering whether you should  get out of the relationship, but...

  • you're too scared
  • you perhaps feel you need to be strong
  • you still think you can change him/her if only you knew how
  • you're the only one who really understands them
  • you're hoping that things will get better
  • they've apologetically promised you it won't happen again. Maybe they even cried at the awful realisation of what they've been doing to you, particularly after an 'incident'
  • they've threatened to kill you, themselves or someone you love
  • you love him or her
  • you're just not sure of the signs of a bad relationship, let alone an abusive one
  • you think they're damaged and badly need your love and support

Whatever your thoughts or feelings - even after this test - I so want you to get help as soon as possible.

Go through these lists of signs and remember that each question you answer with a 'yes' is a factor that's very likely to get worse over time - that what you see as a 'bad' relationship can indeed be - or turn into - an abusive one.

This is my part in your journey to getting you to safety. I can only increase your awareness and point you in the right direction, but you need to shine a light on what is happening and ask for help.

I'm so pleased you are here!

Before we go on and just in case you thought you need to stick with this relationship, because you think your partner can't do without you - learn from, and remember, what Brene Brown has to say about boundaries...

Chances are you were desperately in need of this lesson!

Signs of physical, emotional, mental and sexual abuse

Couple, woman with bruises on her armAre you in an abusive relationship? Who is your abuser?

Does he/she physically hurt you - punch, slap, pinch, push, shove, pull or shake you?

Does he/she have ‘play-fights’ with you that hurt you in any way?

Does he/she use abusive language towards you?

Does he/she call you names?

Does he/she ridicule you?

Does he/she humiliate you in any way, whether in company or not?

Does he/she completely ignore your feelings and wishes (that is, if you've dared to express them)?

Has he/she physically/sexually hurt you in any way?

Does he/she force you to do stuff against your will?

Does he/she ‘punish’ you by hurting you for anything that was 'not to his liking'?

Does he/she know how to push your buttons, deliberately hurting you emotionally and mentally?

Is he/she extremely demanding?

Does he/she want to control every aspect of your relationship?

Does he/she control what you wear - and often even then they're not pleased?

Does he/she threaten to harm you, your children, other loved-ones or him/herself?

Does he/she threaten to leave you, if you don't do as you're told?

Does he/she threaten to kill him/herself if you leave them?

Does he/she threaten to kill you?

Is he/she extremely jealous?

Does he/she make you feel guilty?

You can see how difficult it can be in some instances to distinguish the signs of a bad relationship from the signs of an abusive one.

Keep on reading - there's more to come...

Part 3 - a domestic violence survivor tells her story.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

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