Part 1, Part 2
In Part 1 of this article we looked at some of the problems you might be having that could be contributing towards your low libido.
On this page you can find some more potential causes, together with some things for you to think about that could help you to overcome these problems and increase your interest in your sex life.
Our brain hasn't changed for tens of thousands of years. Back then, we'd have been very unlikely to have felt relaxed enough to have sex and enjoy ourselves with the threat of a sabre tooth tiger lurking in the bushes!
Today we have no sabre tooth tigers, but there are many other reasons that can cause anxiety. If you suffer from anxiety, it may be stopping you from being able to have an enjoyable, healthy physical relationship. However, having sex may help bring anxiety levels down due to the influence of the calming/bonding hormone oxytocin.
I strongly believe it'd be far more helpful for you to do all you can to bring down your anxiety levels, rather than look for female libido boosters. I'd give the same advice if you're suffering specific fears around having a physical relationship. You may not need to learn how to increase female libido - your libido will improve when you feel more relaxed. There is a great hypnosis download to help you relax and reach orgasm.
If you're suffering from general anxiety, excessive worry, panic attacks, fears and/or phobias, then I recommend Chris Bayliss' program, Panic Miracle.
Chris himself suffered dreadfully from the most terrible anxiety for many years. He didn't find any cure after visiting a whole range of doctors, psychiatrists, hypnotherapists, acupuncturists, etc. Instead, he did masses of research and over time cured himself.
He has since cured countless people of their panic attacks and has now developed Panic Miracle, which has helped many thousands of people get rid of their anxiety for good.
If you're really struggling to motivate yourself to get up in the morning, it's not surprising that you just can't be bothered with sex. In this case, it's time to contact a good counsellor!
Depression is mostly caused by essential emotional needs not being met in balance. Before you consider how to increase female libido, I would really like you to feel better in yourself, and to start this off by addressing your feelings of depression.
Just a little note of warning: antidepressants often cause low libido and general lack of romantic feelings - a rather depressing side effect!
Hop straight over to my page, Hypnosis FAQ, to learn how you can cure yourself from depression with their fabulous complete depression download bundle.
You can be cured of that depression, without antidepressant medication (which incidentally increases your risk of suffering further episodes of depression!).
How comfortable are you with your own body? If you're not at all, you can make a gentle start by very slowly exploring your own body, step by tiny step. Use a mirror, even if it's a really tiny one to start with.
Whatever the cause of your discomfort, this is a really important first step. Take your time and learn how different parts of your body respond to your touch. I know it's not going to happen overnight, but I also know that you can do it. Be kind, rather than judging yourself. Take it step by tiny step and treat everything that happens as feedback.
There's no point in learning how to increase female libido and/or just taking a female libido booster if you don't ever become comfortable in your own skin.
This is definitely one for a specialist therapist, but you might first want to try the Hypnosis Download that treats vaginismus.
If you do go to see a specialist, they'll have a specific way of sorting the problem out for you - by way of talking therapy and things you can do at home. Don't worry - all will be done at your pace - ever so gently.
Giving birth and breastfeeding shift the whole spectrum of hormones. You may also be sore from the birth, particularly after an episiotomy or caesarean.
Breastfeeding and looking after a new baby take an enormous amount of energy. No wonder you may often feel exhausted.
A change in hormone levels, and a consequent lack of desire, is nature's way of ensuring that you're not likely to fall pregnant again too soon. Wait and see how you recover, how the scars heal - no immediate cure, just a little patience!
However, this may be an ideal time to invest in your physical relationship in other ways (see above).
If you've had a hysterectomy and your ovaries were removed at the same time, a sudden drop in testosterone can cause a lowering of your libido.
A good surgeon or family doctor would have discussed hormone replacement therapy with you. It's not too late to start HRT, if that's what you want to do. However, I really want you to be sure that you are very well-informed before you make that decision.
Again - you might want to consider HRT, but inform yourself first of all the advantages and disadvantages. You could perhaps consider alternative treatments instead.
A poor nutritional state can lead to sexual dysfunction and in particular a low libido too. Vit B12 is the energy vitamin and low levels of Vit D3 are known to be linked with a lack of sex drive, to just give you a snapshot.
It won't help, though, to just start popping vitamin pills when you have no interest in sex. Many of the vitamin supplements available are synthetic - they are unlikely to be absorbed by your body and if they are absorbed they're often not utilised.
First and foremost you'll need to want to take responsibility for looking after yourself, and nurturing yourself with a healthy diet and exercise. Only when you take control of that aspect of your life will your energy and self-esteem, improve and with that - your interest in sex.
Safe and sufficient exposure to sunlight will improve your uptake of Vit D with huge health benefits. So, get yourself outside - start walking!
Esther Perel researched desire in a long-term relationship. This video is so watchable - funny and very interesting!
Well... I suspect you'd find it much easier to pop some pills, eat some libido boosters and be done with it. However, how many oysters can you really eat?!
Certainly there are indeed foods that are supposed to increase desire. However, a focus on one area of human functioning invariably causes problems in others. Ultimately, with a healthy body and mind you should have a healthy desire, so the best advice I can give you is - deal with the underlying problems.
The question of how to increase your libido, really, is a question about general health and lifestyle - however boring that sounds!
Part 1, Part 2
BASRT (British Association for Sexual and Relationship Therapy)
Research into the effectiveness of the book: A tired woman' guide to passionate sex
British Medical Journal - Thumbs down for testosterone patch