how to stop arguing so much?

by April
(US)

April's request and Elly's advice.
The problem exactly is we argue over the littlest things and can't seem to stop. It's an everyday ordeal and it has been going on for the past two weeks. We basically live together and have for the past two months. I'm 23 and he is 32. We have no children.
I'm not financially bad off, but I don't know on his part. i'm in the army and he is a labourer.
I don't want it to end the relationship. I just want to know ways to stop the arguing before it gets to the point that we do call it quits.

Elly's relationship advice


April, I was in two minds whether or not to respond to your request, as you simply haven't written enough of your story for me to give you any personalised advice.

However, there is just one thing that may help you and others reading this page.

All the information on how to stop arguing is already available on and on many other pages, yet you asked me that very question.

I am therefore guessing that you are now just too emotional - angry, hurt, frightened, etc - to think straight! You are simply not in the 'right frame of mind' to even begin to solve the problem.

So, here is my advice for you, April. Make use all that you know about calming yourself. Get out of the house into the fresh air and exercise, talk to someone you trust (maybe there is someone in the army you can talk to/ask for help), listen to calming music and let go of the idea that you can change your partner.

No matter what you say to him now is going to make any difference - as he too is too angry and upset. All you can do now is to calm yourself, that might in itself help you to see to problems from a different angle.

Take good care of yourself. If you feel stronger and less frightened, you may be better able to take in all the information I have already provided and have a much more helpful conversation with your partner. The more emotional we are as human beings, the less likely it is that what comes out of our mouth is of any real use!

I wish you all the best, April.

Elly

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