Effective communication is at the heart of any relationship, personal, professional and business. Ineffective listening skills can spoil it all. Here I am going to help you learn to communicate better with your partner in particular.
Active listening means using
a set of skills that help you to focus completely on the another person
- to hear, see, feel and understand as much as possible of what your
partner/boy or girlfriend is trying to say.
You cannot not communicate—without uttering a sound, your body ‘leaks’ information. Nonverbal communication is as important as the spoken word. An active listener considers if and how any movement connects to what is being said.
You can hugely improve your relationship
communication by becoming an effective listener. Being genuinely interested
in the other person is essential for active listening. Being really
listened to in itself can be very reassuring. Ineffective
listening on the other hand is likely to inflame any potentially
contentious situation.
If you are planning to have a conversation - perhaps to discuss some difficulty in your relationship:
By telling your partner in advance that you want to talk about something you really need their attention for, you are more likely to achieve something positive.
By preparing the ground you have already communicated that this is not just an ordinary moan. You have also communicated that you respect that he/she has needs too and that you have considered those.
When you are ready to have that conversation:
No mean feat sticking to all that, I know. However, you could just get to grips with a couple of points at any time. You can then slowly begin to build up a better pattern of communicating. Imagine yourself really listening - practice in your head. Just by listening, you will be taking the wind out of someone sails, if need be!
What do you do if your partner is a reluctant talker? Well, here are some tips to help you slowly coax them into saying just a little more.
Remember - you can spoil all your great attempts by judging and critical comments!
Communication can be really tricky, particularly at crucial stages in your relationship. The way that you challenge, talk, listen can either calm or inflame a situation.
Particularly if you are going through some kind of a crisis and have difficulties coping, you are much more likely to just 'chuck things out'. This in turn would only add to your distress, so really consider when, what and how you communicate.
Here are some further tips:
Paraphrasing (repeating in your own words what the other person has said) will help to ensure that you are beginning to ‘get the picture’. You are more likely to remember what was said. Importantly, it also helps the other person to feel valued. It helps them to reflect on what they are telling you. If necessary, they can rephrase something to help you and themselves.
Have you thought of counselling or coaching to improve your relationship communication? A counsellor or coach will listen to you and help you to feel, listen, communicate better. In turn you will pick up tips and techniques that can help you to improve your communication skills.
Active and effective listening skills prevent arguing, distress, jumping to conclusions, 'getting the wrong end of the stick' and misunderstandings. All of these can create unnecessary conflict.
By spending a little time on learning new skills and sharpening your awareness, you can improve your relationship communication. Not only that, using these skills can help you in every day life!