How to increase female libido effectively

By Updated: 4 Sep 2017

I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?'. He said, "I don't want to wake you up."


Joan Rivers, Comedian

If you're in need of a female libido booster, because you just have no sexual desire - the good news is that problems with libido are often temporary.

If you want to know how to increase your desire I'm so glad you've found my page. In this article I've listed what could possibly affect your libido, and what to do about it.

You need to know what caused your lack of sexual desire first before you know what might boost it. I've included some excellent resources to help you increase your libido as quickly as possible.

It is, however, really important that you see a doctor first. There are a number of health conditions, such as anaemia and thyroid problems, that could stand in the way of your enjoyment of a healthy physical relationship.

Hop over to my article on how to deal with Sexual Relationship Problems first though.

A woman's desire for sex is based on a complex interaction of many components affecting intimacy, including physical well-being, emotional well-being, experiences, beliefs, lifestyle and current relationship. If you're experiencing a problem in any of these areas, it can affect your sexual desire.*

What could possibly underlie your lack of libido?

We can now look at some other problems that may be underlying your low libido and perhaps lack of reaching a climax. You may be suffering with...

10 Problems that can affect female desire

  1. Problems reaching orgasm
  2. Tightening of the vagina (although a female libido 'booster' won't work for this)
  3. Pain, such as vulvodynia - pain in the skin surrounding the vagina (Click here for hypnosis treatment of here for FAQ about hypnosis)
  4. Trauma - no need to know about how to increase female libido - dealing with the trauma would probably solve your problem (see part 2)
  5. Shyness when talking about what works and what doesn't, what you like and don't like
  6. Relationship problems
  7. Stress
  8. Tiredness
  9. crisis in your life
  10. Medication

Your recovery from any of these problems can be hugely improved with the help of a professional.

Who might that be?

  • a (specially trained) physician
  • a psychosexual therapist, or the very least...
  • a relationship counsellor

For starters you could connect - in confidence - with an online expert counsellor (see my page: Online Relationship Advice).

I really get that you'd rather take a 'magic pill', but it's best not to take a shortcut where it concerns your health and happiness.

How to increase female libido

How to increase libido - heart with stars and sparkles

When you're looking at how to improve your libido, all of the points below play a part, but not all will apply to you. You may consider that some of these aspects of your well-being are obviously 'not you'.

As you're reading on stay aware of how you react to any of the points I mention. For example you may feel yourself reacting to my comments on stress, trauma and relationship problems. That reaction could give you an indication that these issues are likely to play a part in your lack of libido.

Why not do something about it right now?

Another great way to start tackling your problems is hypnosis. At HypnosisDownloads they know how to sort and soothe your unconscious mind! They have an excellent female libido booster: Increase Female Libido (link to my page on hypnosis FAQ and downloads). It'll help you to safely and fairly effortlessly increase your sex drive.

So, if right now you have little time or patience to read further and you just want to get it sorted - self hypnosis is the way to go.

What might be lowering your libido?

Let's take a closer look at some of the potential underlying causes now. I so hope I can help you identify what your own particular problems might be, so that you can start to increase your libido.

Are you feeling stressed?

It's no wonder that you can't be doing with sex when you're stressed. We evolved millions of years ago at a time when stress meant having to make a decision about having lunch or being in danger of becoming lunch!  It doesn't take much to imagine that it would be impossible to have sex when there is a risk of being attacked by a tiger!

However, whilst you're unlikely to be at risk of being attacked by an animal, you may well be living with high levels of stress. Your libido will increase when you learn to relax.

I promise you that a whole host of other complaints will reduce or even magically disappear too if you can manage your stress levels better.

Are you simply tired or completely worn out?

Do you have just too much to do? Well, if your physical relationship is suffering and you're in need of a female libido booster, I have no doubt that other aspects of your life are suffering too.  

I'm far more concerned about helping you to sort out your general tiredness than your low libido in this case. Female low libido is often linked with adrenal fatigue syndrome. Check out my page Adrenal Fatigue Symptoms to see if they fit with you.

