Infidelity warning signs you can't ignore

The signs of a cheating spouse or partner

infidelity warning signs: 3 tags

You may be suspicious about your partner's behaviour because you can - or suspect you can - see the signs of infidelity.  If so, it's totally understandable if you're feeling scared and/or angry.

Your partner might deny all, whilst you know that something isn't right - there are signs you can't stop thinking about. You may have tried to deny it to yourself for a while. However, it's very likely that you're becoming increasingly distressed and worried about the meaning of all the strange behaviours or conversations.

Be sure to also visit my pages on Surviving Infidelity and Interpreting Body Language (see links at the end of the article), where you'll find a really interesting video clip with Dr Helen Fisher. She explains the systems in the brain which are involved with love, lust and attachment.

What are the infidelity warning signs?

2 x 3 hearts

Nothing I can say or write will give you a definite answer and I really want you to be careful not to jump to conclusions about the signs of infidelity.  

However, a combination of the following may indicate that your partner is cheating on you by having an affair...

You'll want to be aware of:

  • Body language (see below the link to nonverbal communication),
  • What is said
  • How it is said
  • What is not talked about
  • Actions that don’t fit his or her values and beliefs

I know it's difficult to be confronted with the signs that might indicate you have a cheating spouse. You may have your worst fears confirmed. Because of this, I'd really love you to explore all my other pages on this website too - I've got loads of help and advice that can help you deal with it all.

Also, in case you're suffering from depression, then I'd really love to help you to do something about that now. I so don't want you to simply wait for the situation to deteriorate - it'll only get worse if you do find out that your partner is cheating.  

You deserve better, so make sure that you avoid another layer of suffering. I recommend the depression treatment downloads from HypnosisDownloads. They are a team of experts and have developed some excellent methods to help you deal with your pain and distress.

An important note of caution

A very important note of caution: Please be careful how you interpret body language signs. They're so easily misread, and it's really important to look at how she or he is different from what you would normally observe.

Here are the moments when you need to be particularly observant when you're asking a question relating to your partner's whereabouts or activities...

  • Being confronted with a question, particularly when least expected, is likely to cause a degree of discomfort
  • Your partner may be stroking or rubbing their head and neck, and covering their eyes or mouth
  • Look for differences in how he or she would normally behave whilst they are thinking about the question
  • Watch and listen out for signs of discomfort as he or she is attempting to answer the question

A cheating partner's body language...

Research shows that as human beings we are all too keen to tell a lie*. You may even be aware that your partner is particularly prone to lying. However, please remember to make sure you only see these warning signs in the context of all the other signs of infidelity, as body language signs are notoriously unreliable!

6 More signs that may add to your suspicion

  1. Your partner may be looking down as he or she is talking to you - a possible sign of guilt
  2. His or her eyes may be shifting all over the place, trying to avoid your gaze
  3. He or she may stare at you, holding your gaze (as they know the meaning behind avoiding your gaze)
  4. He or she may tend to blink more when staring
  5. He or she maybe hiding their hands(a hang-over from childhood: "I didn't do that, honest") Do watch the videos at www.bodylanguageguide.co.uk
  6. They may blush when you talk about the subject (be careful... they maybe embarrassed, but not actually guilty)

Behaviour patterns

9 behavioural signs pointing to possible infidelity

  1. Avoiding any conversation about your relationship can point towards your partner having an affair
  2. Avoiding certain subjects can be a sure warning sign of infidelity
  3. Changing the subject for no apparent reason, even if you're talking about a subject that's not apparently linked
  4. Hiding their phone, particularly if it used to be out in the open
  5. Changing dress style. If your partner is suddenly taking more of an interest in their appearance then this really is one to watch out for
  6. Starting to go to the gym and working out regularly
  7. Paying generally more attention to their appearance
  8. Dropping a name in the conversation once too often
  9. Acting 'out of the ordinary' generally

Verbal signs of a cheating spouse

There are further warning signs of infidelity which can suggest that all is not what it seems. How keen is your partner to show their 'true' self?

Signs of infidelity can be found in exactly what language your partner is using, how she or he might steer a conversation, and/or how they might avoid talking about stuff.

Your partner might...

.... make it sound like you have a problem and it's all your fault

... tell you (and themselves?) that they are 'just good friends'

... make generally derogatory remarks to you - they need to have a 'reason' for an affair and justify it, by your behaviour

... say things that somehow don’t seem 'stack up', without you necessarily being able to put your finger on it

Friends may already be aware that all does not add up

Your friends may already suspect or know about the affair - they might have seen the signs before you. If so, they're likely to be facing a few dilemmas of their own:

  • They may be evasive when you approach the subject
  • They may not know what to do with the information
  • They are likely to be weighing up the cost of telling you about what they suspect, or what they already know for sure
  • They may think it better to let sleeping dogs lie

But remember - real friends will do whatever they think is right for you, even if you think differently. They will also point out the thread to your sexual health!

Don’t shoot the messenger if they tell you! Sadly, the 'other woman/man' could be amongst your friends.

Signs of infidelity?

I've worked with hundreds of individuals and couples where one partner was suspicious that their partner was having an affair. Having the right kind of support and advice can make the difference. I recommend therefore that you consider talking with a professional, licensed therapist. It's so easy now to set up an online session. For further information see my page: Online Relationship Advice.

If you're wondering whether or not to stay in your relationship and really don't know what to do, my Relationship Test can help you to make the right decision.

How to spot a liar

Pamela Meyer, author of 'Lie Spotting', is a world renowned expert on lying. Learn some surprising facts from what she has to say by watching this video...

I really do hope for you that your partner isn't having an affair! Simply by being here though, I know you're going through a difficult time. It can therefore be really helpful to have a professional - online - licensed relationship therapist on your side. He or she will take all the time to get to know you and your particular situation, support and guide you. For further information see my page: Online Relationship Advice.

Do take good care of yourself! :-)

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Related articles

Your Partner is Cheating on you?
Surviving Infidelity

Interpreting Body Language
List of Nonverbal Communications
Warning Signs of a Breakup
How to End a Relationship
How to Say Sorry
How to Save Your Marriage

References

*University Of Massachusetts At Amherst. UMass Researcher Finds Most People Lie In Everyday Conversation. ScienceDaily, 12 Jun. 2002, via ScienceDaily

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