Facebook problems

Not what you are looking for?  Use my Sitemap or do a Site search.

Facebook causing relationship or marital problems?

Sorting out these problems can help you to gain a sense of control again, lifting that cloud that is hanging above your head.

I will help you to understand what is going on and do something about it.

Facebook problems often reflect relationship problems in ‘real’ life.  So, if you have been hurt, if you are angry, if you feel let down or embarrassed, stick with me and I will help you to device a plan of action.

People who visited this page also liked several of the pages linked further down.

Naively posted content or serious ill-intent

Facebook may or may not play a big part in your life.  Whatever your situation - you are here probably because something has gone wrong for you.  My guess is: a ‘fall-out’ in a relationship - most likely with a spouse/boyfriend or girlfriend.  There is nothing quite as depressing and anxiety provoking as falling out with people you really care about.

The problems Facebook users cause result from anything between naively posted content to serious ill-intent.  If you are happily posting general details day-to-day activities - information unintended to become public may ‘leak out’ between the lines!

From my counselling experience I know that Facebook is also being used to manipulate, threaten, undermine and generally bully individuals.

Another major problem is: Facebook addiction.  Your partner is more interested in what is happening on Facebook than what is happening in his/her relationship/marriage.  Equally, you could be neglecting your relationship of course!

If you or your partner is addicted to Facebook, the satisfaction of receiving messages or reading posts may have completely replaced the satisfaction of interaction between the two of you.

The Facebook problems may come on top of other problems.  If you are at all unsure if you want to stay in this relationship, I suggest you do my relationship test.  Not only will that reveal what other problems may be undermining your relationship, but it will also help you decide what you can do about.  However, there is also every possibility that you discover that your relationship has great potential with a little bit of work!

Feeling insecure?

Messages and photos on Facebook can be read and ‘interpreted’ by different people in different ways.  The kind of comments that hurt you are perhaps shrugged off by your friends.

What you ‘understand' a message to mean depends your view of the world. (Find out more about how that works: Relationship problem advice)  There is huge potential for your suspicions and insecurities to be fueled, particularly if you already feeling a bit fragile and have problems with self-esteem and self-confidence.

Watch this video of two people expressing their insecurities through their messages to each other.

The good news is that you can do something about your insecurities. Hypnosis downloads.com has amazingly effective tracks.

Firstly and very importantly - they will help you to relax deeply, so that you get to view the problem 'at a distance' - without being 'sucked into' the emotional roller-coaster.  Secondly, the soothing voice will engage your infinitely wiser unconscious mind in helping you to sort the problem.

Do something about it - build your inner strength - in the comfort of your own familiar surroundings.  Hypnosis is really effective in treating emotional challenges and particularly good for getting rid of insecurities.

Is your fear of rejection getting in the way?

I won't be in the least surprised if you were to tell me that you become clingy, needy and  obsessive the moment you perceive that there is something wrong.  Rather than wait and check it out - in your mind's eye your relationship or friendship has already ended.  You may be right to be suspicious, but you could just be overreacting. 

Click here for help if you are generally fearful of rejection.  Your problem with Facebook may only be the tip of the iceberg.

Have you found a photo that has upset you?

The posting and tagging of photos on social networking sites causes all kinds of problems.  I can understand that you are really upset if your husband/wife, girlfriend or boyfriend appears to have done any of the following:

• posted an intimate photo with someone you never knew about
• posted a photo with someone he/she denied knowing
• posted a photo of him/herself with a former partner
• has not kept to an agreement to delete a particular photo (often of an old girlfriend/boyfriend)
• re-posted a previously deleted, to you offensive or upsetting, image

Was your partner 'tagged' in a photo?

Perhaps you were already suspicious that he/she has been cheating on you and these photos may have made you even more worried.

Often these sorts of photos appear after work outings, conferences, parties, etc.  The tagged person may be completely unaware of the photo having been taken and even less aware of it having been uploaded.  That is – until they log in and the Facebook problems are more than apparent!

You will need to ask what happened, but give him/her the benefit of the doubt and stay calm.  Read on for advice further down the page on how to deal with this Facebook problem.

Discovered hurtful comments?

