How to get over someone

It doesn't matter right now if the object of your affection is an ex-partner or spouse, a lover or someone you couldn't have - no judging here. You just want to know how to get over him or her, because oh the pain, the pain!

Not being able to be with him or her can be 'hell' and concentrating on anything else or just enjoying yourself is so hard.

You may be working with him or her, seeing or meeting them every day, they may be part of your friendship group or the father or mother of your children. Whatever it is - you wish you could get them out of your mind, even if you're desperately wishing they could be part of your life! It's like they're permanently camping inside your head.

If you were actually in a relationship with that person, you may or may not have had an inkling that it's was going to end. If it was a shock I'm quite sure you feel stunned and massively rejected. You could stay in bed and weep all day!

Keep reading, I am going to really try and help you out here. If your pain isn't about unrequited love or a crush, then click here for advice on how to get over someone you love - your ex.

The hidden pain of unrequited love

Maybe you never actually had a relationship with that person, but you so wish you had.  Maybe there's a good reason you can never have a relationship with that someone - that person has rejected you, too old, too young, married or spoken for.

However painful and difficult, it's such a normal feeling! You are not 'off your rocker' at all.  Watch the video further down for an explanation and stick with me - I am going to be right here for you!

Don't want to hang around?  Need fast relief?  Download the 'How to get over a relationship' hypnosis MP3 or 'Unrequited love'. Don't like the sound of hypnosis? Have a look at my page FAQ about self-hypnosis.

Symptoms of unrequited love or a crush

Realising that you have recognisable symptoms can help. You'll realise that you're not alone in your desperate search for effective ways to get over someone. So, have a look at my list of signs and symptoms of either unrequited love or a massive crush (or indeed the start of a beautiful relationship!)

• Do you go to bed imagining that person right beside you?
• Do you imagine making love to that person, perhaps even whilst making love to someone else?
• Do you dream about that person?
• Do you wake up thinking about him/her?
• Do you think of any which way you can to be in touch?
• Can you think of all the excuses you have ever had to contact that person for 'legitimate' reasons?
• Do you find yourself making a detour in the hope you bump into him/her?
• Do you go over every single word they have spoken or written to identify the 'hidden' meaning?
• Are you desperately trying to interpret every touch?
• Are you constantly checking your emails, mobile, Facebook - whatever?
• Have you hit the gym, updated your wardrobe, skimped on meals to lose that extra fat?
  

I could go on of course - so many of clients tell me all of those things and more, when they have come to me wanting to know how to get over someone.  And in fact, I know them only too well myself! How many mirror your experience?

One last chance

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It may be too late, but if there is still a glimmer of hope have a look at my page on how to win your ex back. At the same time also take a peep at Text The Romance Back - a fab system for learning how to send fabulously enticing romantic text messages to get your ex to notice you again.

Where to start

Just stopping to think about that person is not going to help you get over him or her.  Here is a list with tried and tested ways to help you get over someone you love.

First of all - being emotional costs loads of energy, so you need to ensure that your body and mind are nurtured to help you feel strong in the face of temptation.

• Ensure you sleep well - visit my page on natural sleep remedies
• Limit your drinking with self-hypnosis - too much alcohol makes a huge demand on Vitamin B - vital for dealing with stress. See: How to do self-hypnosis.
• Take plenty exercise: aerobic exercise is great, particularly outdoors.  Fast walking for half an hour a day or at least five times a week will do the trick.
• Calm your mind easily and effectively with a hypnosis download.  You won't believe how relaxed you can be and you will be in far more able to think clearly and stop those unwelcome thoughts going round and round
• Calm your mind with soothing music (with about 80 beats per minute), Tai Chi, Yoga or meditation
• Were you suffering from anxiety even before all this happened? Read my review of this highly effective way to permanently get over panic and anxiety.
• Write 'never to be sent letters' to get things of your chest
• If you are suffering from depression (not just feeling down because you've had a disappointment or a relationship ending or are facing a divorce), you really need some help. Start with my depression questionnaire to help you see what's happening.
• Give yourself permission and set a time to indulge yourself in thoughts about           the object of your affection. Take no more than 20 minutes a day.  Get on with the rest of your life shelving any thoughts about that person until the allotted time.
• If an important relationship has come to an end, accept that you are grieving for the loss.  It's as if someone has died and you may feel part of you has died.  I know it can feel as if your heart is ripped out of your chest, but I so want to reassure you: it will get better!
• Learn to relax and meditate, I promise you - it's life-changing!
• Take the wonderful natural remedy Melancholy Lift to calm some of that sadness, grief and weepiness.

How to really get over someone

To the nitty gritty then.  Just for starters here are some probing questions to start your quest for knowledge and advice on how to get over someone.  The following will help you to get a different perspective and let go:

• If you were not spending your time obsessing about this person, how would you be spending your time?     
• How are you going to spend the next 20 years of your life?
• What opportunities are opening up for you without that person in your life?
• What restrictions and limitations would you have been facing if you were sharing your life with that person?
• What hurt and disappointments might you be facing if you were with him or her?
• What would you want to be telling your children/grandchildren in 20 years time?
• If you could reclaim all the energy that you have been investing in obsessing about this person, what would you be able to achieve with all that energy?

Make a new start

• Consider getting some counselling.  There is nothing quite like being able to get it all of your chest and get some strategies to deal with it.  A good counsellor should also know how to 'detraumatise' you.
• If you are in a relationship/marriage which you really value, consider going for couple counselling to help you re-invest in that relationship (particularly if you've been having an affair)
• If you can't imagine investing in re-invigorating your marriage or long-term relationship, consider ending it.  Visit my page on How to end a relationship (link further down) to learn how to do it with dignity and consideration for your and your partner's sake.
• If you are not now in a relationship, it would really help you to take on a project such as voluntary work, studies, special project at work, DIY, gardening, etc.  Brainstorm some ideas.
• Reinvest in your friendships.  Make a point of contacting people you haven't seen for a long time.
• Pay special attention to your role as an aunt, brother, granddaughter, son or whatever connects you to family.

If you really want to know how to get over someone, then the best relationship advice I can give you is to reconnect with people around you - friends, family, colleagues, etc.

Meeting our essential emotional need for a sense of community is one of the best ways to recover from anything!

Why is it so difficult to get over someone you love?

Biological anthropologist Helen Fisher knows all about it!  She has discovered that there are three circuits in the brain that affect how we experience love and affection. One circuit is linked with attachment, one with romantic love and one with lust.

Want to learn more about how to get over someone?  Just watch this video.

If you are short of time watch at least the first 10 minutes. Understanding how your brain works and how you may have got hooked will help you select the right strategies to get over him or her.

How to get over him or her forever

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When you really want to know how to get over someone hypnosis downloads are the most powerful tools - it goes right to the heart of the matter.  And no ... it won't get you to act like a clown!

HypnosisDownloads.com has specific downloads for your situation, such as How to get over someone or over a relationship.

If you have someone 'camping in your head', who doesn't have the same feelings for you - don't despair.  I have selected a very effective download that'll help you get a life again: 'Unrequited Love' as quickly as possible. Start with my page on How to do self-hypnosis to familiarise yourself a bit.

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