Getting over a relationship

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Getting over a
relationship You just want to recover ... the pain is too much ... you just want to know how to get over a relationship as quickly as possible.

If that relationship was an affair, be sure to also visit my pages: Surviving infidelity, Dealing with infidelity and How to get over someone - links further down.

Maybe you have seen it coming or that dreadful news came completely out of the blue. Whichever way it happened you may as well suffer from a physical illness, because you just feel so out of control and horrible - suffering pain and anguish, feeling hurt and angry.

The good news is: you will recover. The bad news is: it may not happen as fast as you want it to, or the people around you expect or would want it to happen for your and their sake!

If you are having trouble getting over someone you have broken up with some time ago, you would do better to visit my page: how to get over someone (link further down).

Not much time of patience right now, or can't be doing with all the reading? Don't worry - download the "Getting over a relationship" hypnosis mp3 to speed up the whole ' getting over the ending' process - in the comfort of you own home.

If there is any chance at all that you are able to rescue the relationship and you still want to fight for it, then visit my page: How to get your ex back.

Important factors in getting over a relationship

Your reaction, and your ability to get over a relationship, to a large extend depend on your individual circumstances:

how recent was the split
how 'intense', or even 'obsessive', was it
how important was it to you (clearly, for you: very important, otherwise you would not have visited this page)
the length of the relationship/marriage
how it ended - see my page on How to end a relationship (link further down) for what should have happened
whether there was any domestic violence
whether or not the relationship was an affair

Whichever way it ended, you feel that loss acutely - you are in fact grieving. It can feel as if someone close to you has died. The psychological reaction of this type of loss is in fact much alike a bereavement.

On of the best ways to help you recover is getting some help dealing with those waves of emotions. I would recommend think about hypnosis and the download Mend Your Broken Heart would be the one to go for.

Has you relationship/marriage recently ended?

Getting over a relationship

If you have only recently broken up, you will feel at your worst right now. It is perfectly understandable that you are feeling completely 'off your rocker'. Nothing anybody can say is likely to make you feel better, other than that person saying he/she wants to be with you forever.

In the early stages you may therefore go through almost hourly ups and downs and can expect to:

feel you are suffering a nervous breakdown
suffer from a lack of sleep
feel tired a lot of the time
wake up exhausted
feel confused, unable to concentrate
feel irritable - snapping at the slightest
experience a change in appetite: comfort eating or eating very little
have digestive problems: feeling nauseous, ‘stomach’ pains
have a poor memory
have lost interest in the things you used to enjoy
have the same thoughts going round and round in your mind
feel unable to organise your thinking
‘revisit’ old memories, wondering if you had ‘it’ wrong

However painful - under the circumstances - all of this is normal. That intense 'rawness' begin to settle within a couple of weeks. The periods of time that you are feeling relatively OK will increase in frequency and length, over time.

Of course, progress depends on what your partner does too. If you or your ex-partner/husband/wife do all that you can to complicate matters, you are going to feel worse. Recovery will be delayed if one of you or both of you make it as difficult for the other as possible!

9 factors affecting your progress

Breaking up with someone when you have not been living together can be utterly devastating. However, when there are possessions and or/children, the whole business of a break up, separation and divorce becomes so much more complicated.

How quickly you will recover depends on a large extend on the following factors:

whether or not this is the first break up you have experienced
whether or not you are waiting for divorce proceedings
whether you have children
how well you behave towards each other
whether there are other stresses in your life
how supportive people at work are
how supportive your family and friends are
whether or not you have property/possessions to divide
how well you still communicate with each other

Each of these factors though offer an opportunity to make the ending as manageable as possible.

9 Tips to get over a relationship as well as possible

Linking with the above points here are my tips to get over the relationship:

First of all, you need to be sure that you needed to end it - if it was indeed up to you.
If you have not got over a previous relationship - now is the time to seek some counselling
Don't wait for every step in the divorce proceedings - live your life - focus on your new life, accepting that you are also grieving for the loss of the life prior to the breakdown
How the children get through this difficult time, depends a great deal on how you and your partner/husband/wife communicate from here on. Do your utmost to make it as civil as possible (see: How does divorce affect children).
There is no point in harping on about the past. Accept that this moment is as it is - now unavoidable
Look out for supportive people, you are going to need them when you want to arrange for a 'duvet day'. You will want to see a kind face at work when you have a breakdown at the water cooler!
Family and friends are going to find it difficult to deal with the situation too. They may have loved your partner and may or may not want/need to carry on seeing him/her.
Find a good lawyer (see my page: How to find a lawyer - link further down) if you have property and a good friend to help you divide possessions, if necessary.
At the very least be polite towards each other.

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How to move on when getting over a relationship

Here are some further ideas to help you recover:

you might have had goals for you as a couple - now set (write down) goals for yourself in terms of your education, job, DIY, friends, outings, family, etc.
you will need time to 'process' what has happened, but don't spend your whole day ruminating about your ex.
give yourself only a limited amount of time to think about her/him
writing is very therapeutic - keep a journal
spend time with family and friends, however difficult - focus on them
remind yourself of all the bad times with your ex
remind yourself of all his/her bad habits - just an acknowledgment, without judgment if you can!
clear out one or two items a day that you remind you of him/her, but mind the children
plan for tomorrow - write a list - before you go to sleep
create an absorbing and enjoyable focus away from the trouble and use your existing skills/knowledge to start a brand-new project, like starting your own online business.

Final top tips to help you get over a breakup

It is normal to feel devastated and think you are never going to get over a relationship. You will feel better over time. You are grieving - not depressed, but the information on my page: Natural treatment for depression might be helpful.

Fine-tune your relationship and lift your spirits!

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You may also be interested in:	Food affects your mood!
Dealing with infidelity How to get over someone Surviving infidelity How to end a relationship Children in the middle How does divorce affect children How to find a lawyer Natural treatment for depression Relationship problems