When you want to know how to divorce, you'll really need good advice. This isn't only for dealing with the legal aspects - but also to ensure you survive the emotional roller-coaster ride of the process itself.
I'm here to help you do just that with this series of articles on how to get divorced.
My top divorce tips (or really; professional advice on relationships and how to divorce) have come from years of experience. I'm a couple counsellor and specialise in marriage and relationship guidance.
I've presented my tips in 4 steps with unmissable information on how to divorce as easily as possible. Each step is like a subject we might have discussed had you come to see me for counselling.
Take from it what feels right for you during the various stages of your divorce.
You might already have chewed this over endlessly, and suffered many sleepless nights because of it. However, just in case... I wouldn't be doing my job in guiding you if I didn't discuss this with you. (I'll accept the risk of being considered patronising!)
So, here goes...
The following divorce advice is for you to consider before you and/or your partner decide that your marriage has reached the end of the road.
Once you've done all that, I can help you with advice on how to divorce and what it entails for you and your family. I can't give you legal advice, but I can help you with divorce tips to lessen the pain of the process.
You might feel the that awful scream inside your chest. You may want the freedom to yell as much as you like at whoever you want, because you are stress up to your eyeball!
And at the same time I know you might just feel like hiding under the duvet right now. But I'd love to introduce you to something I think could really help much more than that...
All you need to do is put your headphones on, and listen to some hypnosis downloads. You'll feel loads better by allowing yourself to be soothed by one of these, rather than either crying yourself to sleep or lying awake for hours.
As well as some really good stress management downloads, there are some really good ones specifically for divorce such as Overcome Parental Guilt. I chose that one because I imagine that you may be worried about the effect that the divorce might have on your children.
If you've decided to separate or divorce, you'll need all your energy to manage the whole process with its roller-coaster ride of emotions. Guilt is understandable and it can lead you to take the utmost care - it can be a motivator. However, beyond that, it can also stop you from doing the right thing, it won't add anything useful and it'll sap your energy. If guilt becomes too overpowering it won't benefit your children. So, why not give it a try?
You might wonder how you'll never get over all this. Some of my clients have felt completely traumatised by the whole thing. Sometimes the endless conflicts that led up to the divorce have left them feeling battered and exhausted. I really want you to know that you will get over it. The hypnosis download: Get Over Divorce will speed up the healing, leaving you feeling calmer, wiser and more confident. What better advice can I give you!
Based on my experience with couples, I have some divorce tips and advice for dealing with friends and family. People often don't realise that life during such a significant separation could be much more manageable if they knew how to keep (most) their family and friends on both sides.
Before you tell your friends and family that you want or are going to separate or divorce, you may want to consider the following:
I really recommend that you try to anticipate and plan for every possible reaction from your children, your family and friends - and those of your partner too. This will help you to prepare for any behaviours which might surprise or disappoint you.
What do these divorce tips really tell you? Be careful what you say about your spouse to your friends and family (including his or her family). However difficult it is and however badly you perceive your partner has behaved... always keep in mind the above possibilities.
One of my tips on how to get divorced is to tell the friends and family members you're most often in touch with sooner rather than later that you're thinking of separation or divorce. At least that way you have some control over how they find out. Your partner may want to tell their own family, but don't count on it.
Here are my tips for telling loved ones...
Lastly, family and friends who are on your 'Christmas list' but that you seldom see also need to be told - ideally. Consider simply sending them a card announcing the end of your marriage or long-term relationship. That may well prevent embarrassment later down the line.
Remember that the more emotional we are as human beings the more unpredictable our reactions. Actually, the more emotional we are, the more stupid we become!
One of my best tips is to really leave time for others to calm down - whilst you're there, after having delivered the message, and in the weeks to come. People will need time to process what you've told them. You too need time - right now it wouldn't be helpful to make a permanent decision about whether or not you want to see them again.
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Image courtesy of: Marsmett Tallahassee