If you're struggling with sexual relationship problems, I so hope my pages here will help you to get that spark back.
In case you've landed here first, do hop over to Part 1 of this article for a look at some of the possible causes of a sexless relationship.
Things that will not help you to have more sex include...
Don't even think about infidelity either! It might seem like a solution for your frustration, however trust me when I say it'll just cause no end of trouble further down the line.
Just in case you think your partner might be being unfaithful, though, take a look at the infidelity warning signs on this page to help you figure out if maybe that's what is contributing this problem.
Sexual arousal is a very complex process (like every other function in the body) and involves:
Problems with - and imbalances in - any of these are likely to affect your sexual desire. If it's not addressed, a chronic lack of sexual desire (as well as other problems of course) can sadly lead to a virtually or even completely sexless marriage or relationship.
The process of improving your libido, first and foremost, involves ensuring overall physical, mental and emotional well-being. I know - it's disappointing that there isn't a 'quick fix'. However, stick with me and don't despair...
If sex is the cause of your relationship problems I'd really like you to see a doctor first. We'll want to rule out any medical problems and thereby the possible cause of your trouble.
Getting medical help and advice with any or all of the following can really help to enhance your libido...
For any problems with your mental and emotional well-being, do continue to explore this site as it's packed with advice to help you out with all kinds of issues.
But, before you do so (or read on), do watch this video for the best advice from a colleague couple therapist (btw, you might want to share it with your partner!)...
Your physical relationship involves much more than full sex. It is part of the 'dance' of communication between two people.
Your 'physical' relationship as part of a loving, committed couple includes enjoying:
All this can and should be part of your relationship without the expectation that it will lead to sex. This kind of physical communication should ideally be part and parcel of your everyday life.
I'd really encourage you to invest in being 'physical' in this way and become skilful at it, particularly if it's not part of your experience now. And when you're ready to start healing your sexless marriage or relationship, you'll find foreplay so much more enjoyable.
If for any reason you can't have penetrative sex, being able to lovingly pleasure each other will help to calm the waters.
Can you have a conversation about this with your partner or spouse without it turning into an argument? Or would you rather avoid the subject completely?
Find out in Part 3 how to start talking about Sex and your Relationship without embarrassment...