In love with a person with narcissistic personality disorder question

by Jill
(Dallas, Texas)

From Jill.
I love a man and he does love me. One year ago I left the relationship...there had been resentments growing on my side and a couple of big things that happened. We had been in therapy for two and a half years also. Type A personality, work work work all the time. If not working, he tells everyone that he is working and how difficult it is.

If we go out, it's to the hardware store or some store he needs to go to. I will go with him but he's too busy to go with me if I go somewhere. If we go to the movies...very rarely, he brings work. On Valentine's Day, I wanted a necklace which cost $100 and he said it was too much. I then said I was going to buy it myself. He said, oh, take my credit card and get it for yourself...I did not.

The resentments built because (taking full responsibility here) I would accept (well, I wouldn't like it and said so) the not being able to answer his phone at home, not being able to say something which might hurt him, not being able to say what I needed without making him feel that I was somehow "challenging" him...I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture.

But resentments built, I accepted these things (but what could I have done...he will not change the way he does things and wants pure acceptance and freedom to be himself).

Then one day we were walking downtown at 11 pm at night and he said something like, "that feels like you are cutting off my arm", I said, "why do you have to put violence in this?" He said he was walking home alone and strode off. I stood dumbfounded. I walked home and when I opened the door the alarm went off. I asked why and he said that I wasn't welcome in his home that night and must find an alternate place to go. I left crying and should not have returned, but as usual, I did after we talked the next day.

He said because he holds 3 FCC licenses and if someone were to have heard me say the violent word, his livelihood could be taken away. He defends it to this day and says he did it for US.

Another time he was in my way (we were having a somewhat heated discussion) and I couldn't move, so I pushed him with my body. He threatened to call 911 but did not as I found out. These things along with other things...the fact he hates the word change, will say everything so "right" but there is no follow through...so complicated, so self-oriented.

I have my faults too, of course. Am I a fool to get back into this? I am 51 and lonely for a companion...I have been reading books about just accepting...serenity prayer, etc. I am just afraid I can't do this...and will leave again.

We have been talking and taking walks recently. He always talks about his being so mentally healthy...and that he knows I have the capability to do it. His friends say, I can't. He has a way of explaining things which sound so convincing...problems with girlfriends leaving all his life.

What does he fear? Very fearful man...very OCD about everything.

Should I run or at 51 just learn to accept and not get all bent out of shape?

Thank you!

Read Elly's reply to Jill.