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Effective communication
is at the heart of any relationship, personal, professional and
business. Ineffective listening can spoil everything that
you are trying to achieve in terms of building a positive,
rewarding, productive, co-operative relationship - regardless of
its setting.
I hope to be able to help you fine-tune your communication skills
with advanced listening skills - as used by
counsellor/psychotherapists.
Do also read: Relationship problem? My advice- see links - as it gives some background information on perception, particularly in intimate relationships.
You cannot not communicate—without uttering a sound, your body ‘leaks’ information. Nonverbal communication is as important as the spoken word. An active listener considers if and how any movement connects to what is being said/communicated.
You can hugely improve your relationship communication by becoming an effective listener. Being genuinely interested in the other person is essential for active listening. Being really listened to in itself can be very reassuring. Ineffective listening on the other hand is likely to inflame any potentially contentious situation.
If you are planning to have a conversation, whether to improve your relationship communication with your partner/spouse, do a business deal, find out what a client wants or any other situation:
By telling your partner in advance that you want to talk about something you really need their attention for, or by making an appointment in other situations, you are more likely to achieve something positive, by giving it some gravitas.
By preparing the ground you have already communicated that this is not just an ordinary moan/deal or whatever. You have also communicated that you respect that he/she has needs too and that you have considered those.
You may find it helpful to read Dealing with criticism in advance too - just in case ...
Keen to start save your relationship right now? Then have a look at save my marriage/relationship (actually it is written for a marriage, but it is just as suitable if you are in a longterm relationship) or maybe it is too late - your partner has left and all that you can do now is to try and win your ex back.
Not at all sure that you want to stay in this relationship/marriage? This end relationship test can help you make the right decision.
When you are ready to have that conversation:
No mean feat sticking to all that, I know. However, all these points help to build rapport - that person feeling that you are making a connection with him/her and that you are genuinely interested.
Building rapport is a skill most people are born with - it is part of our genetic heritage. So, there is no better way I know than to rely on your innate resources and (re)awaken and/or strengthen them with self hypnosis. I cannot think of anything more accessible, user-friendly and effective than hypnosis online. Build Rapport and become 'the best in class'.
Just by building rapport and listening, you will be taking the wind out of someone sails, if need be!
It is very likely that you have made mistakes - haven't we all! It is really hard to expect your partner to remain calm and communicate well, if you yourself have let the side down by shouting, manipulations, put-downs, stone-walling, etc.
In that case - start the conversation with something like: "I know I have handled this very poorly on previous occasions, but I will do all I can to do better this time." Of course, that is exactly what you need to do then.
What do you do if your partner/the other person is a reluctant talker? Well, here are some tips to help you slowly coax them into saying just a little more.
Remember - you can spoil all your great attempts by judging and critical comments!
The best way to help embed your learning about relationships and communication, in particularly rapport building and listening skills, is hypnosis.
Why not let your unconscious mind work for you - what have you got to lose? Have all your questions answered on hypnosis online and have a look at active listening skills download.
First of all you need to trust that on the whole we are 'soft wired' to feel what another person is feeling. We can be 'empathic' to someone else's situation and feelings. The mirror neurons in our brain help us to walk that mile in someone else's shoes. Clearly we each are on a scale - some of us are brilliant at it, some need - let's say - a bit of 'encouragement'.
Communication can be really tricky, particularly at crucial stages in your relationship. The way that you challenge, talk, listen can either calm or inflame a situation.
Particularly if you are going through some kind of a crisis and have difficulties coping, you are much more likely to just 'chuck things out'. This in turn would only add to your distress, so really consider when, what and how you communicate.
Here is a really interesting
animated video on empathy - particularly interesting for
those of you with a professional interest in the subject of
empathy and emotional intelligence.
Here are some further tips:
Paraphrasing (repeating in your own words what the other person has said) will help to ensure that you are beginning to ‘get the picture’. You are more likely to remember what was said. Importantly, it also helps the other person to feel valued - further improving the relationship. Communication that includes paraphrasing becomes even more effective if it includes time for the other to reflect on what you have just fed back to them. If necessary, they can rephrase something to help you and themselves.
Have you thought of counselling or coaching to improve your relationship communication? A counsellor or coach will listen to you and help you to feel, listen, communicate better. In turn you will pick up tips and techniques that can help you to improve your communication skills.
If you have found yourself saying the 'apparently' wrong thing too many times to your partner, but you really don't want counselling, then I can recommend: save my marriage/relationship.
In addition, I also recommend Soren's
website (see links further down) - a great place to learn
more about yourself. Soren offers coaching services too.
Active and effective listening skills prevent arguing, distress, jumping to conclusions, 'getting the wrong end of the stick', misunderstandings, loss of 'deals'. All of these can create unnecessary conflict and should have no place in effective relationship communication.
By spending a little time on learning new skills and sharpening your awareness, you can improve your relationship communication. Not only that, using these skills can help you in every day life!
Fine-tune your relationship and lift your spirits!
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