Getting over a relationship after an affair, breakup or divorce

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

I really feel for you right now if you’ve just broken up with someone. You’re probably feeling like the pain is too much. You just want to recover, and to know how to get over a relationship as quickly as possible.

Maybe you saw it coming, or perhaps the dreadful news came completely out of the blue. No matter how it happened, you’re probably feeling hurt, angry and in despair. It many ways, it’s just like suffering from a physical illness because you can feel out of control and simply horrible.  

The good news is: you will recover. I believe in you and know that you have the strength to do it.

The bad news is: it may not happen as fast as you want it to.  And it may not happen as fast as the people around you want it to either!

If you need help getting over an affair, I’ve written some special advice on this, so do have a look at Surviving Infidelity and Dealing with Infidelity

If you’re having trouble getting over someone you broke up with some time ago, I’ll be able to help you more if you have a look at How to Get Over Someone

Is it really too late?

If there’s any chance at all that you may be able to rescue the relationship and you still want to fight for it, then visit my page: How to Save Your Relationship or Marriage.

I’ve reviewed an excellent programme to restore (and perhaps even improve) your marriage or relationship. It was developed by Lee Baucom PhD, who is a very successful couple therapist.

7 important factors in getting over a relationship

Your reaction and your ability to get over a relationship after a break up or divorce depend to a large extent upon your individual circumstances. The following factors can all have an impact…

  1. the length of the relationship or marriage
  2. how recently you split up
  3. how 'intense', or even 'obsessive' the relationship was
  4. how important it was to you (clearly, for you: very important, otherwise you wouldn’t have visited this page)
  5. how it ended
  6. whether there was any domestic violence
  7. whether or not the relationship was an affair
Sign: The End

However it ended, you’ll feel the loss acutely. You are in fact grieving. It can feel as if someone close to you has died. The psychological reaction to this type of loss is much like a bereavement.

One way to speed up your recovery is to get some help dealing with those waves of emotions. I’d recommend hypnosis for this, and the download Mend Your Broken Heart and Getting Over a Relationship would be the ones to go for. See my page on Self-Hypnosis FAQ and Downloads.

Has your relationship or marriage recently ended?

If you’ve only recently broken up, you’ll feel at your worst right now. It’s perfectly understandable if you’re even feeling completely 'off your rocker'.  Nothing anybody can say is likely to make you feel better… other than your ex saying he or she wants to be with you forever.

In the early stages you might go through almost hourly ups and downs, and it’d be a good idea to prepare yourself to expect any of the following:

  • feeling like you’re suffering a nervous breakdown
  • having trouble sleeping
  • feeling tired a lot of the time
  • waking up feeling exhausted
  • feeling confused and being unable to concentrate
  • feeling irritable and snapping at the slightest thing
  • experiencing a change in appetite: comfort eating or eating very little
  • having digestive problems: feeling nauseous or having stomach pains
  • having a poor memory
  • losing interest in the things you used to enjoy
  • having the same thoughts going round and round in your mind
  • feeling unable to organise your thinking
  • revisiting old memories, wondering if you got it wrong

However painful, under the circumstances - all of this is normal.  But that intense 'rawness' will begin to settle within a couple of weeks – I promise! The periods of time when you’re feeling relatively OK will increase in frequency and length, over time.

Of course, your progress depends on what your ex does too. If you or your ex-partner deliberately try and complicate matters, you’re going to be more stressed and feel worse. Recovery will be delayed if one or both of you make it as difficult and stressful for the other as possible!

How long will it take?

There are lots of factors that will play a part in how long it takes before you start to feel better again. Join me in Part 2 for a look at some of these things, and for my top 10 tips to help you learn How to Get Over a Relationship.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Image courtesy of: Eric Tastad