How to overcome your sexual relationship problems
If you're struggling with sexual relationship problems, I so hope my pages here will help you to get that spark back.
In case you've landed here first, do hop over to Part 1 of this article for a look at some of the possible causes of a sexless relationship.
Feeling frustrated and rejected due to your sexless marriage?
Things that will not help you to have more sex include...
- pushing your partner into making love more often
- forcing your partner (rape!)
- manipulating the situation in some way
- getting obsessed by the lack of sex becoming too emotional about it (that stops you discovering the real cause and finding an effective solution)
- ignoring existing relationship problems
- blaming and accusing
Infidelity might seem like a solution for your frustration, however trust me when I say it'll just cause no end of trouble further down the line.
Just in case you think your partner might be being unfaithful, though, take a look at the infidelity warning signs on this page to help you figure out if maybe that's what is contributing this problem.
Is sexual arousal a problem for one or both of you?
Sexual arousal is a very complex process (like every other function in the body) and involves:
- your brain
- your nervous system
- your hormones
- your blood vessels
- your muscles
- your emotions
Problems with - and imbalances in - any of these are likely to affect your sexual desire. If it's not addressed, a chronic lack of sexual desire (as well as other problems of course) can sadly lead to a virtually or even completely sexless marriage or relationship.
The process of improving your libido, first and foremost, involves ensuring overall physical, mental and emotional well-being. I know - it's disappointing that there isn't a 'quick fix'. However, stick with me and don't despair...
What's at the root of your sexless relationship?
If sex is the cause of your relationship problems I'd really like you to see a doctor first. We'll want to rule out any medical problems and thereby the possible cause of your trouble.
Getting medical help and advice with any or all of the following can really help to enhance your libido...
10 Ways to help improve your libido with medical advice
- Review your antidepressants (if prescribed)
- Review your medication for high blood pressure (if prescribed)
- Deal with any pain
- Find the cause of erectile dysfunction and treating it (we will be looking at asking a psychosexual therapist for help later)
- Deal with ejaculation problems
- Treat any illness. Stop procrastinating! ;-)
- Deal with fatigue - though there are very likely things you can do yourself
- Overcome fear of pregnancy: contraception
- Deal with any traumatic experience
- Deal with depression and stress
For any problems with your mental and emotional well-being, do continue to explore this site as it's packed with advice to help you out with all kinds of issues.
If you can rule out any medical causes for your lack of interest in sex, I'd really encourage you to have a look at my pages on Increasing Male Libido and Boosting Female Libido.
But, before you do so (or read on), do watch this video for the best advice from a colleague couple therapist (btw, you might want to share it with your partner!)...
How good is your physical relationship?
Your physical relationship involves much more than full sex. It is part of the 'dance' of communication between two people.
Your 'physical' relationship as part of a loving, committed couple includes enjoying:
- any kind of fleeting loving touch
- stroking and massaging
- holding, embracing
All this can and should be part of your relationship without the expectation that it will lead to sex. This kind of physical communication should ideally be part and parcel of your everyday life.
I'd really encourage you to invest in being 'physical' in this way and become skilful at it, particularly if it's not part of your experience now. And when you're ready to start healing your sexless marriage or relationship, you'll find foreplay so much more enjoyable.
If for any reason you can't have penetrative sex, being able to lovingly pleasure each other will help to calm the waters.
Can you have a conversation about this with your partner or spouse without it turning into an argument? Or would you rather avoid the subject completely?
Find out in Part 3 how to start talking about Sex and your Relationship without embarrassment...
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It's me - Elly Prior, I'm the Founder and Author of this site. I'm a 'real' person! I'm hoping to make a positive difference, small or large, to every person who visits my site.
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