If you're dealing with infidelity at the moment, I'm so glad you've landed here. I so hope I can help you to understand and manage your emotions at this difficult time, and help you find out how to put your life back together again.
If you've landed here via a search engine, remember that you're in the middle of my article and you may want to visit Part 1 first.
You know how you can feel 'sucked in' to the drama of the moment? How you can feel a complete loss of control? How your imagination can work overtime? You can get a grip on that with self-hypnosis, but I'll discuss that further down.
Surviving infidelity means being back in the driving seat again, making decisions and healing. But first let me reassure you about your reaction...
Your reactions - your thoughts and feelings - will depend somewhat on whether your discovery of the infidelity was a total shock to you. You could also have been suspicious for some time.
It really is no wonder that you're feeling completely 'out of sorts'!
When you're dealing with the fall-out of your partner having an affair, it will help for you to know what perfectly normal reactions and feelings you can expect.
At various stages, you can expect to have the following reactions...
If you were in my counselling room wanting to know how to get over an affair I would be telling you to be gentle with yourself. You have had a shock and you need to give yourself a little time and understanding.
It's very natural that you're feeling down. This doesn't need to mean that you are suffering from depression though. However, if you do suffer from depression it could complicate your recovery. Therefore I would want you to do something about it now! Have a look at my page Hypnosis Online FAQs and Downloads for further details.
It might also help you to know that you are grieving for the loss of your relationship - as it was. You are mourning the loss of trust and the loss of the partner you 'used to know'.
The shock of the discovery of infidelity usually causes a huge emotional crisis, particularly if you have caught your partner, husband or wife cheating. You can end up in a kind of trance, with your attention completely locked on the problem!
Your emotional brain (limbic system) is in charge, which makes it difficult to think straight. Therefore please trust me when I say that right now it is a really bad time to make life-changing decisions. Overcoming infidelity means biding your time.
Initially surviving infidelity means nothing more than letting the fog lift. Give yourself at least a couple of weeks to just calm down a bit. Only when you start to feel a little better can you begin to consider what your next step should be in overcoming infidelity.
In the meantime, you may want to also begin to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship to help turn things around. Have a look at my Positive Communication Kit for Couples.
Your partner's affair is not your fault. Your partner made a choice. Yes, you play a role in what happens in your relationship, but you are not responsible for your partner's decisions.
Dealing with infidelity does mean that you both need to work hard at making the relationship work again. However, the 'work' that needs to be done is different for each of you in the early stages.
You'll also find Dealing With Infidelity (Part 1) helpful.
Read on to Part 3 for my tips on Surviving and overcoming infidelity in three clear steps.
Image courtesy of: smile_kerry