The Energy Boosting Hypnosis Download (Hypnosis FAQ and downloads) is a good place to start. You may also find it helpful to visit my Problem Solving Strategies page to help you find out what's really at the bottom of this.

The question really is: do you want to resolve it, or do you know deep down that your tiredness helps you to avoid having sex for whatever reason? In other words, you may feel that you'd rather not know how to increase female libido.

There's a link at the bottom of this page to a research paper supporting a great book which can be a real help.

Trauma and its effect on libido

Have you been abused as a child or an adult? Or have you experienced some other trauma from which you haven't recovered? Pop over to my page on Signs and Symptoms of Trauma to learn more.

You really don't have to be walking around with that trauma in your head. Neither do you need to be 'managing' it by avoiding things that remind you of it - like engaging in a healthy physical relationship.

A counsellor really can help you put it in the past, and help you to move forward with your life.

Get help now. CLICK HERE to talk to a professional counsellor for free for a week.

Shyness

This issue can be a more challenging one to solve. It can need a bit more time - as I'm sure you're aware. However, it can absolutely be sorted.

You can make a really good start by reading generally about how to have a healthy sexual relationship. It'll help just to get comfortable with the language. You may also find the Shy Naked hypnosis download helpful.  

Just overcoming your shyness may improve your libido with no further need for female libido boosters.

If you have low self-esteem, perhaps a poor body-image, then the hypnosis download for Raising Your Self-Esteem is a must!

Relationship problems

I really encourage you to explore this website - I've published many articles about how to deal with relationship problems. Now is the time to do something about it, before it's too late.  

You could consider counselling to help you out of that rut you're stuck in, or you might like to try this Relationship Download Bundle.

If you're unhappy in your relationship it's very unlikely that you're going to really enjoy having sex. In this case, figuring out how to improve female libido is wasting your energy.

I wonder how you'd feel about suggesting relationship counselling or marriage guidance to your partner? If he or she isn't keen, you have no idea how to improve matters or neither of you really want couples counselling, then you might like: Save the Marriage/Relationship.

If by any chance you're in an abusive relationship, I'd really like to help you to put a stop to that now. The hypnosis download, The Courage to Leave an Abusive Relationship, can help you to pluck up the courage to make an important change. Not sure if you could call your relationship abusive?  You can find out in this Relationship Test.

If you're not sure that you're in the right relationship, then this Compatibility Quiz/Relationship Test can help you find out if your relationship or marriage has a chance and is the right one for you.

Anxiety or specific fears

Our brain hasn't changed for tens of thousands of years. Back then, we'd have been very unlikely to have felt relaxed enough to have sex and enjoy ourselves with the threat of a sabre tooth tiger lurking in the bushes!

Today we have no sabre tooth tigers, but there are many other reasons that can cause anxiety. If you suffer from anxiety, it may be stopping you from being able to have an enjoyable, healthy physical relationship. However, having sex may help bring anxiety levels down due to the influence of the calming/bonding hormone oxytocin.

I strongly believe it'd be far more helpful for you to do all you can to bring down your anxiety levels, rather than look for female libido boosters. I'd give the same advice if you're suffering specific fears around having a physical relationship. You may not need to learn how to increase female libido - your libido will improve when you feel more relaxed. There is a great hypnosis download to help you relax and reach orgasm.

If you're suffering from general anxiety, excessive worry, panic attacks, fears and/or phobias, then I recommend Chris Bayliss' program, Panic Miracle.

Chris himself suffered dreadfully from the most terrible anxiety for many years. He didn't find any cure after visiting a whole range of doctors, psychiatrists, hypnotherapists, acupuncturists, etc. Instead, he did masses of research and over time cured himself.

He has since cured countless people of their panic attacks and has now developed Panic Miracle, which has helped many thousands of people get rid of their anxiety for good.

Depression

If you're really struggling to motivate yourself to get up in the morning, it's not surprising that you just can't be bothered with sex. In this case, it's time to contact a good counsellor!  

Depression is mostly caused by essential emotional needs not being met in balance. Before you consider how to increase female libido, I would really like you to feel better in yourself, and to start this off by addressing your feelings of depression.

Just a little note of warning: antidepressants often cause low libido and general lack of romantic feelings - a rather depressing side effect!

