Signs of infidelity

Infidelity warning signs: signs of a cheating spouse or partner

Not what you are looking for?  Use my Sitemap or do a Site search.

You may be suspicious about your partner/spouse's behaviour, because you can, or suspect you can, see the signs of infidelity.  If so, it is understandable if you are feeling scared and/or angry.

He/she might deny all, whilst you know that something is not right - there are infidelity warning signs you cannot stop thinking about.  You may have tried to deny it to yourself for a while.  However, very likely you are increasingly distressed and worried about the meaning of all the signs.  Stick with me, because you are very likely to need someone to tell you that you are not going mad.

Be sure to also visit my page: Surviving infidelity and Interpreting bodylanguage (see links below), where you will find a really interesting video clip with Dr Helen Fisher.  She explains what systems in the brain are involved with regards to love, lust and attachment.

However, you are here because your relationship/marriage is not working, so Save Your Marriage/relationship.  Be prepared: Lee Baucom, PhD does not believe in so-called couple counsellors - those with just a couple of days of training, use outdated methods or focus too much on the past and little attention to what you can do differently in the future.

Just as well I trained with the UK's best-known and most trusted couple counselling agency RELATE and work in a very similar way to Lee!

What are the infidelity warning signs?

Nothing I can say or write will give you a definite answer and I would want you to be careful not to jump to conclusions about the signs of infidelity.  However, a combination of the following signs, that your husband, wife or partner is cheating, are what you should be looking for.

Here is what might indicate that your partner, spouse or boy/girlfriend could possibly be having an affair:

• Body language (see below for non-verbal communication)
• What is said and what is left out
• How it is said
• Actions that don’t fit his/her values and beliefs
• Behaviour that is ‘out of the ordinary’
• Secrecy around use of mobile phones and computers - this is definitely an infidelity warning sign, unless your partner is hiding something else
• Unusual questions about your whereabouts (of course he/she could be planning a surprise for, but it could also be a sign of infidelity)

I know it is difficult to be confronted with the signs that your husband is cheating, or infidelity warning signs of your cheating wife (or partner).  You may have your worst fears confirmed.  Do explore all my other pages too - there is much on this site that can help you deal with it all.

What about the body language of someone who is lying?

Research shows that as human beings we are all too keen to tell a lie.  You may even be aware that your husband/wife/spouse is particularly prone to lying.  However, you need to see these infidelity warning signs in the context of all the other signs of infidelity.

• Your partner/spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend maybe looking down as he/she is talking to you - a possible sign of guilt
• His or her eyes maybe shifting all over the place, trying to avoid your gaze
• He/she may stare at you, holding your gaze as they know about #2
• He/she tends to blink more when staring
• He or she maybe hiding his/her hands (a left-over from childhood: "I didn't do that, honest") Watch the videos at www.bodylanguageguide.co.uk
• He or she is generally 'not themselves'.  This could of course be that they are struggling with some other personal issue.  However, it can certainly mean a sign of infidelity.
• They may blush when you talk about the subject (be careful they maybe embarrassed, but not actually guilty)

Be careful how you interpret body language signs though.  It is really important to look at how she/he is different from what you would normally observe.

Here are the moments when you need to be particularly observant.

• Observe carefully when you are asking a question relating to your partner's where-abouts or activities.
  Being confronted with a question, particularly when least expected, is likely to cause a degree of discomfort.  Your partner maybe stroking, rubbing their head and neck, covering their eyes or mouth.
• Look for differences in how he/she would normally behave whilst they are thinking about a question.
• Watch and listen out for signs of discomfort as he/she is attempting to answer the question.

8 Behavioural signs pointing to possible infidelity

• Avoiding any conversation about your relationship can point towards your partner having an affair
• Avoiding certain subjects can be a sure warning sign of infidelity
• Changing the subject for no apparent reason, even if talking about a subject not apparently linked
• Hiding their phone, particularly if it used to be out in the open
• Changing dress style.  If your spouse/partner is suddenly taking more of an interest in their looks, then you would want to be suspicious as this really can be a sign of infidelity
• Starting going to the gym and working out regularly
• Paying generally more attention to their looks
• Dropping a name in the conversation once too often
• Acting 'out of the ordinary' generally

What your partner might be saying

There are further warning signs of infidelity that all is not what it seems.  How keen he/she is to show their 'true' self.

Signs of infidelity can be found in exactly what language your partner/girl/boyfriend is using, how she/he might steer a conversation and/or avoid talking about stuff.

• They make it sound that you have a problem and it is all your fault
• They tell you (and themselves?) that they are 'just good friends'
• They make generally derogatory remarks to you - they need to have a 'reason' for an affair and justify it, by your behaviour
• Things they say somehow don’t seem 'stack up', without you necessarily being able to put your finger on it

Your friends often see the signs of infidelity before you

• Your friends may already suspect or know about the affair - they have seen the signs before you
• They may be evasive when you approach the subject
• They may not know what to do with the information
• They are likely to be weighing up the cost of telling you about the warning signs of infidelity, or what they already know for sure
• They may think it better to let sleeping dogs lie
• Real friends will do whatever they think is right for you (or them, or the friendship), even if you think differently

Don’t shoot the messenger if they tell you!  Sadly, the 'other woman/man' could be amongst your friends.

Signs of infidelity?

I have worked with hundreds of individuals and couples, when one of them was suspicious on account of infidelity warning signs.  Having the right kind of support and advice, from someone completely independent, can make the difference between yet another sleepless night or a plan of action that helps you to feel more in control.

If you are at all wondering whether or not to stay in this relationship and really don't know what to do, this end relationship quiz can help to make the right decision.

If you really value your relationship and have absolutely no intention of letting your partner slip away, then now is the time to take action - fight back.  Here is a really fun resource that could help you to inject your relationship with a bit of spice: Text The Romance Back.

You will also want to be prepared in case your partner suddenly says he/she want to end your relationship/marriage.  See my page: How to get your ex back.

How to spot a liar

Pamela Meyer, author of 'Lie Spotting', is a world renowned expert on lying.  Learn some surprising facts from what she has to say by watching this video.

You may also be interested in:	Food affects your mood!
Surviving infidelity Interpreting body language Types of nonverbal communication Warning signs of a break up How to end a relationship

---

Other helpful links:

Save Your Marriage/relationship
Psychological Science - Press release: Lie detections misconceptions and pitfalls
Infidelity and GDP - a study by Bobby Goldstein Productions

Images courtesy of: 1 Billy Alexander; 2 Martin Boulanger

---