Im bored and feel like I'm missing out

by Nic
(Arvada co)

From Nic, with Elly's reply
Over the past few months I have felt like I'm missing out on the best years of my life and I feel she is too.

I have tried spicing up our sex life ( I am interested in expanding our sexual horizons, yet she is happy with the way it is.)

I am almost 21 and Claire is almost 18. We have been together for almost 2 years.

Claire is very involved in school. I grow medical mj for cancer patients etc.
She is very understanding and loving, yet sometimes a little over the top emotionally.

To my knowledge neither of us are or have been depressed. What should I do?

Elly's reply

Nic you have not really given me sufficient information to really help you. Although I have asked specific questions, the answers they provide really only cover the basics. Please tell me the story of your relationship if you would like a more detailed reply.

At age 18 I think it is very understandable that Claire is very involved in school. It is normal and healthy for her to do that. That is where she will meet her friends, stretch herself emotionally and intellectually, and prepare herself for life.

I wonder if you too have your own friends, go out, have hobbies and interests?

Your concern seems to be about sex, but I don't read that you are particularly concerned about the rest of your relationship. I wonder what is going well in your relationship.

What do the two of you do together when you are not having sex? Do you have any common interests? How do you show her that you love her, other than with sex? What kind of conversations are you having?

I wonder what Claire is 'emotional' about? Could it be about you? You may find it helpful to familiarise yourself with my pages on relationship communication. You might find that you become hugely more attractive to Claire if you can really listen to her and be genuinely empathic.

Helping Claire to feel special, taking a real interest in her, not going on about sex and not expecting every cuddle or kiss to be a prelude to sex, Nic, will actually put her in a better mood and help her to be more relaxed with you.

Only when you take plenty time - not in hours, but in weeks and months - will she get to really trust you and ultimately perhaps happier to try out new things.

If you are unwilling to, or don't feel committed enough to put that kind of effort into the relationship, then you may need to consider ending it.

However, you may just find that the problem repeats itself with another girl. Even if she is prepared to go along with your sexual interests initially, without your investing in other aspects of the relationship, she is likely to feel used at some point. likely to feel used.

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