How to get over a (longterm) relationship
In Part 1 of this article we looked at some of the ways you might be feeling at the moment if you've recently suffered the loss of a relationship.
Getting over a relationship is always a process, never an 'overnight wonder'. On this page you'll find tons of, easy to digest and implement, tips and advice to help you speed up your journey of recovery.
Let's dive in straight away...
5 First aid tips to help you cope with a break-up and get over it faster
Here is what you need to do as soon as possible after the breakup however sore you are:
- Get your finances sorted as soon as possible. You may need to close and open new bank or credit card accounts
- Make a list of tasks/chores you completely relied on your partner to do (see video below)
- Tell the people who really matter - some will be great, but be prepared for the fact that some will be no help whatsoever
- Sign off sick for a few days (if at all possible) when you're unlikely to get any support from your colleagues. This is just so you can at least get over the initial shock (consider also self-hypnosis)
- Get someone else to fill your fridge, so that you do eat something and not just rubbish
Watch the video below to learn how Cari Weinburg dealt with the breakup of a longterm relationship...
10 Pieces of advice to help you deal with the aftermath of the breakup
- Be sure that you needed to end it - if it was indeed up to you. If you think you have made a mistake check out my Relationship Compatibility Quiz.
- Check out this blueprint, if there's even a slight chance you can win your partner back, if that is what you want.
- Talk to one of my expert counsellors right now iff you really feel you can't cope.
- Don't wait for every step in the separation/divorce proceedings - live your life. Focus on your new life, accepting that you're also grieving for the loss of the life you had prior to the breakup. I promise you it'll get better.
- Ditch hanging on to the past. Accept that this moment is as it is - it's time to move on. I know that is far more difficult to do than it is to say/write. I have experienced that for myself!
- Reach out to supportive people at work - you’re going to need them when you need a 'duvet day'. You’ll also want to see a kind face when you have a breakdown at the water cooler!
- Accept that family and friends may find it difficult to deal with the situation too. They may have loved your partner and, depending on circumstances, may want or need to carry on seeing him or her.
- Find a good lawyer (see my page: How to Find a Lawyer) if you have property, and a good friend to help you divide possessions if necessary.
- Be at the very least polite towards each other - arguing is a waste of your precious energy (particularly important if you have children)
- Stay away from the antidepressants!
You may need to sob your heart out, but that doesn't mean you won't be able to handle the breakup or get over this relationship
You don't want to 'just' get over this relationship - you want to be able to move on to happier times...
I wish I could be there with you now to tell you that things will be OK again. But as I can’t, instead here are some further ideas that I can offer you to help you recover:
10 Tips to get you to move on to happier times
- You might have had goals for yourselves as a couple; so instead you can set your own goals for yourself. Maybe these might be in terms of your education, your job, your social or family life, your hobbies… You can make a list and that’ll really give you something to focus on, and help you to move forwards with your life
- You’ll need time to 'process' what's happened, but please don't spend your whole day ruminating about your ex – it will only make you feel worse!
- Instead, give yourself a limited amount of time to think about her or him each day
- Writing is very therapeutic, so you could try keeping a journal.
- Spend time with family and friends, however difficult this might be. If you focus on them, that can help to shift your attention from your ex and your sadness
- Remind yourself of all the bad times with your ex
- Remind yourself of all his or her bad habits… although try to just acknowledge them, rather than judging them if you can!
- Clear out one or two items a day that remind you of him or her, but do be mindful of the children
- Plan for tomorrow - write a list - before you go to sleep
- Create an absorbing and enjoyable focus away from the trouble and use your existing skills and knowledge to start a brand new project
Can you really get over a break-up?
It’s normal to feel devastated and think you’re never going to get over a relationship. But I promise you – you will feel better over time.
You’re grief-stricken rather than depressed, but the information on my page about Natural Treatment for Depression might be helpful too as it has lots of strategies to help you feel better sooner rather than later.
Dealing with Infidelity
How to Get over Someone
How to Get over Infidelity
How to End a Relationship
Don't Let Your Children Suffer
How Divorce Affects Your Children
Tips to Find the Best Divorce Lawyer
Natural Treatment for Depression
The Most Common Relationship Problems
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