Reasons for divorce

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

If you're thinking about divorce at the moment, then I'm so glad you've found my pages. I really hope I can help you with the advice on my site. 

In a moment we'll take a look at some of the most common reasons for divorce - but just in case you've landed here first then do hop over to Part 1 to begin with. Over there you'll find a list of the things you'll need to prepare yourself to deal with ahead of a divorce, together with links to advice if you think there's still a chance that you relationship can be saved.

Potential reasons your marriage ends in divorce

causes of divorce: bleeding hearts

The following are only contributing factors to the breakdown of a relationship or marriage.

They may simply be symptoms of underlying problems. The symptoms of these 'reasons for divorce' are likely to be linked too.

I've listed these causes of divorce in no particular order...

16 Common reasons for divorce

  1. Infidelity, including internet relationships
  2. Significant differences in values and beliefs
  3. Life stages -– you may have ‘outgrown’ each other
  4. Traumatic and/or life-changing events - these often are particularly tragic causes for divorce
  5. Responses to prolonged periods of stress, such as work-related stress, long-term illness, mental health issues, financial problems and so on
  6. Important emotional needs not being met
  7. Boredom with your relationship or feeling bored with life
  8. Treating each other with contempt - no surprise there (one of Prof John Gottman's four horsemen of the apocalypse)
  9. Stonewalling - not talking, avoiding disagreements (the second of John gottman's horsemen)
  10. Defensiveness - blaming, not taking responsibility for your role in the difficulties (the third of the horsemen)
  11. Domestic violence
  12. Addictions - see Stages of Alcoholism
  13. Knowing you shouldn't have got married in the first place - you knew you weren't compatible
  14. Lack of responsibility and unrealistic expectations - one of the "can't be bothered" causes of divorce
  15. Perceived lack of concern, care and consideration - one of the big causes of divorce as presented in my counselling experience
  16. Loneliness - you have grown apart completely (the fourth of the horsemen of the apocalypse)

My guess is that several of these will be familiar to you. But your reasons to divorce are likely to include factors that are very personal to you too.

Distress is multiplied many times by certain unhelpful actions and behaviours.

I'm so glad that you're taking the time to find out about the emotional ramifications of divorce. It hopefully means that you're unlikely to engage in any of these negative actions and behaviours.

The following behaviours are contributing factors to the above causes of divorce. Not only do they create more distress for people around you, but they also make things more difficult for both you and your partner too:

8 common factors that increase hurt and anger

  1. Blaming your partner, your lawyer, you in-laws, the other man or woman, etc.
  2. Treating your partner with contempt
  3. Revenge –- wanting to hurt your soon-to-be ‘ex’
  4. Setting your children up against your partner
  5. Delaying tactics
  6. Arriving unannounced on the doorstep
  7. Visiting, texting, telephoning, emailing, when you know you shouldn'’t
  8. Talking badly of your partner to friends, family and work colleagues (don't forget that at some point the two of you may decide to give your marriage another chance!)

How can you limit your distress?

Come with me to Part 3 to find out how you can make the experience as painless as possible, and to discover if What Causes Divorce is really important to you.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

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