Hop straight over to my page, Hypnosis FAQ, to learn how you can cure yourself from depression with their fabulous complete depression download bundle.  

You can be cured of that depression, without antidepressant medication (which incidentally increases your risk of suffering further episodes of depression!).

Problems reaching orgasm?

How comfortable are you with your own body? If you're not at all, you can make a gentle start by very slowly exploring your own body, step by tiny step. Use a mirror, even if it's a really tiny one to start with.

Whatever the cause of your discomfort, this is a really important first step. Take your time and learn how different parts of your body respond to your touch. I know it's not going to happen overnight, but I also know that you can do it. Be kind, rather than judging yourself. Take it step by tiny step and treat everything that happens as feedback.

There's no point in learning how to increase female libido and/or just taking a female libido booster if you don't ever become comfortable in your own skin.

Tightening of the vagina?

This is definitely one for a specialist therapist, but you might first want to try the Hypnosis Download that treats vaginismus.  

If you do go to see a specialist, they'll have a specific way of sorting the problem out for you - by way of talking therapy and things you can do at home. Don't worry - all will be done at your pace - ever so gently.

Recently given birth?  Breastfeeding?

Giving birth and breastfeeding shift the whole spectrum of hormones. You may also be sore from the birth, particularly after an episiotomy or caesarean.  

Breastfeeding and looking after a new baby take an enormous amount of energy. No wonder you may often feel exhausted.

A change in hormone levels, and a consequent lack of desire, is nature's way of ensuring that you're not likely to fall pregnant again too soon. Wait and see how you recover, how the scars heal - no immediate cure, just a little patience!

However, this may be an ideal time to invest in your physical relationship in other ways (see above).

Ovaries removed?

If you've had a hysterectomy and your ovaries were removed at the same time, a sudden drop in testosterone can cause a lowering of your libido.

A good surgeon or family doctor would have discussed hormone replacement therapy with you. It's not too late to start HRT, if that's what you want to do. However, I really want you to be sure that you are very well-informed before you make that decision.

Post-menopausal?

Again - you might want to consider HRT, but inform yourself first of all the advantages and disadvantages. You could perhaps consider alternative treatments instead.

Vitamin deficiencies

A poor nutritional state can lead to sexual dysfunction and in particular a low libido too. Vit B12 is the energy vitamin and low levels of Vit D3 are known to be linked with a lack of sex drive, to just give you a snapshot.

It won't help, though, to just start popping vitamin pills when you have no interest in sex. Many of the vitamin supplements available are synthetic - they are unlikely to be absorbed by your body and if they are absorbed they're often not utilised.

First and foremost you'll need to want to take responsibility for looking after yourself, and nurturing yourself with a healthy diet and exercise. Only when you take control of that aspect of your life will your energy and self-esteem, improve and with that - your interest in sex.

Safe and sufficient exposure to sunlight will improve your uptake of Vit D with huge health benefits. So, get yourself outside - start walking!

The secret to desire in a long-term relationship

Esther Perel researched desire in a long-term relationship. This video is so watchable - funny and very interesting!

What about female libido 'boosters'?

Well... I suspect you'd find it much easier to pop some pills, eat some libido boosters and be done with it. However, how many oysters can you really eat?!

Certainly there are indeed foods that are supposed to increase desire. However, a focus on one area of human functioning invariably causes problems in others.  Ultimately, with a healthy body and mind you should have a healthy desire, so the best advice I can give you is - deal with the underlying problems.

The question of how to increase your libido, really, is a question about general health and lifestyle - however boring that sounds!

New! Rate this article (anonymously)...

I really hope this article is of help to you. :-)

I frequently update my articles based on feedback, therefore I really value your vote. If you think I've missed something, please do let me know in the comment section below.

Thank you so much in anticipation. :-)

Related articles

Surviving Infidelity
Breaking Up Tips and Advice
PTSD Symptoms
How to Stop Arguing
Adrenal Fatigue Symptoms
Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome
Problem Solving Strategies
How to Find a Counsellor

References

*MayoClinic.com Low Sex Drive in Women Information

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Elly Prior

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