Do we really need to break up and HOW to do it

by A

This is Alexia. We have been in a long-term relationship since 2006
His name is George. He is 26 years old and I am 24.

We are having lots of trouble with my family. they are never going to accept him as my bf or husband or any thing . 4 years ago my dad fought with him when he just imagined there was something going on between us.

I'm studying on my last year to be a physician and he is working as an IT manager. His family is of a much lower social class than mine & that's the main reason of my family's rejection.

Moreover, lately we are getting quickly angry about each other...
plus my all the time feeling that i want to live alone & not marry ever in my life. he can feel that without me telling him so.
He's is my closest friend since we were kids & we've always been close.

My Biggest PROBLEM is that I don't wanna ever see him sad.
I don't wanna to keep this relationship on because I know he is going to face troubles all life long if we got married.

ON THE OTHER HAND, he loves me madly, I can not imagine breaking up with him & leaving him alone. I know he can't take it.

So, if we're gonna do the thing & keep going, this is making me face a lot of pressure and pain that is unimaginable. If I leave him he'll be all alone which is so hard on him.

I don't know what should I DO. Any help?

Elly's advice

Hi Alexia,

Oh what a dilemma! I'm so sorry to know about your struggles. I can so understand that it would pain you to see your closest friend heart-broken.

Your question at the top is: "Do we really have to break up?", but I don't read anything positive about the relationship other than you and George are best friends.

I am assuming that the problems you anticipate if you got married are those caused by your family's rejection of George and their anger with you for staying with him.

I'm not sure though that your apparent wish to end the relationship is entirely based on their objections. I am wondering if you have actually fallen out of love with George.

You don't say anything about why you would want to be on your own for the rest of your life, Alexia. I'm assuming that this is because of the stress you're under by feeling 'piggy in the middle' and because of the pain you're feeling and perceive to be causing in anticipation of ending your relationship. It all feels overwhelming for you right now it seems.

So, here is my advice…

Step 1

Be totally honest with yourself, Alexia. Ask yourself if you truly want to end the relationship because of your family situation or because you have fallen out of love.
Either way - the decision is yours, but how you deal with the aftermath of the breakup depends on your reasons for doing so.

Step 2

Look for support: a good friend, a wise family member or someone in your (religious) community to help you through this period.

Step 3

Read all the advice on doing a good ending on my site - about 4 or 5 on ending and a few about divorce you may find useful too (Click here for the list).

Step 4

Be bold, courageous and compassionate and don't delay ending your relationship if you really do not see a future for the two of you.

Accept that there is no ending without pain. George may well be dreadfully sad when you end the relationship, but don't assume that he'll never get over it! Like any other human being he too has been born with the inner resources to deal with difficult times.

Step 5

Invest in yourself - learn to handle life's problems calmly with an expectation that no matter what - you will get through it, learn from it and move on.

I recommend you have a look at the Silva Life System to build lifelong skills in overcoming anything that comes your way.

Wishing you all the best for your and George's future happiness.

Warmest regards,


Image courtesy of: Enggul

Return to Ending a relationship.

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