I’m passionate about helping you to get started with solving your relationship issues.
Know that you were born with all of the resources you need to make the right changes that'll lead to greater happiness. So let's get going...
Relationships of any kind go sour when they are damaged by poor, or even toxic communication.
Do you recognise any of the following?
Whilst all of these behaviours are obviously unhelpful in a relationship - there's a reason for them, though not an excuse.
If you've found yourself resorting to communicating using any of the above spoilers, then you may 'just' be attempting to meet some essential emotional needs. Those needs may be - for example - your need for attention, or your need for a sense of safety, or friendship and even laughter.
Which mask do you wear? What role do you play?
If you recognise yourself in any of the above behaviours then do try to challenge yourself. There’s no need to judge yourself. Simply notice and acknowledge the way you’re feeling and behaving.
As a human being you're very likely trying to have your needs met in whichever way is familiar and natural to you. I’m here to help you to achieve this in a more helpful way.
You can start by asking yourself questions about why, where and when you behave as you do, so that you can develop an awareness of what the triggers (not the causes) are. My page on problem solving strategies can help you to ask the right questions and start understanding where the trouble is coming from.
Although you often won’t have control over what happens to you, you can start to take control over how you respond to things.
If you truly think that your partner or spouse is the problem, here are some things to help you:
Marriage guidance or relationship counselling can really make the difference when you’re having relationship problems because it helps you both to make the necessary changes.
In any case, take control of your life. Learn to relax and meditate so that you can make greater use of all your inborn resources.
Self-hypnosis too can really help you to stop those whirring thoughts and out of control feelings in a doable and enjoyable way, with life-time benefits.
Not feeling loved, safe and secure?
Are few of your emotional needs met in your marriage or relationship, despite your very best attempts at sorting them?
Have you really no hope?
Maybe it is time to consider if this relationship truly is the right one for you with my Comprehensive Relationship Test. It will help you focus your efforts on making the changes that really matter, or perhaps deciding it's time to break up.
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