Is money a good reason to end a relationship?

by Anonymous

From Anonymous. Elly's reply via a link.
My boyfriend is constantly broke - a major obstacle, since otherwise we are getting along really well and ejoy spending time together. We have been together for about ten months, we are both in our mid twenties.

When we started dating, I didn’t mind as much at first. He was attempting to work as a musician and had not had a job in over a year. Unfortunately his work as a musician was not really paying the bills – at all. I was the one who paid for everything – he never had any money.

After a short while, I couldn’t really accept this anymore, and I told him that he needed to get a job. He promised he would and that things would change, and he began searching for a job…in the meantime, I continued paying for everything (and occasionally lending him money so that he could pay rent and such).

In February, his room mates told him they were moving out and he would be forced to move as well. I was moving into a new place for March 1st – he had been hired for a job (but hadn’t started yet), so I agreed to let him move in with me, thinking that his money problems would finally become a thing of the past, and he could help me out by paying half the rent (which he explicitly agreed to do).

Unfortunately, it is now almost May 1st and I have still not received a single months rent from him, nor has he even fully paid me back for money I lent him to pay his rent in the past (this does not even include all the money I spent on food, entertainment, etc. on him – that money pretty much seems like a write off at this point anyways). He keeps telling me that his work is not paying him the full amount – he keeps getting jilted on hours he worked but has not been paid for. So now, despite the fact that he has had a full time job for the past two months , he is still constantly broke, and I am still constantly paying for everything. I love my job, but I work in the arts, and money is tight for me as it is – to have to support two people on my income is incredibly stressful and not really sustainable.

I think I believe him when he says his work isn’t paying him properly, but it’s starting to get hard to know what to think. I have offered him help and advice and directed him towards complaining to employment standards, but he does not seem particularly motivated to sort it out – I just feel like I am constantly nagging him and getting nowhere. He has promised to pay me back – but so far, none of those promises have really come true.

I feel bad for him, he hasn’t had an easy life. When issues such as money are not bringing us down we truly do have a good time together. However, I can’t keep paying for everything, I need a partner who can help support me equally. I am not looking for someone to buy me everything, just someone who can simply split the bills with me – that seems fair right?

So my question is, what do I do? It’s been 10 months and almost nothing has changed (other than the fact that he has gotten a job, which he did because I asked him to). Is money a good reason to break up with someone? Is it fair for me to ask him to still pay me back (including the past two months while he was living with me and not paying rent which he did agree to pay?). What should I do? Thanks for your advice.

Read Elly's advice. Link published within 24 hours.