How to divorce
- with the least amount of pain
If you're looking for help and advice on how to divorce, then you've landed in the right place! I have put together this step-by-step guide to walk you through the process - and I so hope this will help you get through this difficult time.
Do be sure to start off with my divorce tips in Part 1 before you carry on with this section. I'll still be here when you get back.
Step 2: Divorce advice on how to deal with your emotions - 7 tips
My top divorce tips - whether or not you are the instigator - for knowing how to divorce are:
- Be sure to remain calm when talking with your spouse at all times however difficult (there's nothing to be gained from further rows at this point)
- Stay calm when you speak to anyone who is fond of her or him
- Read my articles on children and divorce - so that you can contain yourself when you feel pushed to the limit and want to badmouth your spouse in front of the children
- Work off that 'wound up' feeling with physical exercise. Any kind of sport - like aerobics, yoga or Tai Chi - can make a real difference
- Try to prevent yourself taking flight by drinking too much alcohol (see Stages of Alcoholism) or by comfort eating, smoking, taking drugs or endlessly staring at a computer or television screen
- Find a good Divorce Lawyer
- Don't for a minute think that revenge is going to make you feel better!
I will forever be grateful for your advice to handle the divorce in a way that inflicts the least pain on the family and ex-spouse and to come out of the process with the most dignity possible.
Some days are still better than others. But I've never regretted or second guessed my decision. I believe this is, in part, due to the wise advice you offer on your website.
Thank you again. You're my hero.
Stay calm - a most important bit of advice when you are divorcing!
You might feel the that awful scream inside your chest. You may want the freedom to yell as much as you like at whoever you want, because you are stress up to your eyeball!
And at the same time I know you might just feel like hiding under the duvet right now. But I'd love to introduce you to something I think could really help much more than that...
All you need to do is put your headphones on, and listen to some hypnosis downloads. You'll feel loads better by allowing yourself to be soothed by one of these, rather than either crying yourself to sleep or lying awake for hours.
As well as some really good stress management downloads, there are some really good ones specifically for divorce such as Overcome Parental Guilt. I chose that one because I imagine that you may be worried about the effect that the divorce might have on your children.
If you've decided to separate or divorce, you'll need all your energy to manage the whole process with its roller-coaster ride of emotions. Guilt is understandable and it can lead you to take the utmost care - it can be a motivator. However, beyond that, it can also stop you from doing the right thing, it won't add anything useful and it'll sap your energy. If guilt becomes too overpowering it won't benefit your children. So, why not give it a try?
You might wonder how you'll never get over all this. Some of my clients have felt completely traumatised by the whole thing. Sometimes the endless conflicts that led up to the divorce have left them feeling battered and exhausted. I really want you to know that you will get over it. The hypnosis download: Get Over Divorce will speed up the healing, leaving you feeling calmer, wiser and more confident. What better advice can I give you!
Step 3: How to get divorced and not 'divorce' everyone else!
6 things to consider about your family and friends
Based on my experience with couples, I have some divorce tips and advice for dealing with friends and family. People often don't realise that life during such a significant separation could be much more manageable if they knew how to keep (most) their family and friends on both sides.
Before you tell your friends and family that you want or are going to separate or divorce, you may want to consider the following:
- you might need their support and friendship
- you're likely to have to continue seeing them (family gatherings, parties, etc.)
- they may feel they need to choose between you and your partner
- many couples get back together again months or years later, enjoy seeing each other on the odd occasion or even become firm friends (I know - it may surprise you!)
- your children are likely to want to continue seeing them
- your children will want to talk to you about them without fear that they're letting you down
I really recommend that you try to anticipate and plan for every possible reaction from your children, your family and friends - and those of your partner too. This will help you to prepare for any behaviours which might surprise or disappoint you.
What do these divorce tips really tell you? Be careful what you say about your spouse to your friends and family (including his or her family). However difficult it is and however badly you perceive your partner has behaved... always keep in mind the above possibilities.
What's the next step?
Join me in Part 3 for the final step in this guide on Divorce and Separation Tips, which deals with how you can manage the process of telling your friends and family about your situation.
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