Divorce and separation tips
This is the final part of my article with divorce and separation tips - Part 1 is the best place for you to get started if you've landed here first.
Once you've gone through steps 1 - 3, I'll still be here - and ready to take you through step 4.
Step 4: Telling other people
6 steps to let people know your situation
One of my tips on how to get divorced is to tell the friends and family members you're most often in touch with sooner rather than later that you're thinking of separation or divorce. At least that way you have some control over how they find out. Your partner may want to tell their own family, but don't count on it.
Here are my tips for telling loved ones...
6 Steps to let friends and family know about the breakup
- Call them to say you want to discuss something important. Calmly and kindly decline to say anything on the phone. Just say: "It's very personal and I'd really like to tell you face-to-face."
- Ask them when would be a good time to meet or visit them. You'd want to know that it's convenient so you can prevent it becoming more stressful than it already is
- When you arrive and before you start, be sure that you have their attention - undisturbed - and that any children cannot overhear
- I'd suggest a gentle lead-in: "I wonder if you've been aware of our difficulties..." Then something like: "I've now decided that I want (or your partner's name wants) a divorce". Stop yourself saying anything negative about your partner at all costs. It's best not to make any assumptions at this stage about who they're likely to support. Also, if at a later stage the two of you are getting back together (every divorce lawyer will tell you it happens!) you wouldn't want your partner's relationship with everyone else to be compromised
- Expect a reaction (see step 3). Just acknowledge that reaction, whether or not you understand it or agree with it
- Don't allow yourself to be led into a heated discussion. Say something like: "I know that this is difficult for you". Or gently say: "Of course you're upset/angry/disappointed/worried..."
Lastly, family and friends who are on your 'Christmas list' but that you seldomly see also need to be told - ideally. Consider simply sending them a card announcing the end of your marriage or long-term relationship. That may well prevent embarrassment later down the line.
Give people time to adjust
Remember that the more emotional we are as human beings the more unpredictable our reactions. Actually, the more emotional we are, the more stupid we become!
One of my best tips is to really leave time for others to calm down - whilst you're there, after having delivered the message, and in the weeks to come. People will need time to process what you've told them. You too need time - right now it wouldn't be helpful to make a permanent decision about whether or not you want to see them again.
These Natural Depression Treatments Prevent Your Having to Take Medication
These Natural Remedies Help You Sleep Like a Baby
How to Deal with Depression without Taking Medication
Are You Having Any of These Common Relationship Problems
Getting over a Relationship Fast
Who Really Gives the Best Relationship Advice?
Other Helpful Links
DirectGov - Getting a divorce
NIDirect - Divorce, relationship breakdown and family courts
Parentingcentre.com - Federal Divorce and Marriage
The Huffington Post - is fay divorce any different than straight divorce?
Get an expert to help you now...
Your problem is never too small or too big, too silly or too complicated to ask for help from a professional counsellor (connect for FREE for 7 days, as often as you like - chat, phone or email).
Connect now and get your problem sorted in 3 easy steps:
- Click the image below and fill in the simple online questionnaire (it takes just a few minutes)
- Tick what kind of counsellor you'd like (2 short questionnaires)
- Confirm that you're as sincere as your counsellor will be and enter your credit card details (no payment will be taken, unless you want to carry on beyond the 7 days free*).
Don't need help beyond the first week? Simply cancel your subscription.
*If you can afford it - do extend your subscription beyond the first week. You won't believe what a breath of fresh air it is to have a professional by your side!
Click the image below now to start...
I want to be absolutely open with you - I earn a commission from this programme.
Found this page helpful?
Please, pay it forward - click 'Like'...
Hello you! :-)
It's me - Elly Prior, I'm the Founder and Author of this site. I'm a 'real' person! I'm hoping to make a positive difference, small or large, to every person who visits my site.
Do you need some help? There are counsellors waiting to help you right now. You can connect with your counsellor as often as you want on any device - 7 DAYS FOR FREE! (Cancel if you don't want any further help beyond the 7 days).
OR... ask for help here (please keep it short!)