Perhaps you are shocked to find what your partner (or someone else you thought you could trust) has been saying when he/she thought you weren't 'looking'.  That has a particularly devastating effect, if the comments are at odds with the person you thought he/she was.  I can understand that you may feel a sense of 'loss' and wonder what to do with these Facebook problems.

In a way you have lost the person you once knew. Your issue now is not just a problem on your Facebook pages.

Relationship status changed to ‘single’?

I think you know that means trouble, particularly if you were unaware that your relationship had come to an end!  The public statement about the relationship status on a profile is an indication that the two of you may no longer be a couple.  At least - you may not be as important as perhaps you thought you were.

Your partner/spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend may also have intended to hurt deliberately, in which case: is this really the kind of person you want to share your life with?  I understand though that you may want to rescue the relationship, if so - visit my page: How to get your ex back.

Often Facebook is used as a dating site.  People become ‘friends’ to become part of someone’s life - almost by ‘stealth’.  The change in relationship status to ‘single’ can be seen as an open invitation.  You will need to have a conversation with your mate.

Don't be surprised though if your new partner's status on his/her profile remains 'single'.  He/she may just not be ready - be as committed - as you yet.  Be patient!

Equally, if you have recently ended with someone and his/her status changes from 'single' to 'in a relationship' within a very short period - you can be just as hurt with this particular Facebook problem.

The state of your relationship or marriage

All these problems, except for the latter, signify a serious issue in your relationship - forget about it just being one of your Facebook problems.  You are right to be concerned.

However, if you have only just found out you will need time to recover from the shock.  Depending on the seriousness of the relationship you may feel you have just been dealt blow to the body.

Give yourself a few days at least to calm down.  Then consider how you are going to challenge your partner.  As human beings we have much more clarity of thought when we are in a calm.  So, here is my advice:

• don’t jump to conclusions
• don’t start a row
• don’t plot revenge
• don’t start a very undignified and public ‘tit for tat’ campaign
• don’t tell everyone you are going to end the relationship/marriage, because when everything has calmed down, you may not want to end it.

There is much you can do about rescuing your relationship - even if you can't persuade your partner/spouse that your marriage needs some work!  You didn't get married with a view to just give up, I'm sure.  I would therefore suggest: Save The Marriage.

Best case scenario

Emotions often override logical thought.  Your partner may have posted in anger in the heat of the moment, without thought for the consequences. 

As human beings we are prone to doing stupid things and overreacting when we are very emotional.  That may have been the case for your partner and he/she may actually regret it. 

Be aware though if this kind of 'slip' is part of a general pattern and not just a one-time Facebook problem.  You may need to consider whether he/she is the right person for you.

What about you?  You may now realise that you have a problem, that perhaps you are prone to over-reaction.  If you are prone to 'red misting' - hop over to my page on anger management tips.

Has your account been hacked?

Search engines receive hundred of queries from people wanting to hack into someone’s Facebook account on a daily basis!  Are you absolutely sure that what has been posted is truly the work of your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend?  Could some other issue be the cause of your Facebook problem?  Even this site has had visitors who landed here after querying how they could cause trouble on Facebook!

What you should be doing next

This is not the right time to start thinking about splitting up or divorcing your spouse, unless this really is the last straw.  So try the following:

• For information about affairs and visit: Infidelity warning signs
• If you are feeling very down have a look at: natural antidepressants
• Help yourself to sleep better by visiting: natural sleep remedies

Facebook problems again may be a reflection of what is happening ‘for real’ in your life.  You deserve better!

Go to Part 2: Facebook - Fears and Suspicions

You may also be interested in:	Food affects your mood!
Relationship communication Surviving an affair Breaking up tips Getting over a relationship How to deal with depression Relationship problems Types of nonverbal communication How to deal with rejection Getting over a relationship

---

---

Other helpful links

CTV News - Does Facebook help relationships, or hurt them?
Facebook Research Group
AllFacebook - Unofficial Facebook resources

---

News:

10 Nov 2011 - MSN.com, Daily Security News: Divorcing couple ordered to disclose passwords
7 March 2011 - Guardian: Facebook and the Samaritans team up to help the suicidal
1 March 2011 - CNN Tech: Study reveals Facebook helps you self-eteem

Images courtesy of: 1 and 2 Armin Hanisch

---